how do i stop feeling so lonely and sad and im only 14 years old?

Question

I dont understand i get so depressed sumtimes. i just stay one place and cry in my room or i just cant control myself i become eagar to eat and in my mind i know i am not hungry. I make up in my imagination the way i should look and how my life should be. Without that i dont think i could of made it because i get veryyy sad when i come back to dealing with my real life. thats when i cry when i realize what i was thinking was just a day dream, Then i am faced to go on with my life but when im at a place you could look at me and see im not thinking like im there i sit there and daydream about how things should be. I try writing poetry but that dont help i just feel helpless and all i am on the world for is to take up space

i do have friends well idk i call them associates. But i have many of them. They laugh and play games and its okay i guess. But they always pick on me i guess bc im the weaker one out of the group, they say curse at her she just sits there she wont say nuthin bac. and i dont i just do wateva they say bc im alreadi lonely and wat will happen if they all stop being my frens. its a shame too i use to be the happiest person always smilin but now i tend to like the dark color black. My closet is full of it. My room the walls are painted black there is nuthen with color in there. The light makes me irritaed and i snap on my mom. My sister she is a occupational therapist and a phycologist(howeva u spell it) she s the only one that ,makes me feel special like i am someone and that im going to be very successful but she lives far now and well i have no1 i have told no 1 but on here theinternet. kids dont even talk to me on here. my mom wudnt let me take pills if she knew its against my culture

Answer 1

hey, this is problee gonna sound weird, but reading ur description sounds exactly like the way that I am. I am also a fourteen year old girl and i do many of the same things that you do. And although I'm not a textbook or a surefire answer giver, i'm gonna try to help you. ok, here we go!

*when u are sad and depressed and want to be in ur room, instead of crying and hiding call someone!!! or IM or whatever, tell them how u feel or make plans to do something! that way u can concentrate on something other than misery. i did the same things u did, the beginning of 2006 i didn't talk to anyone, i was classified as a "goth" in school just because i dress like one and i would bum around and not smile and laugh, even if i knew i wanted to, i also found myself eating just because i was bored, which wasn't good.

*when u make up things in ur mind about how ur life should be lke how u should look or having the perfect boyfriend or house or a lot of money, stop and realize that so, yea maybe what u do have seems like ****. but look around u! do u have friends that are worse off? think not about what u dont have, but what u do! try every day to look in the mirror and find ONE thing about yourself that u like, give yourself just one compliment, every day, it really helps! i used to wake up every morning and say to the mirror "goodmorning stupid. i hate u and arent u glad that u are one day closer to dying today?" i used to do that. EVERY DAY. i told myself i was stupid and ugly. and thats exactly what i became. im a straight A student most of the time and i was failing my classes and i looked like hell, to tell the truth. but giving compliments and talking to friends and going places so u dont have time to think about everything depressing really does help.

*when u sit and dream in public places, try to WAKE UP!!! lol. when i find myself doing exactly that. i look around at people i dont know. i think about what it would be like to be a man in a wheelchair or a woman that has to wear a wig because of cancer, or a child on a leash! and it makes me realize yea so i dont like myself, but look at THESE PEOPLE! these people that have it so much worse than i do - and they just keep living their lives! and believe it or not, thats what U need to do!!!

*when poetry doesn't help, maybe try just drawing things, or even ripping a notebook apart that helps me! haha, yes, i write poetry too and sometimes it helps, it gives me a sort of satisfaction, but when it doesnt, it really helps to talk, even just to yourself! an no, you arent crazy if u do that, as long as you aren't answering yourself haha.

i know what its like to feel like u are only here to take up space and that everything will be better and no one will care when u are finally gone. i know how that feels. and yea it sucks, but its not true! u can make just as much of a difference living the life u do now, as the one u imagine, just open up and talk to somene and try to start doing more when u feel like isolating yourself or eating for no reason because, if u are this much like me, i can already tell that u are an awesome person!!! and thats the truth!!! really it is!!! i'm glad u posted your question and i'm even more glad i saw it and have the chance to try to help...i dont know if i helped much, after all, im only 14 like you, not a professional or anything. but then again, maybe i can help MORE than a pro could, cause ive actually BEEN there

so, i really hope i helped u and if u just overlook this cause u are angry and dont like what i said, its fine, really, i wont think any less of u as a wonderful person, but just do remember this, please, if someone cares enough to try to help u, U ARE NOT WORTHLESS!!! and u do MUCH more than just take up space! remember that!

well, maybe if i ever have a question, u can help me with mine sometime? talk to u later maybe!
-Rachel J. age:14, Pennsylvania, USA, e-mail: [e-mail]

Answer 2

Wow! Been there! When I was 14, I was the same way....it wasn't until I was much older that I figured it out, some things I needed help to figure out also. Had it not been for my 2 year baby sister at the time calling 911, I would've bled to death AND left her with that legacy. I had so many issues at the time: abuse, rape, loneliness. It was crazy! I felt like someone had taken my soul and locked it away in a closet.

Here's the good news:
The moods are due to hormone changes - you have the same hormones going through your body that a pregnant woman does.
Also, it is now 18 years past that very dark period in my life; when I thought I was nothing, and would never escape the life I was born into. I have since traveled to 8 different countries, 29 out of the 50 states (Hawaii tops all), I have repelled of the Pali lookout, wandered through the streets in Verona, Italy, Made snowmen in July! And the best, I have 2 children (both Autistic) who think that I am the best Mom in the world. Because of my ability to see things a little "sideways", we are in sync. And they make me laugh EVERY DAY!!!! As for your "friends", who cares what they think or say. real friends don't treat you like crap and put you down honey, real friends raise you up and accept you for the unique person that you are. One more thing, if you spend all your time in a daydream, you'll miss out on the real-life adventures and opportunities out there. Embrace who you are, and don't froget that high school is temporary!!!!!

Answer 3

You are adjusting to the fact that you are alone. As spiritual beings, being alone is not our nature. In our true natural state (as spirits) we are never truly alone, and are connected to all things. One of the side-effects of incarnating as a human is to disconnect and to live as an individual. It's a lot for a spirit to deal with, and so sometimes it makes us sad, but don't worry, it's only the illusion of loneliness.

Try this, when you're riding in a car, stare at the backs of people walking, and see how many turn to look, versus the number who you are not directly staring at who turn. When I do it, I find that the people I stare at tend to turn. On some basic level, that is proof that we are connected. why else would people just spontaneously turn to look?

Plus, at 14 you've got a LOT of hormones running through your body. Hormones and emotions don't mix well. DON'T take any drugs to make you feel better. Your neural biology is still maturing (and will continue until about the age 25) and using ANY drugs at this point could PERMANENTLY affect your body's ability to produce certain neural transmitters, especially those affecting your body's ability to feel happy.

You might want to try Yoga, or singing bowls, or a hobby. Personally, I often use the daydreaming approach like you. I often design entire cities in my head, which always work at harmony with nature. I can go there in my mind when this world becomes too much, and be at peace, and work through whatever I need to work through. I find that it helps calm my spirit.

Answer 4

I know this is really tough for you...I felt the same way when I was 14. So, I have to wonder how common this is, or if it really is not depression, as much as it is a natural awakening of who you are becoming as a young woman -- guys, too, i would suppose. perhaps it's more like a butterfly emerging from its cocoon childhood (however crappy or happy) to realise that it is a big world, and things aren't the way you had seen them before.
You are waking up.

We naturally go through these re-evaluating, evolutionary changes about every 7 years...you did it when you were 7, and you'll do it again when you are 21+/-, and so on...

As for what to do right now?

Don't get involved with drugs and alcohol, because it only impairs your development, and you'll get emotionally stalled out at that point. Be present (OBSERVANT) in the Now.

Know yourself. Connect with others.
Dig deeper into your spirit for the Truth. Be creative. Write!

Write and write and write and WRITE!!

You are welcome to contact me.
Be kind to yourself, my young Friend!

Love & Light

Answer 5

Is something terrible going on in your real life? It's a shame that you need to go into a world of daydreams to feel happy.

Have you told this to a parent or school counselor or nurse? It's possible you may need to see a doctor, so that he or she can find out what's going on with your life. That thing about eating when you are not hungry sounds like it could be depression - and depression cannot go untreated. You would definitely need to be diagnosed and treated (with therapy and/or pills). Either or both could change everything for the better for you.

I wish you well, and please do tell someone. :)

Answer 6

I think you are experiencing what a lot of teenagers go through. With all the hormonal changes in your body, everything is a little screwed up. My advice is to go find someone you are talking with, like a high school councilor, teacher, friend, psychologist, or whatever, but find someone you can talk to. You may also want to think about talking to a psychiatrist who can prescribe some drugs to help the imbalance that may be going on in your head. Just remember, there are a lot of people out there that care about you, and you are not alone in how you feel.

Answer 7

I was lonely alwys even now when i'm 26. I do the same as you, imagining how it would be if i had friends, etc.But you can avoid a future of lonelineess. . Do something fun, even if you're lonely, just keep your mind busy with your hobbies, then go out to library, bookstore, or whatever you like, maybe you can meet people.
I hope you can conquer this, i didn't conquer it ever when i was in school, highschool, college,,, and look at me now.. i'm kind of a failure. But i wish you luck, be happy with yourself, then you will attract happy people.

Answer 8

Well, I'm guessing you don't have such a good body image. It doesn't matter how you want things to be, because, you may not realize it right now, but you're life is probably better than someone else's. You should be proud of that. If you need anymore help, talk to me...I'm 14 too.

Answer 9

You should act on what you make up in your mind. You need to be with other people. If that is not available, then contact people in your communicty. Join some activity group. You have to cahnge your focus from you to others. Imagine doing some volunteer work at places where people are less fortunate than you are.

Answer 10

Have you taken time to "smell the roses" as they say? Have you stopped thinking about yourself and taken time to enjoy what Nature provides?...a blue sky? ..a warm sun? a bird singing? a gentle breeze? Have you enjoyed watching small children at play? Have you smiled at someone and thus brightened his/her day? Have you helped someone with something? Do you realize that you are a distinct individual with your own strengths and potential, as is everyone, and that it is impossible to be a carbon copy of someone else? If everyone was the same, what a dull world this would be!! Each of us has strengths and weaknesses; each has his/her own corner where he/she shines a little brighter, where he/she can offer a little light to others. Take each day as it comes, seeing what you can give to it...not trying to take something from it .. and when someone offers the hand of friendship by a smile, a small gesture, say thank you and let your heart sing. Realize that no one individual is the centre of the universe, that we ALL have a part to play in it, that we all have the potential to improve that universe by even small gestures of kindness. As you look at ways to help others, you will find a whole new dimension to life.

You say you have friends; if they truly are friends, they will not pressure you to do things you don't want to do. If these people are pressuring you to be/do something that you in your heart of hearts don't want, take your stand and say no thanks. You do not want to be a doormat. You have to be true to your own values and to yourself; if you can't be true to yourself, how can you respect yourself or be true to other people? We grow as we gather strength. It is so much more rewarding to forge one's own path than to merely let other people dictate how we should run our lives.

When I was in high school, one cold wet Spring day on my way home, I felt depressed. I happened to look at a small common puddle and saw in it the reflection of the delicate tracing of the branches and twigs of the tree above. That taught me a lesson I've never forgotten... even in the small things in life (like a mud puddle), one can find beauty. I've used that lesson on occasion, looking for and finding good in situations that seemed miserable.

I do so hope that my comments have helped you. As you look for and appreciate the good in life, you will cease to feel so depressed. May you find something more beautiful in all the mud puddles you come across !!! =)