Can someone help me with my son?

Question

My son is 8 years old, and is going through a time of rebellion I guess, where he wont listen to me. When he goes to his friends house, he wont come home until far after his bedtime, and when I go to get him he sits down and won't move. I ground him and he does what he wants anyway. The last time I spanked him he called the police on me and they said that if I hit him again they will take him away from me, but I don't want that. Does anyone have any advice?

His father takes him one weekend out of every month, and acts the same way with his father as with me, we've never spoiled him, but he's never really "wanted" for anything either. This is all new also, he wasnt like this, say, two months ago.

Answer 1

Only 8. You do have hope.
As odd as it may seem spanking and grounding won't do much, but perhaps cause more anger in him.
He needs you to talk to. You need to listen to him, let him talk to you and don't make any judgements out loud.
The best type of parenting style I can think of for you is to be involved with his life more. Act as if everything he does is interesting, (even if you aren't happy about what he does don't let it show), and as if you have to just know why he does the things he does and likes the things he does. Ask him how he feels and what he wants you to do. This may take a while for him to open up to you, but you must be consistant with this. Also you have to disapline him but not harshly, let him know that you are in control here and you are not going to let stuff slide. Let him know what to expect if he acts up again. Also let him know what he can get out of this situation if he straightings up. Always be ready to do some positive reinforcement, it works like a charm, and sooner or later he will realize things can be easy.
Perhaps he needs male attention. Maybe all he has is his friend. Ask him if he bring his freind over to your place and play cards with them or a board game, and order pizza, or even make the frozen kind, this will alow the chance for you to communicate to both of them. Find out what your son is interested in and find ways to help him meet his needs.

Answer 2

You have gotten some excellent advice so far. I particularly like "somkeingguns" answer. Hard labor is what he needs. Also, many people said to keep him from going to his friends. This is a great idea, but if he SNEAKS over there, you need to have a talk with the parents of the friend and explain to them that they are not allow their child to play with him until the situation is under control. If they tell him NO you can't come in, he might listen to them. Also, two can play at calling the cops game. If he does sneak out...call the police on him. Report him as a run away. Also, one thing I haven't seen mentioned, maybe you should take him to a neurological disorder specialist. It sounds like he might have a neuro problem. Obsessive-compulsive, bi-polar, ASD? Good luck. I have a child close to the same age and I would be mortified if he started that type of behavior. I also have one with a neurological disorder...and it hasn't always been a bed of roses with him. Diet and behavior modification was our blessing.

Answer 3

If he's old enough to call the cops on you, he's old enough to bail hay. Got any friends who have farms? I'd highly recommend shipping him away for a summer for some hard labor so he appreciates everything you do for him.

Oh, instead of spanking him, take stuff away. The police can't harass you for "stealing" his Xbox or whatever else. Minors technically can't own property... isn't it a beautiful thing? Something like a spanking isn't really a tangible punishment, at least not until his a$$ is so raw he can't walk... the pain lasts 10 minutes, tops. Does he have a bicycle? Not for long. Remember, your only obligation is to feed, clothe and educate him... don't let him forget that he has to earn everything else.

Also, never show weakness. Never let him see you cry, and don't lose your temper. It empowers him. When he breaks the rules, be calm and collected. Tell him his punishment, tell him why and send him to his room. Oh, speaking about his room... remember that he has no right to privacy! Walk in there often to check on him.

Answer 4

If he was well behaved two months ago, and this came on suddenly, something is wrong. Has he had a recent change or upheaval in his life that you know about? If there are none that you know about, can you ask his friends' parents and/or his teachers if they have noticed anything or if he's said anything indicating something bothering him.

Many people have pointed at your parenting skills in general, which is unlikely, since this is not a life long problem with him. He is trying to tell you something, that he needs something. Your job is to find out what.

Counseling is a great idea, especially if you can find an art or sand tray therapist that works with children.

I think the suggestion to quit letting him go to his friends' houses is spot on. Instead, though, spend the time with him playing games or doing projects together. Listen to what he has to say, and respond non-judgementally. Make sure to praise him every time he behaves well, and does what he is supposed to.

Good luck!

Answer 5

first off the police were out of order - YOU are his parent and are responsible for bringing him up not them (and remove your sons mobile phone so he cant make those kinds of phone calls)

but if your 'cherub' doesn't want to abide by that then you can let the police put him into 'protective custody' to teach him a lesson

don't let him go to his friends - persevere with narrowing his horizons - and grounding too.

are his friends with the same attitude too? if so then perhaps moving to a new neighbourhood so that he will have to start over from scratch again with less unhelpful influences.

although this may be a 'phase' it is worth getting on top of NOW as it will be far harder to do when he is older. Get his father on board too and present a united front even if you live apart - and any other adults in his life too - including teachers and other parents of his friends (and if the other parents don't support you then don't let him have access to his playmates)

Answer 6

Man, this is a tough one. If you don't take a stand now, you might as well run up the flag of surrender. As hard as it is, you are the parent, you are the adult. It is not your job to be your son's friend. I'm sure he has lots of those. It's your job to be his mom. Unfortunately, this often requires pissing him off. Guess what. He'll get over it. He goes to his friend's house and won't come home? HELLO!!!!!!!!! He doesn't go anywhere any time soon. Make sure his friends are aware of this policy. He wants to call the cops on you? Next time he's not home when he's supposed to be home, call the cops and report him as a runaway. The whole deal is, YOU ARE THE PARENT. You run the show. He is not old enough to make his own decisions - that's your job. Do it. God bless you and good luck.

Answer 7

You need to have a heart to heart talk with him. He is old enough to know who is the boss is and what the rules are. I would sit him down and talk to him about it. And when you ground him he needs to know that you mean business. Don't back down just because he cries for something. And grounding should mean no going to his friends house. If I was to send my daughter to her room to ground her, she would be fine due to the fact the her room has everything a child could want and more. So I take things out. I have had to take everything out but her bed. (her Disney blankets too.) I gave her a blanket and a pillow with nothing on it. She finally got the point about a week later (after sitting in her room with nothing to do.) So when she started following the rules I would give her one toy back until she had everything back. If she didn't follow the rules for that day I would take whatever I gave her back that day. So Good Luck. And remember you are the parent.

PS If that doesn't work then tell him that you are going to call the police on him and they will take him to a jail for children. Hee Hee

Answer 8

MMMMMMM dont be offended but your son is only 8 dont let him treat you this way, and yes i am a mother. Dont let him out in the first place if this is the way he is going to behave when its time to come home. He thinks you are a push over prove him wrong by being firm and meaning and following through with what you say. Also try having a look at his diet, food plays a big part in childrens behaviour, there should be some good useful sites online. Be strong and dont be too hard on yourself.

Answer 9

Maybe you and your ex-husband need to work out a strategy you can both stick to so that your son has consistency in each house. You said that this is a relatively new behaviour pattern, pershaps something has happened to make your son act out. Sit down with him in a quiet moment and explain how you are feeling and what your fears are if he continues this behaviour. See if he will open up to you and say what is bothering him. *Hugs to you*. Parenting can be such an ordeal at times but things do get easier as they get older. Just hold your ground and show him you mean business.

Answer 10

find out who he is hanging around with .or what he is watching on tv.at 8 years old you got alot of other kids that will act up or show off and he wants to be in that crowd
he probably seen one of his friends doing it to there mom.my best advice is to stop him from doing any more of it by either contacting a youth group orginization out where you live.if not the the counselor at the school and ask them to have a talk with them.when all fails ask if there is a scared straight program in your area..it may sound extreme but you got to have some ammo to counter act with your son.drop all the side boyfriends and give him some time .take him to the zoo or go get an ice cream.walking.so you have some time to ask and answer questions.d.c.