if you meet a new Boyfriend and tell him you were physically abused does that make ...?

Question

you susceptible to future abuse? how and why ?
because I read a question from a previous question answer don't let a new BF know you were abused because "past abuse could lead to future abuse? what does thsi mean? all guys are potential abusers if they know you were once abused? i'm confused...

Answer 1

not necessarily, but I would not tell any of my secrets to anyone who I do not know really well. You need to trust him first, know him and feel comfortable to talk about it....

Answer 2

No it does not mean that. Those are only guys that think you can take abuse. I've dated women that have told me they we're abused. It made me so self conscious and some sort of feelings of guilt in a weird way. I'm a guy and does that mean she will see me as a potential abuser? I hope not, or I will get blamed for stuff that not really abuse. Some women are abuse happy unfortunately.
I say keep it to yourself because it shouldn't be an issue in the current relationship. If it becomes an issue then see a conselor because he's not there to rescue you. It's like tell him how many men you've been with, he really doesn't want to know.
But if he does make light or disrespectful of you then tell him your not going to take his crap But most important you have to own the abuse (not the blame), just that you have a handle on it and have moved on. Otherwise you play into that pattern and he can't fix it.

Answer 3

Normally, most people are not abusers. If you meet someone nice, you can ususally count on them. If you tell your new boyfriend that you have been abused - in whatever way, I'm sure a normal guy will not take advantage of that to start an abuse. Normally he will care for you. If he, on the other hand is an abuser, he might abuse you - but then he would have anyway.

It might be so, that if he gets to know that you have been abused, that he thinks you are easy to controle, that he gets to decide the most - is that abuse? He might think - - - um... maybe this is too difficult, she might expect too much of me.... and he'll back off.

If I were you, I'd not tell. Try and live with it - without him knowing. Let him get the good of you. If you have the urge to talk about it, use your best friend or a therapist - at least the first half year of your new relationship.

Answer 4

No, Mysterious, it is a sad part of child abuse that the matter gets more and more confused as you grow older. I was in exactly the same position. I am male and was abused at the age of 7 (not seriously if one can say that). As I aged, I had the greatest fear of becoming an abuser. All the statistics said that most abusers were abused when young. This had frightened me, as I misinterpreted it. It did not mean anything that I was thinking.
With regards to your 'problem'. You were very wise to have told him and if he is any good he will help you through any problem you may still have. This is not only for your benefit, but for the benefit of all girls and women, any man who abuses you, sexually, emotionally or physically gets no second chance and make them aware of the fact. Always have the means at your disposal to leave him should anything happen. Finally, I hope that your new boyfriend threats you with respect and you both find true love for the rest of your lives.................

Answer 5

No you got it wrong. all men do not abuse and is even wrong to assume. some studies say that someone who gets abused is more likely to become an abuser but this is just an opinion and no real study could prove this.

as for your boyfriend honesty and trust is something not to take lightly. Is it dishonest to just say nothing? yes it is. If your going steady with someone you must feel their is a furture if not then you need to regroup with what a relationship suppose to be and if you do feel their is a future it will only fall apart if somewhere down the road he finds out your hiding something.

If he is a good guy and you trust him tell him so he can work with you through any emotional issues that may come up if you do not trust him or have any doubt stop dating and wait until the guy your with is someone you fully trust.

Answer 6

I really doubt knowing that you were abused would make a non-abuser into an abuser.

You don't say your age, but I am going to believe that you need counseling to help you self esteem, you may just be setting yourself up to be abused because you believe, at some level, that you deserve it. This is not tru, no one deserves to be abused, ever.

All guys are NOT potential abuser. You just have to learn to look out for the signs and if you see them, terminate the relationship immediately.

I was raised in an abusive household, I have had abusive relationships. My current relationship is not abusive. It is wonderful.

Just hang in there, you will meet the right person.

Answer 7

I wish I had the answer for you. You could try it and get out at the first signs of abuse.
I was abused and it is not easy getting out. I don't want to say they are all abusers. That isn't fair. Read up on the signs of an abuser, as they all follow the same pattern, and see if your b/f has any of these tendencies.
Tread softly hon, its no fun.
Your question is confusing. Seems you were the abused. While you are reading , see if any of the tendencies fit you and if they do , get anger management classes now.
Yes you need to tell him.

Answer 8

No and that's stupid advice.
You need to not tell someone right away that you were abused. You need to give the realtionship time to progress naturally. If you start flinging in your problems of the past, it might make this guy run far and fast.

I think what you read was trying to say is "girls that get into relationships with abusive men subconciously seek out this type of man and when she finds him the abuse will continue"
You have to be careful and get to know the guy very well before you become too committed. Be careful.

Answer 9

I don't know what that is supposed to mean. It's OK to tell someone you were abused if you trust them and want them to know. Especially if you are going to be in a relationship with this guy. An abusive guy is an abusive guy and one who is not is not. Telling them about your past will not change that.

One thing they might be getting at is that if you have been stuck in abusive relationships before, you might get yourself into similar situations. I know that happens. Just know that you are valuable and you are what is most important. If another guy is abusive to you, get out fast. You have to be emotionally stable to know what is good for you and to act on it. Some people have troubles in that they set themselves up for abusive relationships because of their own personal difficulties, so watch out for that. But just telling a new boyfriend about your history is not going to make him think it's OK to abuse you. It's important that he know about it so he knows why you may be vulnerable at times.

Answer 10

If I was told by a girl that she was physically abused in the first month of dating… I would probably run away…. She will always have that in the back of her mind and that can totally ruin the relationship. SO if I don’t have a lot of time invested in the relationship then I am gone for sure…

Answer 11

It means that if you were abused once the new bf will think your not able to defend yourself. So when you dont listen to him, he'll just abuse you because he knows you wont fight back like the past.