Why wont my mother ever let me forget I'm a bastard?

Question

Check this out.. Im 19 now and my mother still wont let me forget that I dont know who my father is..now that Ima father she still rubs it in my face..The only thing i know about him was that he was Dominican..She is telling me that I will end up just like him and leave my Daughter Abeni..with no father..I couldnt deal with her harressment so i moved out..but now i work two jobs and i can hardly see Abeni..I have to ask friends to babysit her..how can i get my mother to be more supportive of me.. I think it all started when she got remarried..she ended up having more kids with her husband..and it seems she was ashamed of me or something..which has hurt me too this day..i just hope we can get along so she can help with Abeni

yeah i remember when she would introduce me with her other kids she would alwys like act like i wasnt with the family..or in church she wouldnt allow me to sit with family because she said that church is for famlies..yeah that messed me up lil bit

Answer 1

She's taking her mistakes out on you by trying to make YOU the mistake. D*amn that's tough. Honey, you are doing the right thing by being a stand-up father and I know it has to suck to have to work so much and not be able to be with your own child as much as you would like. Perhaps that in itself is one of the reasons she is acting as she is towards you. Believe it or not, some women become sooooo bitter by life's experiences that they wish the same ill will on others just so they can prove they aren't the only one it happened to.

Go on with your life with your child and let her have her life with the "perfect little family" she's trying to pretend that she has. She'll miss out on a wonderful grandchild and you will miss out on the misery she inflicts. It's a very hard thing to realize that our family doesn't love us as family should, but use that and chanel it into something good....like making sure you are continuing to do all you can do for your own child.

Trust me, you'll find a way to make peace within yourself when you realize you have to. *hugs*

Answer 2

You CAN'T get your mom to be more supportive of you -- she's still angry. Oh, and by the way, that you exist, is HER 'fault' not yours. There is no such thing as an illegitimate child, there are just poor parents. A marriage license is a social contract. SHE chose not to have one before becoming pregnant, not you. And I am sorry that you as well chose to have sex without protection and produce a daughter you are really not in a position to support. Sad for you both. Don't expect her to take care of your child -- she already took care of you. From now on, produce no more children that you cannot care for. It's called birth control, and if the lady isn't going to use any, then you must, or father child after child, after child. Learn from this experience, sir.... Good luck to you. You have created a very large responsibility at a very young age. In effect, you have given away your youth. And your daughter will get only the minimum of exposure to education. At this point, if she had talent in art, music, dance, you will probably never be able to afford music lessons, voice lessons or art lessons with a private tutor -- the only way to get really good. Sorry, but: Again, good luck to you..

Answer 3

I think that right now, what is most important is your child. This should be your first, last and only concern. Not that you don't want to "prove" your mother wrong, but kids can pick up on parents moods. If there is something bothering you, a small child will pick it up...and in turn affecting the child.
You should be happy that you have that child in your life and thank God every day for her.
Be thankful that you have friends that babysit her. Things will turn around if you have patience. As far as your mother, maybe you guys can get therapy together, or maybe she needs time to think about what she's doing to you as a son and also as a father. Have you tried a family meeting?

Answer 4

The first thing you should do is pray about what you are going throw and then thank God that you are not like your father and that your daughter is not going to have to go throw what you went throw. I known it is hold when your mother dose not help you but that should make you eager to keep doing what you are doing,because you can show your mom that you are not like your father you are better thin him and that is because of your mom so you should just thank her for making you a better person.You know if your mom is ashamed of you that is her fault not your and the next time she tells you that you are a bastard tell her in a nice way but in a way she knows that you mean it that is her fault not your and don't blame me for your fu** up so you don't fill bad OK you are a good man and keep up the good work and good look and God bless you and your little girl and just remember you are doing this for her and that she need you more then anyone. I will pray for you.

Answer 5

Why do you feel, that you're a b-a-s-t-a-r-d?

The best thing, that you ever did, was to move out of that verbally abusive situation.

Where is your daughter's mother? If you can afford, put your daughter in a daycare, instead of putting her off on your friends.

Your mother seems like she doesn't want a relationship with you, but anyway, the both of you could try, and get counseling (If she will agree to that)

Get involved in a Teen fathers Program (for ages 16-24, in your area) They will comfort and support you.

Or stay away from her, for a while, until things calm down.

Answer 6

you are what YOU MAKE OF IT ,
don't worry about the past
,your parents behavior is not your fault ,
wish i could give you advice but
one cannot change peoples characters
and you cannot force people to show respect
and love others
unfortunately.
just go your own way ,
and I hope that you will run into a partner who will be supportive of your situation and who will love you and Abeni together.
and never be ashamed of something that was beyond your control
judging by your photo your a good looking kid
I am sure the right person will cross your path.
somewhere along the line ,dont waste your energy
with the negative in your situation ,use it to go ahead
good luck is the best i can tell you

Answer 7

You are not a bastard! That is a word that is not used anymore
in that context anyway. You are you and nothing anyone says
can change that. You didn't choose your mother or father and
you are not responsible for what they did or did not do. You will
not end up any way except what you choose. Their predictions
will never come to pass if you don't allow it. She is more likely
ashamed of herself, but doesn't realize that, so she takes it out
on you. You can change the pattern and make a good life for
you and your daughter. The best of luck to you.

Answer 8

well....i know how that is. I am 35 almost 36 and my mom still reminds me that I had no father. So join the group. I know it is difficult. I go through it too but she needs to back off! I told my mom NO MORE TALKING ABOUT THINGS THAT UPSET ME. If she does then I hang up the phone. Bottom line is this. You seem like you are trying to do the right things by your kid and her opinion doesn't matter anymore. She is your mother yes, but she needs to raise her own kids she had with someone else and leave you alone. Good luck in the future with your mom.......I sympathize, trust me.

Answer 9

Okay, this is NOT the time for "talking" or "family meetings" or "acceptance". You are being a father and she is still dissing you.

Leave her and do NOT talk to her. She is poison. She will poison you for as long as she can, and she will start poisoning your lovely daughter the minute she gets the chance to.

Consider this woman an EVIL person, and stay far away from her.

You are a good father. Continue to love your daughter.

Good luck....you deserve the best!

Answer 10

Your mother is holding you accountable for what SHE did. She has no right to treat you the way she does. She probably takes things out on you because you possibly look like your father. How does her husband and his kids feel about how she treats you? If they act similarly, just write them all off as a lost cause and have nothing else to do with them---including not even acknowledging them as family. Your mother is not a very loving person. You really just don't need her! Move on with your life. Refuse to have anything else to do with her. She thinks by treating you badly that she is treating your real father badly. (By the way, do you KNOW that he is not named on your birth certificate?)