How can i love my mom when she left me wen i was 8 and she shows up now wen i'm 17?

Question

How can i forgive my mom when she left me at 8 and now that i am 17 she shows up in my life and she wants me to call her mom..? how can i forgive her.

and then i ask her why she wa gone for so long and she tells you she was married had 3 kids and ..and she ha dto atke care of them
what about me?

Answer 1

I'm so sorry for what you have felt over the last 9 years. I can't tell you I know how you feel because I have not been in your circumstance. Forgiveness is something you find within yourself and not one person can tell you to forgive or not to forgive. I would think it is rather presumptuous for her to expect you to call her Mom. Perhaps over time, if you decide to get to know this person, you might find it in your heart to forgive her. Hopefully she has tried to give you some answers for abandoning of you at such a tender age. My Dad died when I was 10 and I can't get him back so I do know the feeling of being lost. The only consolation was that his death was not his choice. All the best, Hopefully time will heal.

Answer 2

Maybe she had to do what she had to do at the time. She is a person, and maybe she did what was best for you & for her at the time. You have to be mature enough to realize no one is perfect. She will always be your mom, you need to accept that fact, and a fact it truely is. Get to know her a little bit & take it from there! Into everyone's life some rain must fall, but what is there to forgive? Life is not a rose garden, and if some situation doesn't kill you, you come out stronger for it. She had to do what she had to do at the time. You may never understand the "why" she left, no matter what were the circumstances. Just you be adult enough to realize she is here now and she may need you. Whether or not you choose to "forgive" sometimes it is best to forget why, and start a new. Life is too short for you to hold grudges. Life doesn't always turn out the way we plan. Call her "mom", even though she and the title for her seems foreign to you, because that is who she is! Take heed: A mom is a mom until YOU take on a spouse, but a mom is a mom even though she's a louse! just as when a mother has a son until he takes on a wife, a mother is a mother the rest of her life! To error is human, to forgive, DIVINE. Be happy, be good to yourself. Everything good in life flows from HAPPINESS! Be the Divine Child! YOU can make the BEST of any situation! I hope this helps!

Answer 3

Forgiveness can't happen overnight -- you have a lifetime of questions and hurting that won't vanish. You don't even say if she's offered any explanation or at least an apology. If she is putting pressure on you to call her "mom" or act lovingly or even comfortable with her, then she still has too many issues of her own to deal with, and may not really be ready for reconciliation yet.

You are a young man now, and need to try to approach this with a more grown-up perspective, even though your pain can make you feel like you're 8 all over again. Try to give her the benefit of the doubt and listen to her with an open mind. Try to imagine yourself in the situations she faced, and how difficult the decisions she had to make were. Of course this is assuming that she is completely honest with you.

This whole process may require counseling, if not together, than at least on your own. It's not a sign of weakness, it's just about you getting professional support at a crucial time in your life. A counselor can help you look at things from several different points-of-view and help you find your own sense of peace regardless of what happens with your mother.

Just make sure you don't allow this to derail the rest of your life -- you are at a point where you are facing many decisions that can have long-term implications. Remain true to yourself and your goals. Good Luck!

Answer 4

Sit her down and tell her that you are still hurting from the fact that she left you. Explain to her that it will take time to forgive her. Ask her not to put any pressure on you, such as calling her "Mom".

If it's not too painful for you, spend some time with her and determine if she does indeed, deserve to be forgiven. Is she willing and able to make up for what she has done? I don't mean that she should start buying you things, I mean can she begin to be a good mother, and does she have a reasonable explanation for wanting to enter your life again.

Listen to your heart. It will tell you when and if you are able to forgive. You are 17, that means you are almost an adult. Adult decisions can be difficult, and usually require a lot of soul-searching and maturity. Take your time, you've had 9 years to live with this pain, it will take a while to heal.

If your mom deserves forgiveness....give it with all your heart. You may decide you want her in your life again.

If you feel she does not deserve you, you may choose to love her for giving birth to you, but you don't have to include her in your life.

You've got a tough time ahead of you. Use your head and your heart. This will be an experience you'll look back on someday as something that helped you grow up.

I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 5

Forgiveness is the biggest part. Once you can do that then you can do anything.
Forgive and forget, let go and lighten your load. A grudge can be a heavy weight to bear.
Steps:
1. Think about what happened.

2. Acknowledge all of your feelings. There is often anger lurking behind any hurt or sadness you might feel.

3. Express your feelings - write them out, talk to a friend or simply allow yourself to feel what you feel.

4. Accept responsibility for your own emotions. Although you were wronged and your emotions may be justified, it is still up to you to decide when you're ready to stop feeling angry or upset.

5. Talk to the other person about the behavior that upset you and how it made you feel. The odds are that you won't feel truly ready to forgive until you know this person has heard and understood your perspective.

6. Try to understand the other person's perspective, even if you don't really agree with it.

7. Rebuild trust in the relationship. Make agreements about acceptable future behavior whenever appropriate.

8. Make the decision to forgive, and communicate your forgiveness to the other person. Once you've done this, make every effort to move on and let it go completely.

You can forgive someone without condoning his or her behavior; forgiveness isn't the same thing as approval.

Avoid a defensive reaction by first venting your emotions outside the presence of the wrongdoer - this will help the interaction to be more productive.

Wait until you are truly ready to forgive. Respect your feelings and take all the time you need.

Decide either way
If you don't make the decision to forgive, your relationship is never going to improve. It might take some effort to forgive and not think negatively, but if you want the relationship to continue, it's something you have to do. If you don't want the relationship anymore, then make that decision and make it easier on everyone, instead of waiting for it to hit rock bottom.

First, when a problem arises and the battle is stopped, one of you two are going to have to sit down and talk. Even if the person you deal with is the wrong one, you put that aside and think of it as a regular conflict between a couple. Things happen. If it's not done so, you can start the peace talks. Think of it as you want to work out and not want to worsen the problem. If you're strong with pride, think of it as you being the bigger man or woman when you talk peacefully.

Don't start off blaming the other person for what they do, rather talk about feelings. Talk about what went through your partner's mind first. You might say something that causes him/her to change their original answer.

Once you've talked about it and done all that's need to be done in the argument, smile. Nothing gets the healing faster than seeing happiness. If you forgive someone, don't go up to them frowning or acting stressed out. Think about the signal you give them. If you want to forgive, be happy. Be happy that the whole situation is over and now just move on. Smile and be positive and it will be contagious. The other person will realize that you forgave them and it allows them to go on easier.

Answer 6

You may not know why she left your father. Do not waste your time thinking evil of her. She made mistakes in her life and may now be trying to get back on track. A long talk about what caused her to leave may help you understand things better. It takes allot to make a mother leave a child. Life can put unbelievable pressures on people and the wise thing to do is look at the whys in how a person lived. That may come in handy later in your life.

Answer 7

Hey at least she stayed with her for 8 years and she didn't give u up for adoption or abort you! She must have loved u to actually come back; some mothers never come back. Love her and weh u do u'll see all the love u've missed out on. Well if u think she should pay let her show u how much she loves u 1st. Tell her how u feel!

Answer 8

maybe your mom had to leave you for reasons beyond her control if she has come back now then maybe you should talk to her and find out why she left maybe tell her how her leaving you and coming back now makes you feel. And maybe you can start out slow with her like best friends but you should really give her a chance to explain and talk to her before you decide not to love her or forgive her . give her the benefit of the doubt. talking things out with her would be an excellent start.

Answer 9

Nobody can help you with this situation. Just follow your feelings. Talk to her and let her know how you feel and ask her to respect you. You will forgive her when you are ready.

Answer 10

lots of talking, honesty and TIME. She is a human being like you and don't think you yourself won't make the same mistakes.