I have a 1 year old daughter and from newborn until 1 year old I took care of her myself. Now I must get back to work and I took her to my in-laws from 8-5 everyday. I started to feel that she not bonding with me anymore, she tends to look for my in laws if she got scared, fell down or just looking for attention. This makes me feel terribly sad. What should I do ? can babies do that ? is it normal?
2006-06-11 22:45:30 · 9 answers · asked by nike 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
i know how you feel. i used to have the same problem before. i have 2 daughters, when my eldest was 11 months, i gave birth to my youngest. i have cared for my youngest until she stopped breastfeeding right about 6months, and thought that i should give some attention to my eldest because i have been neglecting her for quite sometime. we have a nanny who takes care of my youngest while i attend to my eldest. i thought since my youngest was still young, she wouldn't notice. at first she didn't, but by the time she reached 9months, she would always look for our nanny. she couldn't sleep if our nanny wasn't the one who will put her to sleep, or when she's cranky, only our nanny would be able to make her stop.
so don't be so worried, all babies go through that stage where they prefer to be with those people who comes in contact with them often. of course you're a working mom, and everything that happens to her at the times you were not around, like getting hurt, or getting scared, your in-laws were the ones who were there to give her comfort and security. so in a way, she trusts them more than she trusts you...sorry, but that's the truth. but once she gets older, she would change just like my youngest changed. there are times that she likes me more than our nanny, there are times that she likes her more than me. but at least she comes to me now, she sleeps soundly when i put her to bed, she stops crying everytime i comfort her.
things will change, just do the best you can in winning her affection back. like go do something she loves, or tell her stories, watch her favorite cartoons over and over again. your time of bonding will come in time. give her time. good luck!
2006-06-12 01:54:08 · answer #1 · answered by kevkatz 2 · 8⤊ 2⤋
My, how the memories are flashing through my mind. Before anything, grandparents and grandchildren have a unique bond. Be thankful that your daughter has such good care that you do not have to worry about abuse of any kind. I could not find a sitter that my babies seemed content with at all. When they were7 and 8, they stayed alone. We had a dog that would have killed anyone who entered the home while I was away. My children were mature enough to do so. Any way, do not be jealous. your daughter has so much love for you. My mother-in-law would throw your situation in my face and say, "I never have problems with them. I wanted to scream at her because she acted as though my children loved her better. Not so. Just be extremely grateful that she is being loved and care for in such a way that you do not have to worry about ANY type of abuse.
2006-06-12 06:12:51 · answer #2 · answered by grannywinkie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a common misconception to think that because a child goes to day care that they will automatically forget about all of the bonding that you've done... it just doesn't work like that...bonding occurs over more than just 8-5 on the weekdays...your child is still your child and she knows who her mother is...maybe you are just being a little paranoid becuase you are looking for her to have a changed attitude...continue to give her the quality time such as reading and playing and being there for her and remeber that bonding occurs over a childs whole life time and it isn't made or unmaid in the time that you've been going back to work.
2006-06-12 05:51:56 · answer #3 · answered by LadyA 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can just imagine how sad you feel. My parents both worked shift work when I was growing up. Sometimes mom worked 3pm-11pm and dad worked 11pm-7am. They had really crazy hours so most of the time I stayed with my grandparents and only spent weekends with my parents. But just think, isn't it wonderful that she knows she is loved by these two people and she is able to feel safe and secure with them. She is learning that family takes care of family. The more people she feels she can trust will do wonders for her emotional developement. Gram had so much time and patience, she taught me to crochet, cook, garden. I know my mom loved me because she let those to wonderful people pick up where she left off. I loved hearing stories from grams childhood, such a different world back then. Please don't feel bad, you are giving her the gift of family.
2006-06-12 10:42:13 · answer #4 · answered by cricket 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel. But, it is quite normal, and I would even dare say..quite good..that she is able to have that sort of relationship with her caregivers during the day.
We all want our children to look only to us for love and protection..but that isn't always possible..especially when both parent must work to support the family. You are so blessed to have the support from family to help. Her attachment to them shows a healthy bond..and that she trusts them. Take her lead..and know that they are treating her good when you must be away from her.
2006-06-12 05:51:44 · answer #5 · answered by Toolooroo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES, it is very normal even if she were going to a day care. don't let it bother you so much all kids do it. don't be surprised when your kid starts to call your MIL mommy either its not your in laws its just kids. i have three boys and they all did the same thing when they had sitters. as long as you are bonding with your child as much as you can like reading and swinging and all that fun stuff you two will be just fine.
2006-06-12 07:19:56 · answer #6 · answered by jenluv53 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is normal coz she spends more of her time with ur in-laws...but u can make ur bond strong with her by giving maximum time to her...She needs ur attention as u are her father...this is normal behaviour of kid as she is not able to understand ur relationship...kids usually go there where they get attention, love....But after 5 pm, take her with u somewhere, talk 2 her, ask her if she misses u...but she is too small, may be unable to answer all of ur questions...so never mind that...if she says "NO"...Kids who lost their mothers, are very sensitive...so take care of her-u can better take care of her as u are a father!!!
Best Of Luck...
Thanks,
Sumiya.
2006-06-12 05:56:44 · answer #7 · answered by Unknown 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is a very important time in their life... its sad you are unable to be there with your child, but as they grow up they might bond with you more
2006-06-12 05:48:12 · answer #8 · answered by Mighty Balls ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
talk to her pediatrician. good luck
2006-06-12 08:12:51 · answer #9 · answered by Mark 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋