Tell your best jokes? clean one only.?

Question

like you know when you go to heaven how you can tell Adam from
the others like peter. adam do'nt have a bellybutton Ha! Ha!

here's one there was this man and wife and mother in law thay went to the holy land
for 3 weeks will the mother in law got sick and died and the man ask how much would cost to ship her back home he said 15 to 20,ooo and he said how much for here .the man said 500. he said no I'll ship her home he said why the man said because the last man that died here rose in 3 days HA!HA!

Answer 1

Sorry! Didn't notice it was under Religion and Spirituality:

JOKE #1

A woman and a man go to church every week, and every week, the man falls asleep during the pastor's sermon. So the wife decides that she'll bring a long hat pin, and poke him with it whenever he fell asleep.
So later that morning they went to church. And almost as soon as church had started the man fell asleep. The pastor began to get into his sermon. He posed the question, "And who created the world in seven days?"

The woman poked the man with the pin. He jumped up and said, "GOD ALMIGHTY!"

"Very good, very good." The pastor replied, nodding his head. The man sat down in embarrassment, but soon fell asleep again.

The pastor continued his sermon, and got to the point where he posed another question, "And who died on the cross to save us from our sins?"

"JESUS CHRIST." The man said as he jumped up after being poked. The entire congregation looked at him. He mumbled something to himself, and sat back down.

The pastor once again continued his sermon, and neared the end. He posed one more question, "And what did Eve say to Adam after the birth of their second child?"

The woman poked her husband one more time, and he jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT OFF!"


JOKE #2

A drunk that had just come out of a bar, got lost and ended up walking into a lake where a group of Baptists were performing a group baptism ceremony.

The drunk guy approaches the minister: "E-e-e-xcuse me, b-b-but, I-I'm lost...."

The minister says: "Yes, brother, we all were lost once". And without as much as a warning he grabs the drunk by the hair and puts him under water, face down".
The drunk kicked and struggled.

He finally pulls him out of the water and asks him: "Have you found Jesus, brother?".
Scared, the drunk guy, yells out: NOOO!!

The minister puts him underwater once again and asks him: "Have you found Jesus, brother?".
The drunk yells out: NOOO!!

He puts him underwater once again and asks him: "Have you found Jesus, brother?".
Almost crying, the drunk guy screams: "NOOO!! I DIDN'T FIND HIM!! A-A-RE Y-Y-OU SURE THIS IS WHERE HE DROUNDED???

Answer 2

this may be a lot to read at first, but read all the way !!

okay, so this man goes into a public bathroom to poop. Someone calls out "Hello!". the man, thought this was very weird. He didn't know what to say. So he awkwardly said,
"hello". then The other man goes,
"how are you?". Feeling weird, and awkward, the man goes,
"I'm fine." having said, this, the other man says nothing for a minute, then he breaks the silence again.
"how is your business going?" Again, surprised, the man says,
"its going okay." the other man goes,
"I have to hang up now. a man in the other stall is talking to me."
hahaha... wouldn't that be weird.... XD XD XD

Answer 3

One Sunday morning, as a prelude to his message,, a Pastor said he was going to call out a word, and asked them to sing the first song that came to mind.

"Rock" said the pastor. His congregation responded with "Rock of Ages"

"Blood" said the pastor. In response, they sang "Power in the Blood"

"Cross" said the pastor. In response came "Old Rugged Cross"

And his point made, he spoke his last request to make his point of his message to come.

"Sex" said the pastor. Everyone gasped, and the church grew quite. Suddenly, an 87 year old woman, from the back of the church stood up and began singing "Memories"

Hope you didnt find that crude. I heard it years ago from my Best freinds father who is a preacher, and it always stuck with me.

Answer 4

Moshe - You know, stick people act a little like robots sometimes.
Shlomo - Stick people?
Moshe - Christians.
Shlomo - I don't get it.
Moshe - You know, they worship a man on a stick.
Shlomo - LOLz!

Answer 5

I was standing outside the church when I saw Christ manifest Himself. I ran inside and told the Pastor, "Christ is on the front lawn, what shall we do". He said, "Look busy".

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
No need to cry about it.

Answer 6

Knock Knock.

Who's there?

Interrupting Cow.

Interrupting Co -- MOOOOOOO!

Answer 7

uff..i really suck at telling jokes.

the only thing i can come up with now is something like:
if you put a watch in blender, and after that you would drink it, the drinking sounds like clock,clock,clock.

(i told you that i suck at this)

Answer 8

A protestant went to heaven, and met Jesus. Jesus said, "You've already met my Dad, but have you met my Mom?"

Answer 9

(i'm 11) Why did the chicken cross the highway?

I don't know, but I don't think he'll be crossing it again!

(i tried[if u don't like it] :)

Answer 10

I OWE MY MOTHER!!

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4.My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
If I've told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze
that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"



http://www.biblebelievers.com/SimpleSalvation.html