docs have told me i can't have kids. i feel like i should just give up on the whole dating scene...?

Question

women want kids. normally couples try for a child then discover one of them can't do the deed, but here i know from the offset i will never be a dad. how do i tell that to a prospective gf? 'hey this is our fourth date, guess what we won't be having kids!'
just feel so down about it. whole point of life is to procreate, pass on knowledge, and now i'll have none of that. sigh. life's a bit ch.

its not a docs could be wrong thing. had an op to prevent cancer. no sperm, so no kids.

Answer 1

So does that mean people who dont have kids should just die?
Why shouldnt you be in a happy and loving relatioship?
I cant have kids, its hard to accept and something I have to deal with it. You will find someone who loves you and not having kids isnt the end of the world. And I mean that in the nicest way possible. Im devastated I cant have kids but what can I do? Either dwell on it for the rest of my life or get on with it and make life as good as possible.

Also in my opinion you have it easier. Me and my partner have been together 6 years and talked about having kids only to be told I couldnt. This way you both know from the start you cant. If its meant to work out between the 2 of you it will work. Dont tell her like its a bomb. Just tell her about the op you had and how it means you cant have kids. If she really likes you it wont stop her being with you. A close friend got married last week and she wanted kids but her husband cant have them but he is more important that a child that doesnt yet exist.

Answer 2

You can never say never. Because there is such a thing as a freak of nature and your body may somehow reintroduce the production fo sperm someday?

Long and short is don;t give up on dating. There are a lot of women who dont want children but at the same time there are also women who cannot concieve. THe most important thing is letting your partner kno that you can't have kids from the go. I kno adoption is not the same as having your own child but it;s an option.
Always expect the worst but think possitive. There are loads of children who don;t have parents and if you and your future wife just can;t have children adoption or medically assisted pregnancies are they way to think. A lot of people feel strange about having other people's sperm and egg used, try asking a family member, this way no matter what, still your flesh and blood.

Don;t be down about it, when you find the right person you will kno and then you can plan together....GOOD LUCK (*hugs*)

Answer 3

Honesty is the best way to go.... and there is always the adoption... Also, if this gf does not accept that, then you could always find a girl which already has kids and does not want to extend her family; you will find many of those and it would be up to you whether you want to deal with her package or not... To procreate is not the "meaning" of life... The "meaning" of life is to enjoy it and enjoy what you HAVE, not what you WISH you had... work with what you have, replace what you cannot give (kids), with what you can give; love, honesty, tenderness, a good friend, a good man, a good husband, a good father figure.... You have so much that you are able to offer and you are simply choosing not to use it.. WHY? If you would just stop and see that you can take that emptiness and fill it up with other things in your life, you will be OK.... Of course, some women, may say that you are not the man for them, but that is there choice, and that simply means for you that you have not found "Miss Right"... Therefore, you keep looking and searching and she will come around the same way that you will come around for her.... Never give up on love, if you already know that it is a fact that you are not able to have kids., then accept and stop dwelling on it, because no matter what, you cannot change it.... So learn how to live with what God gives you..... God Bless and Good Luck..

Answer 4

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Answer 5

I don't think that you should give up dating, that's like giving up on life. Just because you wont get a biological child, don't necessarily mean that you can't be a dad. When you start dating again and it get to the point where you are comfortable talking to her, approach the subject. Let her know that there is something that you need to discuss with her. She might just surprise you and accept it and then you can always adopt. There are a lot of children out there who needs parents. If you stop dating, you'll never know if a girl will accept you the way you are, or not. I agree that life's a *****, but don't sweat it my friend, it's not the end of the world. Life goes on.

Answer 6

Just because you can't have your own biological kids doesn't mean that you can't have kids. Have you ever considered adoption? Or maybe you'll find a woman that already has kids. You can be a good dad even if the kids aren't yours.
On the far side, you could meet a girl that may want to be artificially inseminated from a sperm bank if you want a newborn baby. Just don't give up just yet. There are solutions out there.

Answer 7

Well, the fourth date may be a little soon....

HEY! What makes you think there are a lot of closed doors? What makes you think you won't be able to share love with someone, be it a life partner or an adopted child or from a sperm donor? There are lots of possibilities open to you!

This is not the ideal thing to bring up when first meeting someone, but if you close yourself off from the start, you could be missing out on some very good things.

Answer 8

It sounds like you're making the assumption that all women want kids. There are plenty of women out there who don't want children and would be relieved for it not to be an 'issue'. Don't give up on having a relationship because of this.

Life has it's way of compensating you for the things you can't have. Concentrate on the things you CAN have and you'll find life ain't so bad. It could have been worse. You found the cancer before it was too late.

You don't have to have your own kids to pass on your knowledge. If you need children to be a part of your life - volunteer for cash strapped youth groups who are always keen for helpers.

Answer 9

There are plenty of women out there that do not want kids. There are all sorts of ways you can adopt. You might fall in love with a woman who has children already. You might even learn more about ways to increase your fertility - doctors don't know everything, after all.

Please don't feel like you must be alone for the rest of your life - it is simply not true. And there are many ways that you can still experience fatherhood. Who knows - you might be the answer to some child's prayers simply because you have no children of your own. Anything could happen.

Answer 10

Well, first of all, life is a fantastic journey, not a bit ch. ok? Second of all, there are tons of kids that need homes, that have been abandoned or abused. Most kids dont have homes or good families. They are passed between houses in Foster Care. It is a hard life for them. And you could make it better. Adopt 10 of them! :-) If the woman really loves you, she will only care about being with you. If I couldn't have children, I would probably adopt. I wouldn't mind. Have a good day. Don't get to depressed. :)