How do I get my 12 yr old to not talk back to her mother?

Question

Since she 'blossomed' into a woman her mood swings are horrible and result in major confrontations with her mother. And it doesn't take much to trigger an event. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

Dani and Mya Loo both have terrific answers. I, too, would not go with the hitting/smacking technique. It will back fire on you. I do want to add something to Dani and Mya Loo's answers. Support your wife. Give her a break. Although it is her parental right to give direction and discipline her daughter, your daughter is not giving her that respect right now. Step in and give your wife a break and discipline her. Try this for a few weeks. Whenever your daughter has a problem that cannot be peacefully handled between the two, you take care of it. It is much harder for a daughter to fight with her father.

Additionally, have a get together with your wife. Talk about what you are going to do and tell her you support and back her up. She needs to hear that from you. Another thing is to have a meeting with your daughter and let her know that you back your wife completely and the behavior will not be tolerated by you.

Answer 2

I don't really think there is anything you can do to keep her from flying off the handle. She is at the age where she is most impressionable by other young adults. Her mother knows now is a good time to reinforce some things now that she is a little lady. I reacted the same way. All of a sudden my parents were over protective and didn't trust me. Other girls my age had parents that watched their every move and they STILL ended up doing some horrible horrible things that got them in trouble. I always thought it was because their parents didn't trust them if they were good or bad so they just did what they wanted. Although I had friends who's parents trusted them completely and they still were getting into things their parents had no idea about. My best advice to do what my parents did. They sat me down and told me everything they were terrified about me doing. They pretty much trusted me to make good decisions but really let me know when I stepped wrong and I disappointed them. I think this really only worked because I cared what my parents thought of me. When I became a little older my mom took me shopping all the time. This was a really good way to connect with me at that age and it also kept her up to date on fashion. Its also a lot harder for someone to betray a person they trust and consider a friend not just an over protective parent.

Answer 3

Do not hit her!!!!! My best advice is since you seem to do better with you daughter you need to sit and talk to her and let her know that the behaveyour she is showing towards her mother is unexceptable and there will be punishment if she continues, like taking away a tv or games or phone priviliges and she will have to earn them back, make sure that her mother is there to and this is what you both have decided to do toghther.

Answer 4

hi there, i have just turned 21 and have realised over the last few years what grief i gave my parents, the only way she will stop is when she grows out of that stage...... and realises how she is hurting you, the best thing is to just let it ride its self out, let her know when she is in a fairly good mood how she hurts everyone, but try not to be nasty about it, and let her know you love her and support her as much as you can, she is having a hard enough time as it is, but dont worry i am very sure she will soon come to terms with all the changes she is going through.
oh evening primrose capsuals are really good for girls moods
(aka PMS) during this time, also will help with her skin to, trust me on that one!!! you can get them at like woolies or safeway.

Answer 5

say hello to puberty "mom". hitting her/abuse won't solve anything as I'm sure you already understand. follow Dani's advice. fact of the matter is, I'm still a teen, though beyond my years. I'm certain it's just adolescence, if not "yelling fights" which are common as people are not aware they're doing it. You may be yelling too, so speak calmly and keep yourself in check. I reiterate, never hit her. My dad hit me when i was little, whenever i did something bad, i couldn't trust him again for years and you remember things ALOT better as an adolescent.

Answer 6

mood swings are just gonna get worse as she gets older especially around 16. If she acts up take certain privileages away from her good luck

Answer 7

my daughter is ten and she is hitting that phase now. Well me and her father takes things like radio, t.v, computer for so many days, and she is also is to right a small paragraph of why she did what she did. The length of the punishment is based on the severity of what she did. Its been working for us O also no phone .

Answer 8

I'm not a parent, but isn't this fairly common for girls of this age group? Kids in puberty don't get along with their parents. It's just a fact of life.

They are struggling to find their own identity & it can be easy for it to feel like their parents are cramping their style.

Give her some space to let her find herself, but also be there in case she needs someone to lean on/talk to.

Answer 9

I used to have lots of problems with my Mom when I was 12 too.My Dad pulled me aside one day and said"I'm not gonna call her Mom,cause you obviously don't think she is your Mother any more.So,leave my WIFE alone,or there will be serious consequences."That broke my heart.It worked.

I wouldn't slap her around,cause as a 14 yr old girl I know,it just pisses most of us off more.We flick you off as you walk around the corner,and we sit right back down on the computer,pissed as hell.

Answer 10

Please don't smack your child in the mouth. Remember she is starting to go through puberty and life is difficult for her at this age. Don't get me wrong the issue needs to be delt with. There are some intelligent answers that have been posted already. I like the clean the bathroom one.