Any advise on how to go on after losing loved ones?

Question

I have lost 4 family members in the past 10 months. The last one was my 17 year old niece with leukemia. I thought I was coming to terms and moving on in a healthy way but now I'm starting to feel angry and hurt again. One of my goals is to move out of this place because it reminds me of sitting alone and being depressed.

Answer 1

I am SOO sorry to hear about your losses. I have gone through a lot too (within the past 4 yrs ive lost my mom, my sister, and along with my sister her unborn son died...and im 13). Try doing things to get your anger out. Do things like write. I know that this is going to sound stupid, but keep a journal. A journal would help you vent without hurting anyone around you. DO NOT keep things bottled up. That's what I have tendencies to do and all I end up doing is yelling and screaming at the family and friends I have left.
Start exercising. Do things you like to do, but that require you to move and stuff. Try kick-boxing, it allows you to hit and punch and kick and get out all of your built up hurt and anger. Do fun things like dance, it helps you move and such yet you get to listen to music (which helps just about everyone) and have fun. If you want to talk or need to vent or anything then IM me. I'm a good listener and maybe I could help you more if I knew what type of person you were and stuff. My sn is [e-mail]. I'll be on for a couple more hours. I really do hope that I helped.

Answer 2

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. That's really all you can do.

You probably already know, because it's been months since your niece died, that it gets a little easier all the time. With mutiple deaths, spread out over a year, I'd imagine that each one brings back the sharp, hot pain of all of them, a sort of cumulative grief.

As I said, you know it gets a little easier to bear, but I'm sure you also know that there are some real deep valleys in between the gentler times. What works best for me is to allow my grief to overwhelm me (for me this means crying for an afternoon, looking at my loved one's things, reading grief support groups online -- the fresh grief helps me feel the pain) and then getting back to something else. I actually joined a grief support group just to get their monthly flyer so I could read the sad stuff and schedule a "grief day."

Everyone is different, of course, but for me the trick has been to allow myself to feel my pain without dwelling on "shoulda, woulda, couldas" or "what-ifs."

Don't allow yourself to believe that you must stop grieving at some particular interval, there is just no "right" way to grieve. Try to allow yourself to have fun sometimes without feeling guilty that your loved ones aren't there to share it. Sometimes you can, and sometimes you can't. In time, the cans will outdo the can'ts.

If time doesn't seem to be helping at all (and I mean months, not days), if you find yourself unable to do the things you need to be doing, if you think suicidal thoughts, or for no reason other than you need it, find a disinterested person to talk to. Call a grief support group or talk to you doctor or religious advisor. A therapist can help or any number of other helper-type people. Ask enough and someone will get you to the right person.

Keep on hanging on tightly!

Answer 3

Losing someone that you care about is always difficult. It's natural to feel angry and sad. Death is not easy. It is so hard on the ones that are left behind. If you think that moving will help, it won't. Everything will follow you. It just takes time. Not time to get over the death but time to except it. Hold on to the good memories that you have of them. It will get easier I promise. I lost my husband and my mother within one year of each other. I thought that I couldn't go on. There were days I didn't function. I finally realized that everything is for a reason. God wanted them for a special purpose and now I have these very special angels who are on my side and will keep me safe. God Bless and have strength. One day you'll wake with a smile not a sad face.

Answer 4

I have not been in your shoes. But I have lost one of my best friends and I can say that for me It was a year of keeping myself busy with friends, work, family, and any other thing possible, before I noticed that I was finally smiling again! I didnt even know when my smile had returned. It just did.....
I think that it's different for each person. I think that people that delay mourning will be hit hard out of nowhere when it finally sinks in that they lost someone special.
I feel like I died when my special person passed away!! I died with that person, and I was reborn into this other person that I am today!
The best advise I can offer, is to mourn, cry get it out!! Then start to tell yourself that the sun will come out again after your rainstorm clears up!!
Dont give up on the possability on a happy life!!
I wont tell you that I am sorry, because I hated it when people said that to me, but I will hope your happieness come before too much longer! Everyone deserves to see the sunshine in their lives!

Answer 5

I know your pain. Six years ago I lost 4 very close family members all in separate incidents over an 11 month period. To read your question, brings back all my pain. You will never get over the pain, it just gets easier with time. Personally I had to rationalize their deaths, forgive god for taking them, and accept the fact that their gone. This doesn't mean forget them. I often visit the cemetery and talk with them. I find this very comforting and has helped me. May I make a suggestion, change your goal. Make your goal to celebrate life. Live as if for them - to make them proud.

Answer 6

We lost our daughter several years ago and that is the most undesirable feeling that one wants to accept and cope with. However I do believe that everything happens for a reason, though it seems like an eternity has gone by before we may have reached an understanding. I choose to believe that our daughter is in a most BEAUTIFUL place...a place of HAPPINESS, no sorrows, no pain, just a whole lot of LOVE, LAUGHTER AND JOY!!!!!

Answer 7

You have gone through A LOT in the past 10 months - I can't even comprehend what you must be going through. I would suggest going to see a counselor who can help you work through all the emotions you must be feeling. You need to work through everything and sort your feelings out and with what you've been through it might be very hard for you to do alone. My prayers are with you.

Answer 8

My best suggestion is try to let go, but slowly, because i have lost people close to me, and i really didn't want to let go. And every day it tortured me, but i still didn't let go of them. But life went on, i thought of them less and less. I still miss them, very much. As i look back over the years i realized that even if i didn't want to let them slip out of my memory, eventually i did. I recommend the same, But all in good time.

Answer 9

The normal is eat fish 3 times a week but for you it should be everyday. 4 eggs every week. fruits and vegetables and supplement multivitamin everyday to metabolize your protein. All of your relatives should also do this for a longer life-span.

Answer 10

when i lost my uncle due to gastric by pass surgery i wept and was angry then i joined a support group for people who have lost love ones and i see a therapist
its OK to grieve maybe you could try a support group