me and my g/f?

Question

Ok ya'll I have my g/f right? we're been together for over 3 years. The sex was great until she came and told me that she has never enjoyed the sex that we had because she was raped and since the she has never enjoy penetration. The only she likes is licking. She is sacares of seeking help because she doesnt rust anyone since that guys who raped her was a very closed relatives. I am thinking of breaking up with her is she doesnt agree to seek help. I am very sexually frustrated

I am feeling a lot of people in this joint.But what you all also need to understand is that we have been going thru this for over 2 years. I have pull the last string of my vocal cord so that she can understand the neccesity to seek help.Of course I love her but once again loves has its limits and I am also made of flesh and have needs. The few times that we have sex these days, she 's always wants me to get off her! which wasnt the case at the begening so I figure if at the begening she was able to tolerate ses why cant she do it now? Very puzzling to me!

Answer 1

Dude this ain't normal. She's got serious issues that she needs to address yet she won't and as a result your relationship is suffering. You've been patient and supportive yet she still won't do what is right so...... dump her A-S-S!!! It might be painful but at the same time there is nothing else you can do but continue to be unhappy.

Answer 2

Well...

She's scared of seeking help, which can be an understandable reaction, however it sounds like she must be in a lot of emotional pain. It also seems like she must have been terrified of telling you that she didn't enjoy sex with you because of the rape.

Does she understand that there are female counsellors - and that she doesn't have to tell them who did it if she doesn't want to? If she does tell a counsellor who, then they have to report it, but she doesn't have to tell and if she says she doesn't want to say who did what and give details, a good counsellor won't press the issue.

If she's scared, then perhaps she just needs a bit of time to think it over and a bit of reassurance. Post traumatic stress is a really awful thing to go through - in my opinion worse than the actual event.

Answer 3

No, breaking up with her would just add to her distrust of men. Don't rush her to get help. She will just pull away. But also explain to her that any help she gets, the session will remain confident. Her help cannot go out and tell anyone because that is breaking the contract of confidentiality. Say you will go with her if she wants you to. Be there for her. As far as sexual frustation, do something that doesn't lead to penetration.

Answer 4

your g/f needs professional help and if she refuses to go for the help for her own reasons there isn't much you can do to force her being a rape victim myself here of a male relation when i was 14 when ever i entered a relationship i told my b/f of the rape i find it odd she waited 3 years if not longer to tell you i also feel she maybe just into the oral part of sex if she refuses to seek help i would find someone else when you feel the time is right

Answer 5

I see your point.......but breaking up with her would be a mistake.
try to remember that the only reason she told you, and You alone, is becuase she trusts you.. If you abandon her, she will never have the ability to trust again.
Give her time, but keep talking to her to seek help. She obviously needs it....help her find a good psychologist, talk to her about the way she feels, and stick with the oral untill she's comfortable enough to go the other thing........
She needs your help, and needs reassurance, and guidance....and i think she came to you, cause you are the closest to her now.....help her out.......Don't leave her...you'll only break a healing heart.......Good luck

Answer 6

dont break up with her because you wont only regret it, but you make her trust toward men more lower than normal.. and thats not something you want for her especially if you love and if you really want her to get help.. just go find a women pyschologist, and ask her if she would be willing to come talk to you gf for free in a public or private place and dont let your gf know that your doing it because if she knows then she wont go with you.. and thats another thing.. go with her so she thinks or knows that she isnt alone and that she has you by her side threw the whole thing and that will be one of the first steps to her trusting men again is knowing that she has you by her side....

Answer 7

u shouldn't break up wit her because that would put her in even more deppressment or sadness and she would never be able to have sex until a extremely long time
so just wait a little longer and tell her its ok cause she got u and kiss her and ask her to come eat when u cook dinner that would take some things off her mind

Answer 8

To me it sound like u were just in the relationship just for sex. hey u don't know how it like to be raped so give the girl a break. when she's ready she'll seek help .ok

Answer 9

You certainly cannot force her to get help - it is up to her, but you can lovingly recommend that she gets help - and if she does go for help, then you will stand by her. Explain to her that the help is for her own good - but if she chooses not to seek help, then you have no choice but to move on because you deserve to have someone healthy in a relationship, just as she deserves to have a healthy partner.
If that doesn't do it, then move on.

Good luck and God bless you both.

Answer 10

is there only a sexual relation btw u & ur g/f?......wasn't there any emotional bonding btw u? It might be ur mistake during sexual intercourse u might hv done something tht reminded her of her past, u must rather not console her but not also leave her, hepl her to come of this, just think y did he told u this after 3 long yrs, b'coz she might be so frustuated tht just told u watever she felt...I know u r also right u might be emotionally frustuatebut if ur love is not only up to sex thn be wt her in her tough times ignore urself fora timebeign