my grandmother.....?

Question

last sunday my grandma was in the hospital for a urinary track infection and a bad cold....she was getting better supposibly.well i get a call yesterday to come to her nursing home where i learned that she had a stroke and that she was dying and the family had hospice involved.no IV's, no food, no insulin for her diabetes, just pain meds to keep her comfortable.i was so mad how did no one know and why did my family decide this. so i walk in her room last night and she is unresponsive except for squeezing my hand when i kissed her and tlkd to her. i was tld she ad 10 days.well i got a call at 3am this morning and i go to her room and she is barely breathing and within an hour she died in front of me. i couldnt leave her in her room and i waited outside for the hearse to take her body out. then i went in her room and my brother and i grabbed her pillowcase and plants and i sat in her room.i am so sad.she raised me for 10 years and she is gone. i am mad at my family for giving up.what can

i do. i want to yell and scream at them...i have bipolar and i feel like i cant take this. i love her so much and i dnt know what to do. i want to drink but am afraid it will hurt me with the meds...sorry to vent to everyone and write a book.

Answer 1

passing from this life leads to a new one and she is never gone as long as you hold her in your heart

Answer 2

I am sorry to hear of your loss.

Sometimes medical professionals will tell a family that the only thing that they can do is keep the person comfortable. This is because there is nothing else that can be done.

My grandmother had a stroke and was in the hospital for two days. The doctors told us there was nothing that could be done other than to keep her as comfortable as possible. It was just her time to go on and no matter how much we wanted to, there was no way to prevent her death.

It is always difficult to stand by and watch someone you love die. Try to remember all the good times you had with your grandmother and know that she has gone to a place where she will no longer have suffering.

Answer 3

First
I am sorry to hear of the passing of your grandmother. Instances like these happen everyday for numerous reasons but this sounds like the family wanted to sheild you from reality but in the end it made you feel worse. The best thing to do is call your doctor in the morning and tell them how you feel and tell them you need some anti depressents if you are not already on them. The next thing to do is type a letter of how you feel and print a copy out and hand it to each member of your family that was involved. This way you will not yell at them and make them feel bad ad same with yourself. Over the next few weeks it is goign to b very difficult but just write down how you feel it make things better even though you may not feel that it is really helping.


I wish you and your family the best

Answer 4

What happened to your grandmother is a crying shame. I'm 65 and could never do that to anyone, and hope it never happens to me. I wish - well, there is nothing I can do, but I fully understand how you feel. I would feel the same. Try to remember the good times you had with her, and smile with her once again. By the way, there are NO answers in bottles. Just more problems. She was a good lady and sometimes good people find ways to stay in contact for a while with those they love, be it through dreams or little signs. She's just gone to another place, and in the fullness of time you'll see her again. Above all else, cherish the memory of her love.

Answer 5

Please accept my sympathy in the loss of your wonderful, loving Grandmother. You will be sad for a while, and you will always remember the good times you shared.
Your grandmother had several very serious health issues. There are times the doctors do not know a persons true condition. Babies and older adults oft times suddenly get very ill.
It is good you were able to be with your grandmother and talk with her.
Things that will help you are: go for a walk, drink more water, eat your meals at scheduled times, have a quiet time, get more rest, and exercise.
If you want to cry or scream do it in the bathroom with the shower on or out at a park. This will help your anger. Anger is one of the things we experience when a loved one dies.
The first year is difficult, but it will get better with time as a healer.

Answer 6

first of all, i am sorry for your loss.

you are being honest with your feelings. good. that is a first step, keep being honest. you will have to go through all the steps of grieving.

find a friend or family member to help you through the process. get off the computer, you need a real person to share your feelings with.

now the more medical stuff. often times, strokes just happen with no obvious signs. when a person is in the hospital for something specific, people will not be looking for signs of other things. it sucks, but that is the way it is.

as for your own medical issue. it is of utmost importance that you keep going with your medication otherwise this will get much much worse (i have a bipolar brother in law).

and finally, look around at the world around you. people are just going on with their lives with no regard for your feelings. however, in the same glance around remember to see life and see how beautiful it is.

best of luck.

Answer 7

I know how you feel ,this happened to my grandfather 3 years ago he had Alzheimer's disease so when he got pneumonia they did nothing .no antibiotics only pain meds and oxygen a 1% .
Some times I wanted to yell at them too that he was suffering but I knew that he was going but because he was my Papa I couldn't deal with it .I have seen families go through this before because I am a nurse but when it is your own family it's hard.
I knew what he was going through..no liquids in no Iv,no food only palliative care.I know that's what he would have wanted he would have killed himself then endure what he did the last 5 years of his life .But unlike you I was not there when he passed
I said goodbye the best I could and left him in the hospital with the rest of my family and I took my dog to the bay for a walk .Papa loved my dog and loved to watch him run.
Now for your feelings don't drink .
Go see you doctor see if there is something you can take to help you through this .Go join a support group for grieving families .Your local hospice can direct you.
It is best now for you to be around family and Friends don't shut them out. LOOK AFTER YOURSELF.

Answer 8

I am so sorry for your loss.
It's always hard to lose a loved one.

When my grandmother passed away, it was her wish.
She was in a lot of pain, had lived a long life, and just wanted release. Your grandmother may have wanted the same...

I understand that you are mad at your family, but this is when you need them most, to support one another when one is lost.
Please find a way to deal with your grief, even through anger, because it isn't healthy to ignore or bottle it up.

Again, I'm sorry for your loss.
Honour her by doing something in her memory, and remember -she will always live on through your stories, actions, and thoughts.

Take care.

Answer 9

Honey I'm sorry your grandmother passed away. It's hurts when love ones die. Get mad and scream and cry until you feel better.

Maybe your grandmother didn't won't to be put on machines in order to live. A lot of people don't believe in it. I personally wouldn't won't to live that way.
When people have bad stroke they don't get fed or anything like that...They are on feeding tubes. More then likely your grandmother had already told her family she didn't won't to live off a machine.

My grandfather laid in a bed for over a year after his stroke. He just wasted away. That's hard to watch! There isn't much anyone can do. Just sit and watch.

Talk to your family and ask them maybe after a talk you will feel better.
Hugs

Answer 10

Awww.. I'm so sorry for your loss.
My father died this summer. We knew ahead of time he did not want to prolong his life. He asked us specifically not to hook him up to anything that might prolong his suffering. One day he was dehydrated and was taken to the hospital. It was the hardest thing in the world for my mother to tell them not to give him an IV. But that's what he wanted. He lived a good, fulfilling life, and didn't want to be a vegetable towards the end.
We all knew this, and as hard as it was to say goodbye to him, we did everything within our power to give him his wish.

Sometimes it's just better to let them go. As hard as it is to say goodbye. Sometimes we need to realize that we want them around here for our own needs. We should understand that when people are ready to go, they should go. Being an old woman after having a stroke is not a good life.

Right now it's a little hard to see it, but I think you will eventually see that she ended her life in the best possible way. She was not sick for a long period of time, and she had her favorite granddaughter next to her. That's how I'd like to go.

Answer 11

Your fustration is understandable, but there's probably really noone you can scream at for this situation. When the elderly get sick, they tend to degenerate very quickly. Their already frail bodies and failing immune systems can't handle the barrage of infections and bacterium and virii and they tend to succumb in weeks if not days.

If they were simply keeping her comfortable then your grandmother or your family issued a DNR order.

In the end, it was probably better for her, keeping her alive only meant she'd have to suffer more.