What age should a child stop sleeping with his or her parents? What do you do if they continue to cry when you

Question

put them in their own bed?

Answer 1

Here in Oklahoma.....they generally stop around 23 or 24 yrs old.


But that's just US.

Answer 2

Crying child at night in own bed?
The age the child should sleep in his or her own room depends on the culture and the child.

In past cultures, the entire family slept in one room, often several people in one bed. Children still love this! There development seems to lag behind social customs.

In the stone age, the entire family group stayed much closer together than we normally are. I feel that nowadays children are still "stone age" children emotionally: they behave like back then, and have to adapt slowly to our alien age, alien to nature. This should be a gentle process, not laced with harsh punishments.

In our culture we generally want children to have their own room, which has advantages, too.

When a child keeps crying when put in his or her own bed, the child must feel lonely or afraid of something. I would try one of the following:

1) I would allow the child to fall asleep in the parents' room, and when sound asleep, gently carry it to his/her own bedroom. Later, when the child is older, I would try points 2-4.

2) I would place the child in his or her own bed and sing a song, or when the child is a bit older, may be read a calming story, no negative events in the story, to calm fear. This I would do until the child is sound asleep.

3) I would place the child in his or her bed and lie down next to the bed on a cot or the floor, until the child is sound asleep, then slowly and quietly leave the room.

4) I would always calm the child at night when s/he cries, for this is important for feeling secure later in life.

Negative example
A very rich couple lived in a huge mansion. They wanted a child so bad and had to wait many years until they finally had a daughter. Yet, after a few years they found out that the child was delayed in everything from speaking to eating herself and other age related skills. The physician diagnosed the child for being a retard.

Well, this seemed to be so. However, inquiries showed that the parents had placed the child at night in her own room, many doors away from the parent's bedroom down the huge hall, so that they would not be disturbed if the child would awake and cry! Thus the child was left alone with her need for comfort and calming. She must have felt totally frustrated when nobody would help her so that she shut down her natural curiosity to investigate, in order to hold down her fear!

I think that one cannot spoil a baby, s/he needs comfort and reassurance that s/he is taken care of and not left alone. Later, step by step, the child can be taught to adapt to others' needs and circumstances. The first months and years of life are the most important for the child's later happiness in life.

You may want to try the above suggestions or combine these and other gentle methods to find a good solution for your child and yourself.

Cordially, India.Magica

Answer 3

This is a tough one, been there. When my first was about one, I got lectured from my pediatrician on this. He said that no one gets a healthy nights sleep when there is to many in the bed. Everyone is constantly waking up each time someone moves.
At first I was frustrated with his opinion. Since I had another one the way, I started putting him to bed in his own twin bed. He of course thought having his own big bed was cool, but didn't want to sleep in it. So we used to lay down with him until he drifted off, but this got old. After many nights of crying and consistently walking him back to his bed, he finally gave in and stayed in his bed willing. All I can say is at first, it is very frustrating, but well worth it. Just don't give in, keep walking him/her back to bed, no matter what time of night. Establish a good bedtime routine, read a book, etc. For my third our ritual was read a book, say "don't let the bud bugs bite" and that was the end of it. I can honestly say, sleeping without that extra body in the bed is nice and we do sleep better. Good Luck!!!

Answer 4

I would say a majority of the time they should be in their own bed around 1-2. But if they have nightmares they should stop coming into your room around 5-6 years old. After your child falls asleep put them in their own bed. Then after a couple weeks start putting them asleep in their own bed. Start by reading stories or singing to them. Then after a couple weeks tuck them in, say good night, and tell them that you will be in to check on them in 5 minutes. Do so until they fall asleep... After a couple days or so raise the time to 10. Then keep raising the time until they can fall asleep on their own. This should work. How old is your child?

Answer 5

Stop trying to put them in their own bed.
Their time will come on it's own, I promise.
I thought my kids would never get out of my bed, but sure enough, thety each sleep in their own now.
My daughter is likely to come in at least three timwes/week during the night. There is no way I'd ever let my kids think they weren't welcome. Once they know it's ok either way, they tend to relax a bit and go to their own bed by themselves.
there are times you'll want your alone time, and the rules about that night can be told that day. let them know that this is the night they need to be in their bed.
Listen to your heart, not what opposing views think.
Your kids and you will benfit from the closeness they feel with you, and I guarantee they won't be in your bed when they graduate!!! Good luck, and relax. it really is sweet to have them nestled up to us. They grow up too fast
By the way, my girl is 5 1/2, and my son is 8.
When my husband is away for the night, we have a slumber party in my room. My son always ends up on the floor, or back in his room, because his PS II is in there!!!

Answer 6

My 3 year old daughter always goes to bed in her own bed...but she usually wakes up early and comes into bed with her mother and me...Its not a bad thing, but do not encourage it after 3-4 yrs of age. This is normal for most kids, but after 4 years old they need to learn responsibility and that includes sleeping in their own bed like the rest of the world.

Answer 7

I am where you are right now. You just have to let them get over it. My husband and I put my son's bed in our room for the time being just to get him used to sleeping in his own bed. We plan on moving it to his own room in a couple of weeks. Children shouldn't sleep in a parents bed at all it causes all sorts of problems. Trust me I know. But you can try letting them cry then going in after say ten minutes just to let them know you are there but only stay for a minute to reassure them and then go again. Keep trying this. It WILL get worse before it gets better. Good luck

Answer 8

Make their own bed a positive thing- now they are getting so "big", etc. Make sure they are comfortable. Provide a nightlight or whatever else they need. Be understanding of their needs, yet firm. Stay with your child for awhile while they are going to sleep, but leave before they are actually asleep. Then gradually leave for increasing amounts of time, while continuing to check on them. Spend extra time with them during other times, snuggling, etc. so they know it is not because you don't love them or want to be with them, but that you each need your own separate sleeping space. A consistent bedtime routine will also help, especially one that is nurturing (read a story, tuck them in, etc).

Answer 9

Ist off a child should NEVER sleep with the parents....now you have made it harder to let the kid learn how to sleep on his/her own..... when the kid gets up at night you have to go in lay him/her back down...DON'T SAY A WORD!!!! And walk out. Now that the child has been sleeping with you it will be harder to get them to stop. Sorry to say but this is gunna be harder on you... but you have to let the kid cry it out... they have to learn that you will not give in no matter how hard they cry. It usually takes about 3-4 days for the kid to get the point.

Answer 10

I have them stop sleeping with me continuously by the age of 12 yet allow them to sleep with me once and awhile. There is nothing wrong with that you can love your child even more.

Answer 11

if child had started sleeping in its own bed the day it came home from the hospital and continued to do so every night you wouldnt be having this problem now