Women, would you date a guy like me?

Question

I'm a bitter, empty shell of a man. I like to spend my time sulking, shaking my fists at the heavens and cursing God for having created the universe, and occasionally watching Celebrity Poker Showdown on tv.

My favorite passtime is barricading myself in my home and peering suspiciously out the windows.

I believe that sex is the most beautiful thing that money can buy.

I believe that it is possible to survive entirely on a diet of cheetos.

I believe that if at first you don't succeed, throw a tantrum and quit and never try again.

I'm looking for a deeply disturbed woman, one fresh out of or perhaps still residing in a mental institution. A woman who could hide from the world with me, on the couch, watching Celebrity Poker Showdown covered in orange cheeto powder.

What do you say?

Answer 1

No. I don't date men who are not literate enough to spell "pastime" correctly. And how in the world did you manage to cover Celebrity Poker Showdown in orange Cheeto powder without any of the rest of us noticing? You are a clever little monkey, aren't you?

Answer 2

Why would you want a woman like that? I think you need to clean youself and find a better life. I mean sitting on a couch and watching tv ain't going to get you nowhere. Are you for real or you just joking to seek ppls opinions. Advice, take a cold shower where you cool your soul, then go outside and take a walk and smell the fresh air. I don't think you like to be biter. Then look for a job if you don't have any and meet new ppl and maybe you would find you dream gurl that hasn't been in mental hospital.

Answer 3

I'm trying to watch my weight. Baked Cheeto still has the orange powder (see my question on the dreaded Cheeto finger syndrome) is that ok? i would love to come share your empty, impotent life with your pasty skinned, wasted body self, sounds great. If we ever want to sort of smile, we can play find the rancid twinkie in my belly roll.

Answer 4

I say you certainly sound like an interesting person. I hope you do find a nice mentally disturbed girl to live your hermit life with. I once tried my best to date a man with very similar characteristics and he only pushed me away. I will assume that you too have pushed several would be loves away...try to hold them close and make sure you get plenty of cheeto dust on them, girls just love to be marked. Best wishes

Answer 5

Oh ... umm ... yeah ... you do sounds like someone I would date in a heartbeat! My Goodness you have so many qualities a person should be looking for - ya know Cheetos YUMMM and sitting on the couch for hours at a time yup surely you sound like a wonderful man! *gag*

Answer 6

You definitely have a great sense of humor and I do love Cheetos ...But I'm married, maybe someone else will snatch you up!!! And to think women are asking where all the good men are!!!!

Answer 7

I believe that sex is the most beautiful thing that money can buy. No. Ur quite crazy. And bald. And miserable. I don't know your age. My heart is taken, I'm kinda taken, so no.

Answer 8

Listen, Dad, ...Mom said to tell you to come home and quit playing on the computer at work.

She needs a ride to Bible study again. She is taking hotwings tonight and needs you to help her carry the celery.

Pls hurry.

Answer 9

Sorry, I've already got a fellow cheeto eater. But good luck with that!

Answer 10

You are so funny!!
Homer Simpson says, "If something is hard to do, then it's not worth doing." Contact me if you are 25 or older. You sound hilarious!!