what can i do so he wont hurt himself?

Question

My BF has a depression problem and he might be anorexic and he has an anger problem. sometimes when he gets into his depresssion mood he hurts himself. he wont theropy because he doesnt think it will work. i dont know hom to comfort him anymore because anything i try doesnt work. i try to calm him down and tell him i love him but its just like im invisible and he wont listen because he thinks he needs to work it out on his own but i think i need to help him but it never works. what else can i do to try and make him understand that i am here for him and i want to help. breaking up with him is not an option though because i love him way t omuch to do that. but i am running out of ideas and nothing is working! i am afraid that he might do something. what should i do? please help we i am very worried!

Answer 1

You seem like you too are young. You need to tell his parents to get him into some type of help program quick. Even if he's upset with you for it, this may save his life.

Answer 2

Nicki ... I'm wondering how old you two are, & what your living arrangements are. Yet -- whatever those may be -- below are several articles that I think will help you to understand what may be going on with your friend: some experiences, suggetions, & HOPE!:

Understanding Mood Disorders :
.. Tormented Minds
.. Living With a Mood Disorder
.. Hope for Sufferers
.. How Others Can Help
http://www.watchtower.org/library/g/2004/1/8/article_01.htm

What Is Behind Eating Disorders? :
.. When Food Is Your Enemy
.. Anorexia & Bulimia -- The Facts, The Dangers
.. What Causes Eating Disorders?
.. What Can Help?
http://www.watchtower.org/library/g/1999/1/22/article_01.htm

What Hope for Today's Youths? :
.. The Tragedy of Youthful Deaths
.. Suicide - A Scourge of Young People
.. When Hope & Love Vanish, then Return
.. Motivations for Suicide
.. Some Indicators of Suicide
http://www.watchtower.org/library/g/1998/9/8/article_01.htm

Suicide - Who Are Most at Risk? :
.. The Hidden Epidemic
.. Given a Desire to Live
.. A SURE Hope
.. Risk Factors and Warning Signs
http://www.watchtower.org/library/g/2000/2/22/article_01.htm

LIFE IS WORTH LIVING :
.. A Worldwide Problem
.. Why People Give Up on Life
.. You CAN Find Help
.. How Can YOU Help?
.. Someone Who Seems Suicidal
.. "Will God Forgive Me for Feeling This Way?"
.. Have You Lost a Loved One to Suicide? http://www.watchtower.org/library/g/2001/10/22/article_01.htm

Caregiving - Meeting the Challenge :
.. The Challenge of Caregiving
.. How to Deal with Feelings
.. Caring for the Caregiver - How Others Can Help http://www.watchtower.org/library/g/1997/2/8/article_01.htm

I hope that things aren't as serious as you sounded, but it never hurts to err on the side of caution! I was once suicidal -- I'm not saying that your friend is -- but I know how it feels to be desperate, & out of control. The only thing that helped me get through it was a Bible study with Jehovah's Wittnesses. My thoughts are with you both! (You are welcome to email me.)
Sincerely, "Make Sure of All things; hold Fast to what is Fine."
1 Thessalonians 5:21

Answer 3

I have to say first off, I don't know enough about your boyfriend to say what is wrong with him for sure, but just from what you said it sounds like he might have a "boarderline personality." People with this problem have more than just depression. They often make gestures toward suicide, etc. without serious attempts. Then they seek help, but then once help arrives, they tend to push away. Boarderline personality is often found in people with bipolar disorder or depression.

An example woule be a person who cuts their wrists just deep enough to bleed, but not deep enough to do any serious damage. Or they make take an overdose of two or three pills, but not the whole bottle. Enough to be concerning, but not enough to do damage. Then they call someone for help. Once the ambulance or other help arrives, they deny a problem and don't want any treatment.

In any case, it sounds like your BF needs professional help. It is not your job or your responsibility to "save" him, and you really should leave that to a professional. If he is a boarderline personality, you may be feeding his problem by giving him more and more attention.

All suicide suggestions should be taken seriously, but do not over dramatize the situation. Be firm and insist that he seek help; if he does not, then you need to get help for him (even if it means going to his parents). You are not doing anybody any good by feeding him more attention without him getting professional help. He may not "want" professional help, but if he is thinking of hurting himself, then he is not thinking clearly. If you really love him, you would be willing to do this to save him, even if it means risking your relationship. And, if he thinks less of you for trying to do something to help him, then you don't need to be involved with him romantically.

I would be up-front with him and say "John, I am concerned that you have said that you want to hurt yourself. It is obviously something you are concerned about too or you wouldn't have brought it up. I will not accept the responsibility of being the only one to help you. I want to be your girlfriend, not your psychologist. It is not healthy for us to continue like this. I am giving you the chance to pick someone to help you. If you will not get help for youself, then I love you enough to get help for you."
Then I would get an appointment with a counselor, psychiatrist, or psychologist.

Answer 4

Wow, that's a big dilemma and sort of insane. I know it might kill you to do this but try talking to the school counselor and his parents. He might blame you but in the end he'll know that you really do love him and you saved him.