any good dirty jokes???

Answer 1

http://funnies.com/spermcount.htm

lol its funny but i couldnt copy and paste

heres another one

HOW TO IMPRESS
A WOMAN.
* Wine her,
* Dine her,
* Call her,
* Hug her,
* Support her,
* Hold her,
* Surprise her,
* Compliment her,
* Smile at her,
* Listen to her,
* Laugh with her,
* Cry with her,
* Romance her,
* Encourage her,
* Believe in her,
* Pray with her,
* Pray for her,
* Cuddle with her,
* Shop with her,
* Give her jewelry,
* Buy her flowers,
* Hold her hand,
* Write love letters to her,
* Go to the end of the Earth and back again for her.
HOW TO IMPRESS
A MAN
* Show up naked ...
* Bring food ...
* Don't block the TV

this isnt dirty but i thoght its funny lol

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION
TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: THIS APPLICATION WILL BE INCOMPLETE AND REJECTED UNLESS ACCOMPANIED BY A COMPLETE FINANCIAL STATEMENT, WORK HISTORY, LINEAGE, AND CURRENT MEDICAL REPORT FROM YOUR DOCTOR.

1. NAME__________________________...

DATE OF BIRTH___/___/___


2.HEIGHT__________________WEIG...

3. SOCIAL SECURITY#______________DRIVERS LIC#_______________

4. BOY SCOUT RANK__________________________...

5. HOME ADDRESS______________CITY/STAT...

6. DO YOU HAVE ONE MALE AND ONE FEMALE PARENT?_______________
IF NO, PLEASE EXPLAIN_______________________...

7. NUMBER OF YEARS PARENTS MARRIED?____________________

8. DO YOU OWN A VAN?________________MOTORCYCLE...
TRUCK WITH OVERSIZED TIRES?___________WATERBED?____...
DO YOU HAVE AN EARRING?____NOSE RING?____BELLY BUTTON RING__

9. IN 50 WORDS OR LESS, WHAT DOES DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER MEANS TO YOU?__________________________...

10. IN 50 WORDS OR LESS, WHAT DOES LATE MEAN TO YOU?__________________________...

11. IN 50 WORDS OR LESS, WHAT DOES ABSTINENCE MEAN TO YOU?__________________________...

12. CHURCH YOU ATTEND?_______________________...

13. WHEN WOULD BE THE BEST TIME TO INTERVIEW YOUR FATHER?_________MOTHER?_______...

14. ANSWER BY FILLING IN THE BLANK. PLEASE ANSWER FREELY, ALL ANSWERS ARE CONFIDENTIAL (THAT MEANS I WON'T TELL ANYONE)
A. IF I WERE SHOT, THE LAST PLACE ON MY BODY I WOULD WANT WOUNDED IS THE ________________
B. IF I WERE BEATEN, THE LAST PLACE I WOULD WANT BROKEN IS MY _____________
C. A WOMAN'S PLACE IS IN THE ______________
D.. THE ONE THING I HOPE THIS APPLICATION DOESN'T ASK IS _________
E. WHEN I FIRST MEET A GIRL, THE THING I NOTICE FIRST IS HER ________
(NOTE: IF THE ANSWERS STARTS WITH A T OR AN A, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES, KEEPING LOW AND RUNNING IN A SERPENTINE FASHION IS ADVISED.)

15. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE IF YOU GROW UP?________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL OF THE INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICA AN TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION,ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

______________________________...
SIGNATURE (THAT MEANS YOU SIGN YOUR NAME)

THANK YOU FOR YOUR INTEREST. PLEASE ALLOW FOUR TO SIX YEARS FOR PROCESSING. YOU WILL BE NOTIFIED IN WRITING IF YOU ARE APPROVED. PLEASE DO NOT CALL OR WRITE (AS IT WILL CAUSE YOU INJURY)

Answer 2

A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he
reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. He thought about her
seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes.

Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her to
see what work of God had captured her attention. He noticed she was looking
at two spiders mating. "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.

"They're mating," her father replied.

"What do you call the spider on top?" she asked.

"That's a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered.

"So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.

As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question, he
replied "No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs."

The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then took
her foot and stomped them flat and said, "Well, we're not having any of
that Brokeback-Mountain **** in our garden.

Answer 3

OK

3 vampires walk into a bar the 1st one asks for a pint of blood
the 2nd one asks for a pint of light blood
the 3rd asks for a cup of hot water, the bartender asks the vampire why aren't you having blood like the others
the vampire takes out a USED tampon and holds it up and says I'M MAKING TEA

is that dirty enough for you.....

Answer 4

www.ebaumsworld.com
or The Huge Joke Book by Goldstein-Jackson & Ford & Newman.

Answer 5

that guy was supposed to meet up with his girl for their first time to make love, but before that, the girl told him thatt he must go have dinner with the parents..
So to get the night hot and ready, he went to the pharmacy and asked the pharmacist there for a bunch of king size condoms and the man was generous enough to help him with it.

later that night and during dinnertime with the girl's parents, they were all praying before starting to eat, the bf stayed with his head bowed down still..even after the whole family finished the prayer, so the girl whispered in her guy's ear"I didn't know u were so religious"
He said"And I didn't know ur dad was a pharmacist"

Answer 6

Q: Why Is Santa's Sack So Full?

A: Because He Only Cums Once A Year

Answer 7

A little boy in a supermarket gets lost the security guard says to him "whats your mummy like?" the boy replies
"bacardi breezers and big cocks"

Answer 8

2 90 year old have been dating and decide to have sex. As they lie there afterwards the man thinks to himself "My God if i'd known she was a virgin i'd have been more gentle" The woman lays there and thinks "My God if i'd know the old boy could actually get it up i'd have taken my tights off"

Answer 9

What's the difference between a toilet seat and a bartender?

The toilet seat is lucky, it only has to deal with one a**hole at a time!

Answer 10

a white horse fell in the mud