what are you supposed to do if you're 19 and your mom says you can date but your dad says you can't?

Question

when i tell my mom i should just get an arranged marriage like my dad wants , she flipps out on me. But my dad forbids me to date. I dont know what to do.....

Answer 1

WELL IN THE BIBLE IT SAYS TO OBEY YOUR PNTS.. BUT TO HAVE AN ARRANGED MARRIAGE I WOULDNT DO.. ESPECIALLY IF YOU DONT LOVE HIM ITS NOT TRUE LOVE AND YOU SHOULD BE IN LOVE WITH THE PERSON YOU ARE GOING TO MARRY...

Answer 2

Obey your Dad. "Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee." (Exo 20:12) I don't see any age limits there.

Give yourself several more years, and when you are a little wiser, you will understand the wisdom of your father.

Use this time to figure out what type of man you want for a husband. Make a list of requirements. Even consult your parents to help you with your list. Stick to it.

When your father gives permission, don't rush into anything. If a boy has an interest, watch him carefully for characteristics that you consider unacceptable. Visit his family and watch how he responds to his mother and sisters; he will treat you worse. If he has any bad habbits that you don't like, then stay away from him because they will be a constant irritation to you. Most importantly, if he does not have the same spiritual beliefs as you, then do not consider him as a possible mate; there will be war in the home, or you will compromise your beliefs.

I don't believe that Christians should "date", they should "court". This is a process of getting to know the other person in several situations, but it does not allow the opportunity to get into a physical relationship that you will regret later. It also gives you an accountability to someone else to make sure that you do not do anything wrong.

I wish that I had had this advise when I was younger. My wife at the age of 28 would not begin courting me without her parent's permission. She had never date, and says that she is happy in our marriage. (We affirm this to each other on a regular basis.)

My 15 yo daughter has made her list, and she knows that she will not be permitted to date. She is the one who brought the list to me and asked for my input.

I wish that I had obeyed when I was your age. It really messed up my life, but God is good and has put it back together again. (I obey my parents better now than I did then.)

Answer 3

In the US, people can vote for president at 19. That certainly means you are old enough to date at that age.

As for arranged marriage, you can probably see how that will turn out. In an arranged marriage, your dad would probably be the one to pick your husband and he will most likely choose someone who agrees with him on issues he considers important. Your dad now says you can't date at 19. If you don't want to marry someone who disregards your opinion and demands you obey his commands for the rest of your life, then you should not be in favor of an arranged marriage.

Marriage should be between two people who love and respect each other. It should not be between a master and his slave.

Answer 4

I would tell my dad that I'm 19 and should be able to make my own descions!But then your dad would probably say it's my house my rules. So I would start trying to raise up enough money and move out. Unless you want an arranged marriage of course.

Answer 5

You should do what your parents wish as long as you live under their roof. You owe them respect & gratitude.

If you do not like their plans & rules, you're 19. Move out! Go to college, get a fulltime job, join the Peace Corps, or whatever.

You need to decide what you want for yourself. You cant spend the rest of your life trying to please them, and at age 19 you need to start making your own decisions.

Answer 6

Assuming you live at home and your father is supporting you ---

You are under submission to your father who is the head of the household. If your mother and father disagree, you are to follow your father's wishes. The Bible says we are to honor our parents. The Bible also says that wives are to submit to their husbands. In this case, you father doesn't want you to date, therefore you don't date.

I have a suggestion: rather than get emotional and talk about an arranged marriage, why don't you show your maturity and wisdom by asking your father what his objections are and if there is something the two of you can compromise on. If you want your father to treat you like an adult, you need to act like one. Issues like this can cause estrangement between parents and children, so be very careful what issues you choose to make a stand on.

My 26 year old daughter wasn't allowed to date until she was 17 and a senior in high school. Even at that, she had to prove herself truthful and responsible. I had to meet and approve of the boys she dated. The rules will apply to my younger daughters.

My son wasn't allowed to date until he was 17 and a senior in high school. He too had to show himself truthful and responsible. I required him to meet the girl's parents and to call them Mr. and Mrs., not first names.

My adult children have healthy relationships now, so I guess it worked.

Answer 7

If it is within your capacity, I would advise you to take a chance at self sufficiency. But do not move out simply for the reason of wanting to date. You ahve got to be thankful that you are still inder your parents roof. I would go for a compromise. Have your dates at home.

Answer 8

Your question lacks enough information to really get a good answer. What reason/s does your father have for his objection to you dating? Maybe he's not impressed with the people you choose to hang out with? Have you ever lied to him? Can he trust you? As long as he's providing your support, and you're living in his home, you have to abide with his decisions, right or wrong.

Answer 9

Im going through the same thing what I do is talk to my dad little by little for a long period of time and get him to understand that dating isnt wrong That Im not a little girl anymore and that he cant protect me all his life

Answer 10

Applying biblical principals here.... your father is the head of household ... also says to honor your father and mother soooo I guess if you moved out on your own he wouldn't be the head of household but really I agree with the one who said parents know best. I don't think I'd want my daughter out on her own, especially in this world nowadays!

Answer 11

Maybe ur Mum and Dad should talk to each other. But I think it's up to u, its ur life. What do u wanna do? Maybe the 3 of u need to sit down together and talk.