Child help?

Question

My cousins son is like 4 years old and still has a "binky"(pacifier).

My cousin says"He'll only take it to school once,he'll be so humiliated he won't do it again".

How the hell can I talk some sense into him?
And how can he get the kid off the bink?

Answer 1

First of all, I dont think it is your place to get involved in this situation. However, it does seem like your cousin is taking the easy way out and not necessarily thinking about what is best for the child. If the parents would like advice, here it is:

Dont punish the child by suddenly taking it away. Think about how you would feel if someone suddenly did something similar to you. That pacifier is something that means A LOT to your child and the situation should be treated with the utmost respect.

Gradually take the pacifier away as you would when you are weaning a baby from a bottle. Little by little. I cant give you specifics because it really depends on when your child is using the pacifier. Children who continue to need a pacifier, especially as a toddler or older child, often have some insecure feelings and use the pacifier to comfort themselves. So, offer extra love and affection and attention during this time.

If you can offer extra details or you need more specific information, please email me. I'll be happy to help.

Answer 2

Oh good luck with that. There are huge security and psycological issues now. He should have started trying to relieve the child of the "binky" when he was about 2.5.

Some kids it is a process though. Growing up I had a friend that walked around with her Nighty (security blanket) till she was 7. The only thing was she wasnt allowed to take it to school, or church. Speaking to the mom later my mother found out she was able to finally relieve it by "loosing" then blanket and it was never found again.

This only applies if it is ONE specific "binky" that the kid is attached to but if any old binky will do, then I dont know what to tell you. I will say this though. If you can get the kid to do it on his own it will be much better. Also, you need to let your cousin know that by letting his son go to school with the "binky" it could definitly pose some problems in the childs self esteem development with all the other kids making fun of him. As well as him being able to make friends with other kids. It could potentially damage the kid for life. just some thoughts.

Answer 3

I totally agree....a 4 year old facing kindergarden soon is entirely too old for a pacifier. Maybe you could find a dentist who could tell your cousin just how badly that bink could be screwing up the kids teeth.

Unfortunately, you can't talk sense into some parents. Maybe he just doesn't want the hassle of taking it away from him. You have to wean them off things like that, you know. And that takes dealing with a little (or a lot) of screaming on the kids part.

Our son got weaned off his blanket when the only one he liked accidently got taken out and disposed of by our carpet installers. It's not the same thing though because there are lots of the same pacifier. Unless it IS only one particular bink he is attached to....?

Answer 4

That is going to be a tough one! Especially a 4 year old. You might want to go to some parenting sights, they should have steps to follow to help with this situation. I've seen this before and usually the child throws a fit once the binky is gone- when they are that old. The little one needs to find something else that will take the place of the binky to make him feel secure and/or soothed. But it doesn't sound like it will be an easy thing to do, for parent or child. Good luck to your cousin~!

Answer 5

Tell your child, often and with much enthusiasm, that on this day, he will get to start being a big boy. Begin in small doses. If your child uses her pacifier throughout the day, start by telling her that she can have her pacifier all she wants but only when in bed. If your child only uses a pacifier to sleep, start only with naptime. Let your child trade her pacifier for something else-like a new stuffed toy. Praise and cuddle him frequently for trying to sleep without the pacifier. Once naptime is conquered, start working on bedtime. During the process, which may take several weeks, encourage your child to talk about how he misses her pacifier. Some children take comfort in thinking that friends or relatives have their pacifier. Drawing pictures together to show this can help your child express his grief and channel it well. Never use force or humiliation. Try instead to keep it fun and positive and game-like.

Answer 6

ur cousin is an idiot. if the kid takes it to school his classmates will pick on him for the rest of the school year and this could scar the kid 4 a long time bcz kids can be really cruel. there is no reason 4 him to still be on a pacifier. my niece was on a bottle so long she got a bad overbite and that was from the nipple. if ur cousin had any sense he or she would just take it away for good. it would only take the kid a few days to get over it

Answer 7

cut the tip off. there isn't any more suction, so he won't want it. it works with babies, but i don't know about older kids. he only wants it now because it's comforting. if that doesn't work, tell your cousin that under no circumstance should this kid be taking the binky to school. the binky is a comfort item, use that angle. tell the kid that they can have it when they get home and at home only, if he must have it.

Answer 8

It is so frustrating to have to observe other people's parenting skills isn't it? Watch them do things you could never imagine yourself doing. You can continue to try to talk some sense in him by explaining that it isn't healthy to have something hanging out of a child's mouth constantly. It looks like the child is a baby, when he's much past toddler-hood. You could tell him your embarrassed by the kid with a binky. You could tell him that it will impair the child's development of a healthy mouth and gums. but the worst is, you really can't do anything about how someone else raises their child. It can get very frustrating sometimes.

Answer 9

Here is what we did: Wait 'til Christmas. Then tell the kid 'Look at this letter from santa:' then read it 'Dear (kids name) I am looking forward to bringing you presents, but this year is different. It's Trade Year. You have to give up a pacifier or else you will receive no presents, it is the rule of my elf Grumio.' Then have the parents say 'OK, we're going to send this binky off to a new baby who needs it more' and it'll prolly work

Answer 10

Unfortunately you probably can not. It is your cousins child not yours and you have no say in the raising of the child. You can express your concerns but you can not make your cousin do anything.
It is sad that they are setting their child up for that. But that is part of what is going on in today's world. People are refusing to be parents and set boundaries and guidelines for their children. Children need that parental support and discipline and for some reason so many of this generation (which yes I am part of though I do not like to admit it!) seem to think the children do not need those things. Or it isn't their job to teach those things. This whole "let the school" or "let the community" deal with these problems that could and SHOULD be taken care of at home is just sickening!