Tell me a good joke...?

Question

whatever one makes me laugh the most will be best answer...

Answer 1

A man with a 25-inch long penis goes to his doctor to complain that he is unable to get any women to have sex with him. They all tell him that his penis is too long. "Doctor," he asks in total frustration, "Is there any way you can shorten it?" The doctor replies, "Medically son, there is nothing I can do. But, I do know this witch who may be able to help you out." So the doctor gives him directions to the witch.

The man calls upon the witch and relays his story. "Witch, my penis is 25-inches long and I can't get any women to have sex with me. Can you help me shorten it?"

The witch stares in amazement, scratches her head, and then replies, "I think I have a solution to your problem. What you have to do is go to this pond deep in the forest. In the pond, you will see a frog sitting on a log who can help solve your dilemma. First you must ask the frog, will you marry me? Each time the frog declines your proposal, your penis will be five inches shorter."

The man's face lights up and he dashes off into the forest. He calls out to the frog, "Will you marry me?"

The frog looks at him dejectedly and replies, "NO!"

The man looks down and suddenly his penis is 5 inches shorter. "Wow," he screams out loud, "This is great!!" But he is still too long at 20 inches, so he asks the frog again." "Frog, will you marry me?" the guy shouts.

The frog rolls its eyes back in its head and screams back, "NO!"

The man feels another twitch in his penis, looks down, and it's another 5 inches shorter. The man laughs, "This is fantastic." He looks down at his penis again, 15 inches long, and reflects for a moment. Fifteen inches is still a monster, just a little less would be ideal. Grinning, he looks across the pond and yells out, "Frog, will you marry me?"

The frog looks back across pond shaking its head, "How many times do I have to tell you? NO, NO, and for the last time, NO!"

Answer 2

The Good Napkins

My mother taught me to read when I was four years old (her first mistake).

One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors was ajar. I read the box in the cabinet. I then asked my mother why she was keeping 'napkins' in the bathroom. Didn't they belong in the kitchen?

Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts, she told me that those were for "special occasions."

Now fast forward a few months .... It's Thanksgiving Day, and my folks are leaving to pick up the pastor and his wife for dinner. Mom had assignments for all of us while they were gone. Mine was to set the table.

When they returned, the pastor came in first and immediately burst into laughter. Next came his wife who gasped, then began giggling. Next came my father, who roared with laughter. Then came Mom, who almost died of embarrassment when she saw each place setting on the table with a "special occasion" napkin at each plate, with the fork carefully arranged on top. I had even tucked the little tails in so they didn't hang off the edge!!

My mother asked me why I used these and, of course, my response sent the other adults into further fits of laughter.

"But, Mom, you SAID they were for special occasions!"
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A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years.

One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child. If she stayed in Italy,
he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but wondered how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.

"Honey," she said, "you received a very strange post card today."

"Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said.

The wife obeyed, and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without."
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A Jamaican man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he
passes a
little math test.
Here is your first question, the foreman said. "Without using
numbers,
represent the number 9."
"Without numbers?" The Jamaican says, "Dat is easy." And proceeds
to draw
three trees.
What's this?" the boss asks
"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the
Jamaican.
"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use
the same
rules, but this time the number is 99."
The Jamaican stares into space for a while, then picks up the
picture that
he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."
>>The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that
represent 99?"
"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty
tree, and
dirty tree. Dat is 99."
The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to
hire this
Jamaican, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again,
but
represent the number 100."
The Jamaican stares into space some more, then he picks up the
picture again
and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you
go. One
hundred."
The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that
represents a hundred!"
The Jamaican leans forward and points to the marks at the base of
each tree
and says, "A little dog come along and crap by each tree. So now
you got
dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a
turd,
which makes one hundred."
"So, when I start?"

Answer 3

This is juvenile but i love it

A snail goes into a bar and gets kicked out by the bar maid ,20 years later he comes back and says"what did you do that for "


a simple one

Answer 4

A blonde just got a new fish and she did not know what or how to feed it. So she asks her friend, the brunette and naturally she knew the answer and she helped her friend. When they were finished feeding her fish, the blonde asks, so now what do we give it to drink?

Answer 5

why is school considered 2 be aserial raper ?
because it ***** up our lives :) (I made it)

comversation between me & 1 of my friends :
alex : hy rave's how R ya'?
me: hy 2 U 2.& I'm fine
alex : yes U R :)
or
comv. between me & 1 of my friends :
me : I cant believe I gained 2 pounds.......
dany : Oh 4 the love of God, U cant even tell.
me : yes U can.You'll just see when I change in my bathing
suit.
dany : well then I cant tell U how 2 get some weight of....
me : realy? how?
dany : lay it all on me heheheh

Answer 6

During their silver annivarsary,a wife reminded her husband:Do you remember when you proposed to me,i was so overwhelmed that i didnt talk for an hour."The hubby replied,"Yes ,honey,that was the happiest hour of my life."

Answer 7

3 ways to protect ur teeth:--

1. brush daily
2. don't eat chocolates
AND
3. NEVER mess with me

Answer 8

what is the best thing in a nudist wedding ?
u dont hv to ask for who the best man is !!!!!

Answer 9

What's better than winning the special olypmics?
Not being retarded

Answer 10

why did the fish fall off the bycicle?
because someone threw a fridge at it....