He is no longer well behaved as he was before , and he just does'nt seem to listen when told once . Also behave like he never gets anything though he is been given more than any 4 yr old gets , be it toys , sweets , clothes , he even handles my laptop . When one starts saying something to him he starts crying , and creats a scene .
2006-06-10 07:57:16 · 13 answers · asked by ann 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
Thank you so much to all of you to help , as I read I just thought he has been doing this after we had a baby , and his dad moved to another town for a better job .His dad calls him up and speaks most of the time and comes down every holiday to be with us .
2006-06-11 18:15:26 · update #1
Hang in there and your 4 year old will adjust to the change. Keep making it positive and loving. Include him helping w/the baby and show him how to play w/the baby. Help him make a scrap book for his dad of all the 'big' boy things he is doing while his dad is away. Allow him to call his dad while you recite the numbers to him as he dials. He is trying to let you know don't forget about him in the transition of the move of his dad and the new baby.
2006-06-23 04:09:25 · answer #1 · answered by camlankolche 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Totally remove him from the scene and don't give him more than one chance to comply before you start with consuquences.
It happens sometimes they test I have three boys and can tell you even if you discepline them like a Nazi they will at some point test you. He probably has found that crying gets him what he wants
Do not give in!!! no matter what, Or your life with him will be Hell for a long time. I see it all the time.
If he makes a scene take him where it won't bother anyone else,
Don't yell or get angry (I know it's hard) just remove him.
If he's in his room take him somewhere else, the kitchen and make him stand somewhere uncomfortable with absolutly no interaction with people, If your in a store take him to the car and buckle him in shut the door and waite outside for a given time.
and always ask him why he was punnished, at first he'll play stupid and not answer but make him and it will instill accountability in him early and he will realise it was his actions that got him in the situation. I adopted my six year old when he was three and he had the same issues it seems, it took about a month or two but now he is a very good boy,
Also It helps if you let them make some descissions on their own and let them deal with the consuquences of their descissions. It will do you and him no good to wait untill he is away from the house or with others to start making descissions on his own.
that only leads to trouble.
Also one of the things I see many parents do, espescially mothers, is when the child comes out and says "I'm sorry" they think that the child has learned his lesson and the punishment is over, ,,,Well he didn't learn his lesson, all he learned was what he could do to end his punishment sooner rather than later which gives him the control of the situation and he learns early how to manipulate people.
2006-06-10 15:14:41 · answer #2 · answered by Rox 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree that he may be stressed. It could be from family change or it could be that he feels he doesn't not have a safety net with you. You are not setting limits. He seems to get what he wants, when he wants it, whether you like it or not.
Start using natural and logical consequences when he misbehaves. For example, if he draws on the wall, he cleans it. If he doesn't eat, he gets hungry. If he damages a toy, it goes in the trash.
Notice him when he is behaving. Use intrinsic rather than extrinsic (stickers, candy, "Good job!") motivators. Say things like "Look how high you climbed! You did that by yourself! Look how many colors you used on that picture!" These are all great confidence builders.
Empathize with him. "I can tell you really want that. It is upsetting that you can't have it. I can see that you are really (angry, mad, disappointed, frustrated, unhappy...)."
When he starts to "create a scene" and cry, take him to an area away from you and say "When you are ready to (calm down, listen...) then you can come back with me. This is not a time out because you are not setting a time limit (you controlling him). He comes back when he is ready to control himself.
Set limits and follow through. Let "No" mean "No" the FIRST time you say it. Do not offer chances. Offer choices ("Should we have pasta or chicken for dinner"). Stick to your guns! Be consistent! Good luck!
2006-06-10 15:52:35 · answer #3 · answered by marnonyahoo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has anything stressful being going on at home? That can explain a lot. Kids can act out due to something stressful like a move, divorce, death, etc. BUT, my 3 1/2 yr. old son had a similar period of naughtiness recently. My doc said that ages 3 & 4 can be worse than the terrible 2's. 3 & 4 yr olds are exerting their independence and realize they can make their own choices. This may be the root of the problem. He feels like he should be in control, not you. It will pass soon. Try redirecting his attention and start setting limits. I know how hard it is!
2006-06-10 15:17:33 · answer #4 · answered by hipmamacp 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hes doing this to see how far he can push you, have you tried the naughty step, first give a warning i.e if you do that again you will go on the naughty step, then if he does it again put him on the step for 4 minutes ( 1 miniute for every year of his life). If he gets off put him back on for another 4 minutes, if he sits there for 4 minutes then come down to his level and tell him what he did was naughty and to say sorry , when hes done this ask for a big hug and a kiss, it takes time but it does work, you need to show him who is the boss.
2006-06-10 15:05:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is about the age when they really start learning how much they can get by with. I think you really need to look at what you typed. Toys, Sweets, etc. This says alot.
You have got to get control now or you will lose control forever. He needs discipline. I know! That's not what you want to hear. I know that is easy for me to say.
If he is acting like this now and you don't get control, how do you think he will be acting 10 yrs. from now. It only gets worse. You have got to let him know who is boss. Take away the things that he loves the most and when his behavior improves, slowly give him back those things so he will learn what reward for being good is.
The best of luck to you.
2006-06-10 15:10:36 · answer #6 · answered by Cyndee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try therapy; sounds like your son has seperation issues, and may also feel displaced now that you have a new baby. None of this is uncommon, but you may need some professional help to do with the current issues!
2006-06-17 23:24:37 · answer #7 · answered by grandm 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds normal to me, i think most 4 year olds go through this. I think that you should be very consistant and make sure he knows whos boss and in time he'll grow out of it....lol and on to the next phase
2006-06-11 17:50:20 · answer #8 · answered by superfreak4420 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
put your foot down with this kid, because life is hard but it's fair.the same rules apply to us all.some of the things that you give him should be earned and not given just because he's your baby we all want our kids to get what they want but they have to learn the value of it. when he shames you in public or even in private give him the same treatment, he wont like it very much
and he'll start to think before he does it again. how you choose to shame him is up to you, but form my experience it was a smack on the bottom.but not to say thats for you. good luck
2006-06-10 15:40:08 · answer #9 · answered by kizzy f 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like he is horrendously normal - does he behave for others? Is he nice to other kids? He is probably just testing you b/c you love him no matter what, and that is a wonderful thing. I would give him some time to grow out of it.
2006-06-10 18:30:20 · answer #10 · answered by leo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋