I'm a new mom. Should I feel guilty about wanting to hide from my crying son?

Question

I'm only 23, but before I had my son 3 months ago I had a full time management position and a social life that I'm beginning to miss. I love my son more than anything in the world and I made the decision to be a stay at home mom because my husband is in the military and I felt my son needed the stability of having one parent there when he needs him. I'm basically a single parent and sometimes I just want to run to the nearest anywhere just to escape my son's crying. I feel guilty and like a bad mom for feeling this way. Should I feel guilty? Am I bad mom?

Answer 1

It is normal to sometimes just want to run away from your baby. Babies are very demanding bosses. They need what the need when they need it, and failing to perform your job correctly can have life-long repurcussions. And they give you all their commands in a foreign language. It does not make you a bad mother for feeling overwhelmed--it's an overwhelming situation!!

However, being the adult in the relationship, you realize that you *can't* just run away from his crying. He is telling you what he needs in the only way he knows how, and it is your job to interpret it. As time goes on, you will get better and better at it.

In the meantime, when he is crying there are a number of things you can do. First of all, carry him. Do you have a baby sling or other carrier? Put him in it and walk. Go out around the neighborhood; often a change of scenery will help. Even better, take him to the supermarket. The bright colors of the produce department is actually fascinating to many young babies. Or go to a local playground; your son may enjoy watching bigger kids on the swings and slides.

You *will* get through this time. Babyhood is really short--or, rather, the years are short, but the days are long!! Good luck!!

Answer 2

Oh honey, I know just how you feel. When my daughter was born I felt EXACTLY the same way. Take your baby out lots, to mommy groups, a matinee, the park, anything. i know it seems like this will go on forever but it won't. Don't feel guilty. You're not a bad mom or person. You are a good mom for reaching out for help! Talk to your doctor or a counsellor, don't be afraid to have a good cry, and don't be afraid to leave baby in the crib for 20 minutes while you go have a hot shower. It won't hurt her to cry for a few minutes. You also have every right to miss your old life, it was a big part of you. Plan on going back to work in the future if you want to, there's no harm in good day care. Can you get someone to sit while you go out with your friends? Usually the military base will have a resource centre of some kind. I live near a base and there is a centre here for military spouses and children. I wish you all the best, and I hope you feel better soon. I know how desperate and overwhelming parenting a new born can be. But it's also rewarding and fun...eventually, LOL! (((((((((HUGGLES))))))))))

Answer 3

You have a lot of pressure on you, so no don't add to it by feeling guilty. You really need to first, talk with you doctor to make sure there are not other issues with your feeling, second, talk with your husband about how you are feeling and third, get some friends who have children the similar age and start your new social life with them, and last.... make some time for yourself. I know leaving such a young baby with a sitter is hard, but try to get someone you trust to watch your son for a least a few hours a few times a week. This will give you time to just take a nice hot uninterruped bath, do some shopping, see a movie...whatever you feel like doing. It will make a world of difference!

Answer 4

Don't feel guilty. Being a parent (a first time parent, especially) is a difficult thing, and frustration is okay. Defiantly talk to your doctor and see if (s)he has any recommendations for you.

If you're feeling frustrated because your son is crying, make sure that his basic needs are met (clean diaper, fed, burped, etc), put him in a favorite spot where he'll be safe (such as on the floor or in his crib), give him some toys to play with or brightly colored objects to look at, and leave him.

Really, I know it sounds harsh, but you wouldn't be abandoning him. Babies are very sensitive, and he might be picking up on your frustration and feeding off of it...I'm a firm believer that babies and children need alone time as much as adults do. When you've had a chance to calm down, go back to him and help sooth him if he's still upset.

Just my suggestion :)

Answer 5

Fear not sweety, You are part of an unbroken chain of successful parents that stretches all the way back to the beginning of time!

I don't know if your baby is colicky or if you have the "baby blues" but I do know that the early months of infancy are definitely not easy!! You might have anxiety and stress, especially if you are a single mom.

1) Sleep when your baby sleeps...you are no good to your baby if you do not take care of yourself! Lack of sleep is the worst when you are exhausted and dealing with a baby who won't settle down.

2) Get a babysitter and go see your girlfriends

3) Put on soothing music (a relaxation tape - thunderstorms, classical) Give your baby a massage, or lie down on the floor and relax together

4) Get fresh air with baby, take a stroll, find a community centre so you can get support from other moms, usually there are great "Baby and Me" programs available

5)Seek out support from family members, friends - maybe someone can come visit and watch baby while you do laundry, cooking, take a bath...

6)If you aren't eating properly, cook food all at once and store in single portion containers...that way you can zap it in the microwave quickly!

Hope this helps a little... :)

Answer 6

All mums feel like that and those who don't are deluding themselves. Three month olds are hard but it does get better. Is there anyone nearby that you trust that can take him for a couple of hours a week so you can recharge your batteries? You need to find some other mums to socialise with, In Australia we have first mums groups that the heath centre sister starts. These are great as you all have similar age kids. My group is still together with a few more mums added along the way. Our oldests are now 7. It's great to have others to talk to that are going through the same things. Find out whether there are any of these types of groups in your area and if not why don't you start one. You can start by having them meet at your house then as the kids get older look at renting a room at a local church or hall once a week.Good luck

Answer 7

I had post-pardum depression for a year; it passed. And it will for you too. It is very tough though, I know what it's like to be alone in this. Even when my sons father was around, he wasn't.

Do not feel guilty though, that will only add on to those bad feelings you are having. Do you have a friend that maybe once a month you can leave the baby with? Your parents? His parents? The old saying 'It takes a village to raise a child' is true (and I knew that one long before Hillary was saying it). Even though the 'villages' have grown greatly in size, our 'village' should be close family and friends. Everyone needs a brake from the baby to feel like themselves again.

Your feelings are perfectly normal. Don't beat yourself up over it and remember these feelings will pass, eventually.

Answer 8

you and i are in a similar boat. i sympathize with you. i don't think you're a bad mom at all....farthest thing from it. being a new mom, and then being a MILITARY MOM on top of that is NOT easy. i have 2 kids and my husband is deployed. i have 2 toddlers! i love them also, with all my heart and soul and sometimes i am just having such a hard time, i feel like just breaking down b/c it's so.....difficult. i feel guilty too, but i also think people like you and i are only human and it's hard to let go of what we had before kids. i also had a great job, lots of friends. i was the first to have my kids and it became really hard to hang out after a while. then add moving on top of that, starting all over.......i missed my life alot. and to this day i still do! the best advice i have is to hang in there...make the best you can of your baby's young years, next thing you know he'll be in a day program or school and slowly but surely you'll discover yourself all over again. take care, best of luck.

Answer 9

Now why would you feel guilty you shouldnt feel guilty for your sons crying no mother should feel that way its not on really you should be hugging your child and crying with him that way he wont feel unhappy there are lots of diffrent ways you can stop your child from crying I know it is easier said then done other then that get some close friends or a relative to give you a hand give you bit of time to think how to handle it or easy way to calm your little baby remember you are not a bad mom you are a good mom

Answer 10

Stay at home is great - if that is your personality. I would be a terrible mother to my two kids if i was a stay-at-home mom. i would be bored, unstimulated, frustrated, irritated, angry. instead, i have my kids in a wonderful daycare, where they learn social and other skills, get to play with other kids and more. then, when they come home, i am happy, stimulated and not bored of 3 year old conversation. i treasure every minute i have with my kids, and we tend to do more crafts, fun activities and outings, than the moms who have to deal with their kids the whole day.... feeling guilty is completely normal - there is never any end to a mother's guilt. we are experts at manufacturing them! i feel, though, that if you want to work, you should, and you should not feel guilty. obviously, there are concessions you will have to make - like working less hours or whatever..... And, yes, everyone needs to escape their kids once in a while.

if you decide to stay at home, make sure to have a social life and a hobby to keep you from going stark raving nuts!

good luck!