i am getting married in 4 months, but i am not sure if i want to marry my bf of 5 years, what's wrong with me

Question

Thanks guys for answering my question. I wish it was really just cold feet. I have been in a sort of depression for the past year and the wedding in 4 months isn't helping me at all. I wish there's a way for me to tell him without hurting him. He's been working abroad for the last 2 years. He informed me 5 months ago that he bought wedding rings, yep he made the decision on his own. I tried to talk to him to postpone it because i am also going abroad to work next year, it worked the first time, but he said he's having a hard time and he thinks we should get married when he comes home in october. The pressure of planning a wedding that i'm not sure i want is just frustrating. My bridesmaids are more excited than me when i told them. Also, the last time he came home i almost tried to dump him, our fights are just frustrating. Everyday i try to think over and over if this is what i really want. I don't know if its going to be a happy ever after. I am still thinking...

Answer 1

I am going to side with those who say to step back. Sometimes we forget in the midst of everything, that this is supposed to be a forever deal. I have been married 3 times, and if I had stepped back when I had these thoughts, and took some more time, I wouldn't have married the first two men.

Many people will tell you it is nerves, but "not sure" is "not sure" and is no way to begin a life and family with someone else. How the groom or families will feel if you take some more time, is not of your concern. Your future and happiness is. Making sure you go into this because you want it 100%, is your concern.

Marrying with uncertainty in your heart leads to resentment and regret. I would rather my daughter cancel her marriage at the altar with 100,000 dollars blown, then to have her unhappy and confused, and possibly adding children to the mix, who may, (more likely than not) end up in the middle of a divorce with 18 years of weekend visitations and her stuck with a man in her life she wished she'd never said I do too.

You take your time, because if he isn't willing to wait and respect your uncertainty, then there will be more than confusion in your life.

Take your time honey, life isn't too short, like everyone says...be happy...it takes more time to heal from these things than we like, but from experience, divorce is worse than death.

5 years or 15, it doesn't matter. You get married when you know your ready, and do not let others guilt you into marriage...ever.
Best of luck!

Answer 2

Of all my friends who have survived divorces, each and everyone of them knew before the wedding that there were issues and that they shouldn't walk down that aisle. If you're having issues now, back off. If you work through them and decide later that you're ready for holy matrimony, go for it. It's better to walk away from an "iffy" wedding than it is to file for an ugly divorce.

There's nothing wrong with you. When it's the right person and circumstances, there aren't any questions or second thoughts.

Answer 3

It may just be jitters. You shouldn't be concerned...almost everyone gets the same feeling! You are thinking too much about the bad stuff (being with the same person for the rest of your life...) and not thinking about what the furture may hold. Start thinking about where you will be in a few years and how happily married you will be! I'm sure the feeling will go away! Have faith in him...if he has made you happy so far I think he will for the rest of your life!
Take it easy and enjoy your big day!

Answer 4

You are facing the finality and reality of it. Back out now. Calling off a wedding is much better than going through a divorce. The same thing happened to my daughter. She broke into tears just before the ceremony. She should have told us that she didn't want to marry him but she went through with it. They were divorced within 2 years.

Answer 5

Never commit to someone your not sure of. It's better to do it now before all the expenses are paid. If u think it's wedding jitters ask your beau to maybe cancel for a few months. If he truly loves u he will wait, but don't play with his emotions he has feelings to.. who knows he might be feeling the same way??????????

Answer 6

there's nothing wrong with you. you're probably just having 'cold feet' and need some loving reassurance from your significant other, he might even be feeling he same way but not admitting it cause..well guys are hardheaded and dont like to show their emotions (specially when they dont understand them). so if i were you I'd hold off on the wedding until your absolutely sure it's what you want. just make sure to remind him that it's not him your rejecting, that you just dont feel comfortable at the time.

Answer 7

congratulation, on your upcoming wedding, it just nerves, getting
everything together it could be stress full, but you been together
for 5 years, so just take it slow,but if there problem about it
the best thing to do is talk to someone about how you are feeling
it could be nothing, or it could be something worth talking about
it the biggest decision that you will ever make,

Answer 8

If you are not sure now you may not be sure then, put it off for a while longer after all it has been five years what is a couple of months!Make sure!

Answer 9

Nothing is wrong with you. Don't be afraid to back off from this if you know in your tummy that this isn't the right thing to do.

Answer 10

Possibly the idea of settling with one guy for the rest of your life sounds horrible.