Please, help! How to keep a distance from a woman who is interfering in our most personal parts of life using the excuse of desperately loving my husband and me and that she cares soooooo much? She use to take xanax if we call 5 min later than she expected… I am trying to let her know that I don't like her personal questions, interfering, that we are grow ups, but she is not willing to understand it and give it up until I start to be rude. Then she feels insulted. If she offers me a cake and I say "no, thanks", she will trying repeatedly and will be able to take that cake in her hand and try to put it in my mouth! She is terrorizing all the family by her care, playing some eternal victim but actually, she makes all of us turning around her. I feel my husband sabotages me because he is not able to confront her and support me. But after visiting her, we both feel as if someone sucked all our blood. I have to do something! We are going to spend a part of the summer in her town and I am already going crazy!
2006-06-11 06:53:39 · 12 answers · asked by Aurora 4 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Oh, she is suffering from agorafobia and has no intention to do something with that. So we are trapped!
2006-06-11 07:05:59 · update #1
Be firm when she tries to control you by asking questions, forcing food, etc. You need to let her know she needs to step back and take an appropriate position in your lives. If at first a polite "No thank you" doesn't work, look her in the eye and say "Please stop, I don't want to hurt your feelings but I am not going to eat a piece of cake, I'm not hungry."
She makes you feel like you're being rude to make her the victim, so that you'll feel guilty and let her have her way. Be firm, you need to have some control in the relationship as well.
2006-06-11 07:02:23 · answer #1 · answered by Gillian 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may be time for you to use one of dear Abbys' best responses to all unwanted questions. "Why would you need to know that" said with a smile. Your mother in law may not realize that what she thinks is love, is actually smothering. Food may be a part of her love cycle ( her Mom feed everbody ergo she loved them) You and your husband need to set acceptable parameters without shutting her out ( as do all others who are in the same boat). Some mothers think that if they are not in on everything you will think they don't care! Other mothers are so lonely that they have no other outlet. Does she have any friends? Does she do any senior things? Any hobbies? Ask her to make a memory book for the whole family, with all stories, pictures , about her and her husband, her parents and their parents.Tell her this is a great thing for any grandchildren to have for their children and so on done the line. And compliment her on her progress. This might give her something to concentrate on besides things she needs to let go. When you go to visit this summer bring her albums and journals and even a small tape recorder to start her off. Good luck!!
2006-06-11 14:09:39 · answer #2 · answered by olderandwiser 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you and your husband should talk and confront her. Explain how you feel and that you both need some space. Tell her you know that she loves you both just as you both love her very much; its just that you need some space of your own. If you keep these feelings bottled up, resentment and bitterness will grow like poison inside of you and you'll both be unhappy. I felt like you did. My mother in law constantly kept calling us but I realize that she just loved us terribly too much. You have to communicate or she won't leave you alone. Good luck.
2006-06-11 13:59:27 · answer #3 · answered by ♥Lily♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good luck. My mother in law is the same way. She calls the house incessantly and is constantly trying to get into our personal lives and business. Usually, I have to be rude to get her to stop for a while. At first it bothered me to do that, but after a while, it just became what was necessary. I never apologized for being rude and she always came back as if nothing happened.
2006-06-11 13:58:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to see if you can get her involved in something that she can care about other than you!
I would suggest you sign her up as a volunteer at the local hospice, hospital, library ( she can mentor those who can't read ), taping for the blind, and I can give you a thousand more volunteer things. She has nothing to focus on except the family and until she diversifies, you get alllllll that attention.
2006-06-11 14:00:52 · answer #5 · answered by Miss Texas 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to just stand up yourself and say that "hey your personal questions bother me and it needs to stop." Also if you say no to cake YELL it if she doesnt stop pushing. Tell her she is pushy. Dont give a **** anymore about her feelings cause she sounds pushy. She will never stop until you tell her to stop. If you husband is a whimp and wont stand up do it yourself. Who cares what she thinks or feels when you tell her the truth!? You are his WIFE and not some little GF that he may dump later. You are with him for life and you need to make it stop. Express all your feelings to this woman everytime she is pushy or asks personal questions. Dont answer her questions just say "that is a personal question and i do not appreciate it and I will not answer it nor will my husband (her son) answer it!"
2006-06-11 14:00:09 · answer #6 · answered by Educated 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She sounds like Marie on "Everybody Loves Raymond." :D
The professional who prescribed the Xanax for her should re-evaluate her to see what is really wrong. Your husband, being her son, should be the one to talk her into, and bring her to the doctor.
I don't know how old a lady she is, but she might be suffering depression - or feel that she doesn't have a lot of time left on this earth. Please get your hubby to bring her to the doctor, and I know that he or she will be able to treat or refer her.
2006-06-11 14:07:54 · answer #7 · answered by Terri C. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's not "caring," that's "CONTROLLING." Ultimately, it is your husband's responsibility to address it. Be forewarned, though, anything that happens in the fallout will be *your* fault. The son's wife almost always gets blamed.
Good books...
"Toxic Parents" by Dr. Susan Forward
"Trapped in the Mirror" by Elan Golomb
2006-06-11 14:00:56 · answer #8 · answered by jd 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All u got to do is to tal to her as woman to woman,try and let her know that u need ur privacy.I believe whn u tell her ur reasons sure she will understand u and quit to disturb ur privacy.
2006-06-11 14:14:34 · answer #9 · answered by prince chris 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time to call Dr. Phil.
2006-06-11 13:58:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋