the beauty of the English language?

Question

these are the real deal originating from actual high school essays. a dark and stormy night......


1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides
gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy
who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those
boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high
schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those
boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of Ecoli and he was
room-temperature Canadian Ham.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes
just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because
of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a
formerly surcharge-free ATM.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled
with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie,
surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy
comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry
them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the
grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left
Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19
p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that
resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

Answer 1

From #1 to #15, I'm laughing so hard I'm crying. I was (and still am) laughing so hard I have to pause in between to wipe my eyes!

Thank you and your students so much!

Answer 2

12 is funny

Answer 3

That it pretty funny. My favorite one was #5.

Answer 4

Bad metaphores rock, dude (are those metaphores?)
I'm still in stitches over #9

Idea: keep me laughing; send more

Answer 5

Hope these weren't from the graduating class, they've got a-way with words, for sure.....

Answer 6

lol 9 is pretty funny dude

Answer 7

lol... looks like some kind of metaphor homeword

Answer 8

You have a gift in jokes!