At my husband's work Christmas party, I invited one of the young women in his office to sit at our table because her date was working late. She has apparently taken a liking to me. At first she just spent a few minutes talking to me on the phone when I called my husband. Then she moved on to calling me. Then she started dropping by our house to visit every once in a while, as she only lives a few blocks away. Now she comes by every few days. She has shown up at our doorstep with uncooked steaks, salad and rolls, and invited herself to dinner. She buys me expensive gifts (the newest one being the entire OPI Spring collection). I have tried talking to her about our age difference (20 years) and the fact that we don't have much in common. She agrees with me, and stays away a few days, but she always comes back. Recently, she has begun to tell her co-workers that she and I are best friends. How do I politely make it clear to her that I would like her to leave me alone?
2006-06-11 00:46:48 · 14 answers · asked by Bronwen 7 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Oh, one more detail. I am about the same age as her mother. Her mother made her move out at the age of 16 because her boyfriend didn't like having a teenager around the house. I think it's quite possible she is looking for a mother figure, but I am not interested in filling that role for her. She is young, and I don't want to hurt her or make her feel rejected, but I would like her to understand the concept of boundaries, and that she is currently invading mine.
My husband did try talking to her at work in more forceful terms. There are rules at his workplace against socializing excessively with those you supervise, but she isn't socializing with him, she's fixed on me, so my husband really cannot do anything about it.
2006-06-11 00:52:08 · update #1
There is no other way except the direct way. Tell her in no uncertain terms that she should not come over uninvited, nor call you anymore, as this is an invasion of privacy. What I am saying is harsh , but this woman has to be told the truth in words she can understand. It seems like etiquette isn't bgetting you any results in resolving this matter. Good luck.
2006-06-11 00:57:16 · answer #1 · answered by WC 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I don't think there is a polite way about this.
Sit down and confront her. Have someone sit by your side if that makes you comfortable.
If you want your space, eventually you'll just have to be honest and tell her the truth. You can do that in a polite way but she will still be hurt.
2006-06-11 00:49:16 · answer #2 · answered by Adam 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Truth is that there is no nice way of saying that. You just have to start distancing yourself from her and when she calls say that you were in the middle of something and you can't talk now and that you'll call her back (don't call back), she'll eventually begin to think you are a terrible friend and she'll leave you alone.
2006-06-11 00:50:08 · answer #3 · answered by Dare You To Dream 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is a strange situation. she sounds like she is a very lonely person. she is probably not going to do this for a long time. be nice to her, be a friend for her and help her through what seems to be an uncomfortable patch in her life. it will all work out in the end. God Bless
2006-06-11 00:51:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
are u sure it is u she is coming to see? if u are, then tell her u are flattered by her attention, but that her dropping in without warning is unacceptable. ask her to call before she comes. then politely beg off. dont be available for activities and tell her u are uncomfortable with the gifts she gives u. if ignoring her and putting her off does not work, than u got to be blunt. try to save this for last, as she works with your husband and can make his life uncomfortable.
2006-06-11 00:52:24 · answer #5 · answered by browneyedtony 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She definitely sounds like she has some issues... Dont answer the door when she comes by and a little bit of an icy attitude may detour her... (fingers crossed for you xoxoxo)
2006-06-11 01:31:59 · answer #6 · answered by cutienoz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she is having an affair with your husband. I know this sounds crazy but I think so. I think she feels bad about it and wants to try to make it up to you.
There is also something secretly exciting about being friends with the wife. It makes it more risky.
2006-06-11 00:54:27 · answer #7 · answered by researchtissue 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a lot like petting a stray dog. Like the dog, your would-be friend will go away if you stop giving her attention.
2006-06-11 00:55:17 · answer #8 · answered by Jack430 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Come on, just phone that guy and tell him the truth. Make up your mind!
2006-06-11 00:49:03 · answer #9 · answered by changmw 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe in honesty being the best policy
2006-06-11 01:41:22 · answer #10 · answered by Only Me 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋