a word of warning to everyone?

Question

RAISING BOYS:
a. For those with no children - this is totally hysterical! b. For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious. c. For those who have children this age, this is not funny. d. For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning. e. For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.
the Facts:
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house
4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 x 20 ft. room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a
4 year old boy.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

Answer 1

im not having kids, im not having kids, im not having kids.....

Answer 2

24. When a male three-year-old is chewing on something, and walks up to a 16-year-old female babysitter to hand her half an earthworm, she quits.

25. If a running five year old trips and hits the padded front of a sofa with his face, the force of impact will split his face open.

26. If a screaming five year old has a split open face, it takes 120 seconds to make a round pool of blood with a diameter of two and a half feet.

27. It takes a scared father 120 seconds to use half his left hand to call the ER to tell them to prepare for his son's arrival, start the car, grab three paper towels to stop the profuse bleeding of his five year old son's split open face, and carry him to the car.

28. If a four-year-old boy hears you say the word "pianist" he hears the word "penis" and he repeats it as often as he can.

29. When your son is learning to walk on roller blades, he always turns his feet inwards and walks on his ankles.

30. When your son is finally getting the hang of walking on the wheels of his roller blades, and you give him a hand to help steady him, he will always grab a thumb with one hand and a pinky finger with the other. Then, when he loses his balance, he lets go of the thumb and spins in a circle.

Answer 3

as a mother of a 3 year old boy, I am Completely amused. Sometimes his 6 year old sister looks at me and we just shake our heads in wonder at how he thinks up some of the things he does. Laughter I think is the key here- and I laugh a lot!

Answer 4

That is very valuable info, most likely gathered first hand. Congrats for living through it, and thanks for the warning never to get cieling fans, put the microwaves where kids can reach, and not buy a pool. Thanxs!

Answer 5

Sweet jokes!

Answer 6

Can't *hahaha* stop *hehehehe* laughing! *hahahahehehehahaha*

Answer 7

that was pretty great
tell me any source u got it from

Answer 8

i dont have kids..but i thought it was hilarious!! why arent there any abou girls though

Answer 9

Holy sh*t! That is HYSTERICAL! Oh my god! I'm on the floor!

Answer 10

thats very crazy is this ur son ur talking bout he is very busy!!! do he take medication?????