I have a family of 7 brothers and sisters and everyone of them is a part of his wedding except me and my daughters. Every sibling of his fiance is also in the wedding party. I have been close with my brother, helping to raise him when our mother left when he was 3 years old. I have never had any problems or cross words with the bride to be either.
2006-06-11 16:23:14 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
FYI - My husband thinks we should not go to the wedding and that I should spend all the money on myself. What about that?
2006-06-11 16:24:23 · update #1
So your brother didn't include you in the wedding and it's bothering you. Here is what I would do: Call and ask him (helpfully) if there is anything that you and your children can do to help him at the wedding. If he says no, then ask, "Are you sure? I just feel bad that everyone else is involved and chipping in and we're just attending." This will give him a chance to explain why he didn't include your family without you having to accuse him or get angry or put him on the spot. Chances are, he has a reason that you didn't think of. It could be that he asked you and your family for favors in the past and is feeling that it would be too much to ask you for more, it could be that he's afraid you'd be too busy, it could be that you're traveling to the wedding from too far away and involving you might be too last-second and complicated to wait until you're arrival, it could be that because you helped to raise him he sees you more as a mother figure and in weddings the mother is supposed to be able to just sit back and enjoy everything. Call and find out.
Whatever the reason is, do not skip his wedding. Go and see your brother married - this is the biggest day of his life and not the time for revenge. You can sort this out with him later, but not going will put a rift between you that can't be fixed if you or he change your minds later. Even if he isn't involving you, don't repay selfishness with selfishness. Go and be there, you will regret it if you don't. You don't have to like it, just be the bigger person. It isn't your day, it's his. If you must "get back" at your little brother, then just don't invite him to play a role in some important event for you later on. Skipping the wedding and having a day of selfishness with the money is definitely not the answer. There's nothing you could buy that day for yourself that could replace your relationship with your brother if you don't come to his wedding.
2006-06-11 16:35:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Did you ever stop to think maybe since you were the one to help raise him and your mother is no longer there that YOU may have a place of honor during the ceremony - Like where your Mother would have been ??
I think the word confront is a bit harsh for two siblings that are stated to be so close, rather I would simply ask him if there is a problem that you are unaware of that would make he & his new bride not want you to be a part of their nuptuals?
If he (as we say in the south ) him-haws around then you know there is something and he is having trouble telling you. If this is the case, life is too short to be bitter. Go to the wedding with your head held high and be a very kind and loving sister. I heard a saying once - Ye who seeks revenge, better dig two graves.
2006-06-11 23:33:33 · answer #2 · answered by Miss Texas 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can definitely understand why you're hurt that your brother didn't include you in the wedding party. However, I don't think skipping the wedding is going to make you feel any better and your brother will definitely notice his big sister missing. It would probably cause a lot more drama that you shouldn't have had to deal with in the first place. You have a legitimate complaint, so confront him about it. "I would have loved for my daughters and I to be a part of your wedding, I love you so much and we've been through a lot. I'm kind of hurt you didn't want me involved. How come you didn't include us?" Or something to that effect.
As for your husband's suggestion, it's natural for him to be defensive of you and consider your feelings instantly and above all others but, really...think about it just a bit. I don't think skipping the wedding is the right choice, but suffering in silence isn't fair to you either.
Definitely confront him, be strong, and don't whine when you do it.
2006-06-11 23:32:33 · answer #3 · answered by sharky 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it was me, I would not attend the wedding and never talk to the brother again - BUT, that is not what you should do. It will leave you empty and unhappy in the end.
I know it might seem hard, but I think that you should ask him about it. Or, you may even try to ask another sibling first, if they know why. But you definitely deserve to know why.
If you do choose to not attend, then I'm sure he'll be pissed and you guys won't talk again after that. So, why not at least find out first why you're not in the wedding? I think it would be better at least to confront him first, even if it does start something, rather than just cut him off altogether and have no idea why. Aren't you curious as to why?
2006-06-11 23:30:12 · answer #4 · answered by heatherscash 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would ask him to go to lunch and nonchalantly ask him why everyone is in the wedding but you. Let him know that it hurt your feelings. By not going to the wedding at all, you are just adding fuel to the fire and possibly causing lifelong family problems. Just ask him...there could be a good reason why...like maybe they only wanted so big of a wedding and if you were in it, they would have to find another groomsman for you or something.
2006-06-12 12:38:38 · answer #5 · answered by bluez 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a big thing, that won't easily blow over. You need to sit down with your brother and ask him. That is so hurtful, and it seems like there is something else happening here under the surface. If he reason doesnt seem logical or believable, and you are still hurt, I would skip the day and spend the money making yourself feel better.
2006-06-11 23:31:16 · answer #6 · answered by Sara 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That seems selfish? Was he there for your wedding? Confront him and ask him why he did not invite you to his wedding. After all, he is your brother!!!
2006-06-11 23:27:55 · answer #7 · answered by MissShorty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him why you are being left out and tell him that he has hurt your feelings. And I agree with your husband, if you are still being excluded have some fun!
2006-06-17 11:33:05 · answer #8 · answered by cassie12 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would write him a letter explaining that you won't be attending and why. I would also let your siblings know what is going on so that they won't be caught off guard.
2006-06-11 23:52:02 · answer #9 · answered by damn_sam 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES CONFRONT! that is some bs right there. i mean jeez just to leave you out of it. if you don't you are so going to regret it.
talk now so you can still think of him as your brother.
2006-06-11 23:27:12 · answer #10 · answered by ally 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋