when is it ok for your teen/ preteen to swear infront of you?

Question

im a cool mom. i let my 12 year old listen to whatever music he likes( rap mostly) and watch rated r movies. no big deal! to be honest i swear alot. sometimes when he is singing a song or repeating a movie line he will use altrenative words that sound almost like or close to the word hes trying not to really say. he doent want to actully swear in front of me thinking he will get in trouble. and hes probably right! the problem is it almost gets on my nerves when i hear him say the word in a song the way he does... like that song by buckcherry " your crazy bit..ch" he will say " your crazy beezie" and it bugs me... i guess i wouldnt mind him actully saying the correct word just for the song.... is that not ok as a parent top not mind it for those purposes?

my son totally respect me, and would never call me names, hes a really good kid. does great in school...won first place at the science fair this year, takes band. nice kid too.

you people are all uptight( most ) lol... wow! you only have one life... enjoy it...its not that serious! i told you my kid is a good boy .

Answer 1

Nobody can tell you how to parent - it's your choice. I do strongly believe that we teach our children by way of example.

I think part of being a "cool parent" is teaching your child that such vulgar words suck as B--tch is a durogatory term used to describe a woman and therefore is a totally unacceptable word to use at any moment in time.

***There's nothing wrong with using explet(at)ives, when used for emphasis - As the Vicar said when he hit his thumb, while hanging a picture: 'Oh dear', doesn't quite make it.***

I also think your son has made a wise choice in using alternatives. Profanity is a poor use of vocabulary and the problem lies within yourself - really. Either you want him to swear or you don't. This doesn't mean you have to praise him on this one either... enjoy it while you can - cause one day he will probably use the actual lyrics as they were meant to be used.

So -if it REALLY bothers YOU - ask him to listen to his music in his room, plug in headphones or you can remove yourself and maybe tune into your own listening enjoyment.

Answer 2

OK, here's the deal. I have two kids, ages 9 and 15. I don't swear much and neither does their dad, but we don't have a no swearing rule. Sounds odd, doesn't it?

Well, we allow our children, within reason, to experience the consequeces of their actions, when it is safe. We explain to them that swearing is usually done by someone when he or she doesn't really know the right word to use. We also explain that if they choose to swear and its the wrong place or wrong time, they could offend people, hurt someone's feelings, get fired from a job, etc.

They both have a respectful understanding of cuss words, not using them for shock value and being careful not to use them at all, really.

When my youngest learns a new cuss word he usually tells me and asks me what it means. I make sure he understands what it means and how to spell it. And, I explain that it really wouldn't be a good idea to go around saying that. He's cool.

No rules here. Just respect.

Answer 3

Swearing is a sign of a small vocabulary and an inability to communicate correctly. For a parent to do it in front of a child,(no matter how young or old), sends the wrong message. Bad language is innapropriate in any setting. Those who do it in private disrespect themselves. Those who do it in public or in front of family members show disrespect for those who hear it. All those who use vulgar laguage have serious self- worth issues, sometimes attributed to verbal or physical abuse suffered by a parent or authority fugure while growing up, or as a means to gain acceptance by their peers. When a child grows up around a parent who uses bad language, and then is introduced to a parent who does not speak so, the child often becomes embarrassed by their parent in public. People who use foul language are uncertain and fearful of public opinion because of their lack of a solid vocabulary. People who do not swear are usually self confident and decisive, and can communicate well with others on many levels. The use of foul language also denotes a lack of true character and self respect. Remember, unacceptable is unacceptable at any age. Our children have enough unacceptable teaching outside the home, they need all the right teaching they can get at home. You want to be a hero to your child, be their parent, not their best friend, teach by example by embracing that which is right, not what is popular or socially acceptable. If we don't stand for something, our children will fall for anything.

Answer 4

The use of foul language is on the rise in society today, and unfortunately, is becoming more accepted. There is a time and place for more "passionate" words to be used, but not by children. I feel like a child that swears provides a poor commentary on how they were raised.

Answer 5

Hey, if he's 12 he's gonna start saying it soon enough anyhow, plus you are surrounding him with all that he was bound to pick it up. There are way worse things he could be doing than swearing, and if he's not than I think you're doin a good job, so don't beat yourself up. Just let him know there's a time and place for it, so don't go get suspended from school for it.

Answer 6

I don't think it is ever okay. My mom is a cool mom to and I am now 19 and have a child of my own and my own life, but I still to this day to not fill comfortable swearing around my mother. Sometimes I will slip but that's all. I think it is disrespectful and as soon as you let them do that before you know that's all they will be doing is swearing. good luck

Answer 7

I dont think it really matters...as long as he doesn tuse it in a derogartory way, then whatever. I dont want my kid swearing at school though or out and about with me, but if he says ****, no biggie, but the f word a c word will not be tolerated as well as *****.
Kids are gonna swear cuz they think its cool, I know kids who swore at 6...like I did, but never in front of my mom!

Answer 8

umm this might sound really dum but manners really do open doors 4 u . That's what my mom taught and i find it really works when u want something hehe.i don't think it's abig deal for him to swear but some people get the wrong impression from people who swear most of the time the're totally wrong but that's the way it works.i will always be grateful that my mom taught me that

Answer 9

I think you are looking at this the wrong way. Your son is using other, 'not so bad' words because he respects you. Wow, a teenager that respects his mom! Sounds like a good kid =)

Answer 10

No it is never good to let your child swear. If you let him watch r movies. next he might ask to smoke cig or do drugs, or have his girlfriend to sleep over you let them do one thing then they think they can do anything. cuz you want to be the cool mom. and not the mom he needs. so i think you need to grow up and take on responsible and be the adult and parent you should be and not a best friend.