My boyfriend just recently quit drinking. So far, he's been substituting the beer can for soda cans and lots of water and chocolate. We're going back to see his family in a few days and all his friends there are used to him drinking all the time. And of course they'll want him to drink too! Should I call his friends ahead of time? Or just leave it up to him to tell them that he quit drinking?
Things were going horribly wrong in our relationship, lies, gambling, he headbutted me, and cheated on me. All because of his alcoholism. I know he's truly sorry otherwise he wouldn't of quit drinking.
If he goes back to drinking, I'm leaving for good. I need his friends and family to support him. His parents already know.
But should I call his friends ahead of time to tell them he quit or let him tell them?
Sorry about rambling on. It's been a long week for me and I'm still venting out.
2006-06-10 08:42:29 · 14 answers · asked by Caffiene Junkie 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
The only thing that you can do to help him is to be supportive; any plan based on "protecting" an alcoholic from alchol is doomed to failure. There is, however, a program that can help you and thereby help him. You can find more information at http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/english.html
If he is not already going to AA strongly encourage him to do so.
2006-06-10 08:49:04 · answer #1 · answered by godsladydi 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't "fix" somebody else. You can waste a lot of years trying , but they're going to do what they're going to do. Don't call ahead. It won't change anything.If he's going to drink, he will drink whether you call ahead or not .If he has truly quit drinking -you'll know after that visit .Sometimes alcoholics are "sorry" a hundred times. The question is: "Are you going to fall for it a hundred times?"
2006-06-10 09:25:14 · answer #2 · answered by missmayzie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should call up his family ahead of time just to make sure they don't get him drinking. Alcoholics don't have much control so chances are they'll drink if someone asks them too. My mom is an alcoholic but she stopped ever since she started taking anti depressants. Most alcoholics do drink because they are depresed. So just to be on the clear side you might want to consider putting your husband on that? Unless you're sure he isn't depressed.
2006-06-10 08:47:09 · answer #3 · answered by MOTHERRR SOUP 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him about it. You would be wise to seek counseling. Most spouses do not even realize how much they assist or enable the alcoholic to remain active drinkers. By covering up, fixing, paying bills for him, and calling his friends to have them not drink around him you give him the message that he is not responsible for himself. Since he has gotten physical with you, you can count on him doing it again, only worse next time. If he takes a drink, take a hike.
2006-06-10 08:53:21 · answer #4 · answered by zoote3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its his responsibility to take care of this and not yours, if he loves you and cares about, then he will learn that he has to deal with some of these things on his own. He has to tell his friends that he no longer drinks by himself. If he doesn't he will give into the pressure and go right back to the habitat, and if you call his friends they will make jokes out of it, and he will take it out on you later. So, just let him do his thing, if he cant help himself, maybe its time to reconsider the relationship, and where you stand.
2006-06-10 09:15:19 · answer #5 · answered by immortal_dreamzz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him tell his friends. Even though it affected you, it is still HIS problem, and he has to be the one to deal with it. You can't protect him from alcohol forever, it is going to happen. Ultimately, it is his decision to make. If he is serious about quiting, he needs to be strong enough to say no on his own. You can't say it for him. Good luck, I know it's tough.
2006-06-10 08:46:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps you should suggest that HE contact his friends, letting them know that he has quit drinking, and would appreciate their support.
Bottom line, though, this is HIS issue to deal with, and though it clearly does affect you, he is the one that will be making the decisions.
2006-06-10 08:46:40 · answer #7 · answered by weirina85 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is responsibility to let his friends know. maybe he has lucked out and his family has mentioned this to his friends.he should be going to AAA meetings in the town you live in. he should also attend meetings in the town where you two will be visiting. if his friends are really friends they will not push him into drinking.if things don't work out and he falls back to drinking,stick to what you said and leave him.
2006-06-10 08:56:33 · answer #8 · answered by chapes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave the cheating drunk and find someone with LESS baggage dear.
He WILL find another excuse the next time he cheats and the next time he might just give you a deadly disease...THINK about your LIFE
2006-06-10 08:48:27 · answer #9 · answered by chastityelizabeth 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im sorry u cant help an alcoholic its a illness that they'll say i can quit whenever i want but u need to get medical help n he needs to admit it
2006-06-10 08:47:48 · answer #10 · answered by lid0_bby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋