I will give 10 points to the first one who makes me laugh out loud!?

Answer 1

This never fails to get a reaction that tickles the innards.

Answer 2

A blind man enters a lesbian bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender in a loud voice, "Hey bartender, you wanna hear a dumb blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls deathly quiet.

In a deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell That joke, sir, I think it is just fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things...

One: The bartender is a blonde woman.

Two: The bouncer is a blonde woman.

Three: The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional boxer.

Four: The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.

Five: I'm a 6' 4", 200 pound blonde with a Ph.D., a black belt in karate, and a very bad attitude. Now, think about it seriously, mister. Do You still want to tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for only a second , shakes his head and says,

"Nah. Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Answer 3

Cat Humor

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met the animal at the
Pearly Gates and said, "You have been a good cat all of
these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking."

The cat thought for a moment and then said, "All my life
I lived on a farm and slept on hard, wooden floors... I
would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on."

God said, "Say no more." Instantly, the cat had a HUGE
fluffy pillow.

A few days later, 12 mice were simultaneously killed in
an accident and they all went up to Heaven together. God
met the mice at the Gates of Heaven, with the exact same
offer that He made to the cat.

The mice said, "Well, we have had to run all of our lives...
from cats, dogs, and even from people with brooms. If we
could just have some little roller-skates, we would never
have to run again."

God answered, "It is done." All the mice had beautiful
little roller-skates.

About a week later, God decided to check on the cat... He
found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently
awakened the cat and asked, "Is everything okay? How have
you been doing? Are you happy?"

The cat replied, "Oh, everything is just WONDERFUL... I've
never been so happy in my life! My pillow is always fluffy
and those little "Meals-on-Wheels" that You have been sending
over are delicious. "

Answer 4

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.
The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'

Answer 5

Man Who Loved Baked Beans


Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion
for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an
embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met
a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would
marry, he thought to himself, she'll never go through with the
marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme
sacrifice and gave up beans.

Shortly after that they were married. A few months later, on his
birthday and on the way home from work, his car broke down.
Since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her
that he would be late because he had to walk home. On his way
home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked
beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk
he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home.
It was, after all, his birthday. So he went in and ordered, and
before leaving had 3 extra large helpings of baked beans.

All the way home he putt-putted. By the time he arrived home he
felt reasonably safe. His wife met him at the door and seemed
somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most
wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a
blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the
table and made him promise not to peak. At this point he was
beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as his wife was
about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again
made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she
went to answer the phone. While she was gone, he seized the
opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was
not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time
breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about
him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came
on. He raised his leg and RRIIPPP !!! It sounded like a diesel
engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he
tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would
dissipate. He got another urge. This was a real blue ribbon
winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a
minute later the flowers on the table were dead.

With his blindfold still on, when he heard the phone farewells
he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top
of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when
his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if
he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not
peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!!!"

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated
around the table for his surprise birthday party.

Answer 6

Ummmm..... A queen was singin at a royal party and she ate some black pepers and when she stopped she started to fart! It make every one run out doors and jump out windows but some were lost in the fog!!!! We lost a lot of good troops out there!!! Lol

Answer 7

Puddin'

Answer 8

True story.... When she took her pants off.... ( I told her to put the lid back on the trash-can)*this really happened

Answer 9

someone asks a bride who just came back from her honeymoon.."u finally got married, so what do u wish 4 now??"
the bride replies.."i wish i can wear my pantie only for one hour!!!!!!!!"

Answer 10

Yo mama so ugly she make onions cry. or Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it! hehe