I want to tell my dead mother that I love her?

Question

She died last September and I didn't get a chance to be at her side. I've scattered her ashes at a beautiful and secluded spot in a river so that she could flow through her favourite county to the sea. I sometimes visit the spot but cannot seem to find the right thing to say or do. I'd appreciate some suggestions

I'm really grateful to everyone who's taking the time to respond to this question, I appreciate all your thoughts and comments. I did tell her, often, before she died that I loved her. I guess this is what I'm missing.

Answer 1

I was 20 when my mother died. I wasn't at her side at the time, but this doesn't bother me much, because the last thing I did say to her was that I loved her. And, too, I've come to realize that we all really are on our own when we pass away---that's one journey we all must make alone. It's some consolation to me to realize that, and I hope it consoles you, too.

That said, I've often wanted to tell her again how much I love her. I do talk to her and tell her so. But I think the best way to tell her is to live my life as productively and respectably and happily as possible. I pursued an education, which I know she wanted. I practice as a physician, and I believe she is proud of me for that. I've married a wonderful man, and had beautiful kids. I think she approves. And I believe that by fulfilling her wishes for me (a full, happy, productive life), I'm telling her again and again how much I love her and appreciate all she did for me.

I hope you can gradually feel better about this. I know it took me a long time. And sometimes it still hurts twentyone years later.

Answer 2

She knows you love her. She always did.

My Mom died 15 years ago and I was forced by my Father to 'do the paper work in the nurses office' she died while I was there, even today I sometimes think or say out loud "Why couldn't I have been holding her hand"

But deep down I know she knew I was there and that I loved her. I had been to see her before going into the office.

I think if my Mom wasn't at peace that she would 'visit' me, maybe just a fragrance of her or something, but she never has so I assume she is happy to be where she is.

Long winded answer I know but when I get questions like this I just need to mention my Mom.

But what you need to know is that your Mom knows you love her.

But you could just have a nice peaceful moment alone and 'talk' to your Mom and she will listen, she may not answer but she might gently touch you or leave her fragrance or even move something in your home. But she will have heard you.

Answer 3

A friend of mine had spread the ashes of her parents in a pond that they visited frequently. My friend was in the same situation as you are in. Just last month the family put a bench there with a plack on it saying that it was in remembrance of my friend's parents. It's a marked place you go and visit the same way that someone would go to a cemetery. I believe that it could be possible that for whatever reason she died with out you there beside her because she didn't want you seeing her like that. She knows that you love her, all mom's know.

Answer 4

You should have thought about that before she died. She can't hear you now. That's why it's so vitally important that while we are alive, that we tell each other how we feel. It sounds like you're feeling guilty now, so the followup to tell her you love her is for you - not her. Rather than focusing on her - focus on yourself and figure out exactly what the closure is that you're looking for.

I know that people will be upset bout this answer, but sometimes the touchy feely answers really just don't apply.

Answer 5

I think a really beautiful thing to do would be to show your love for your mother by doing some good deed in her memory and to say to yourself this good deed is in honor of my wonderful, dear mother.

For example, after my father died, I decided to give money to all beggars and charities for the period of mourning (1 year). Why did I do this? Because my father loved to help the underdog and to give money to charity. So I was showing my love for him by continuing his good work.

Action sometimes helps more than words and I think this action was very helpful to me and could help you.

Also, you can say a prayer for your mother. Prayer is wonderful and comforting because it is words and action together.

It seems to me that you feel bad that you weren't with your mother when she passed away. This situation happens to many people, but since you and your mother loved each other while she was alive, try to remember and focus on that rather than the fact that you couldn't be there when she died.

I hope eventually you will be able to cope with your mother's death in a positive way and live your life the best way possible, as I'm sure your mother would want you to be happy.

Answer 6

By being there ,you are telling your Mother how much you love her . She is, i know, aware of your loving presence and concern for her.

Go to this special place often , and remember the good times you had together
. your words will come ,if you really want to talk to her .

Just by being there ,you are not alone,
your mother is with you also and always will be .

when you feel sad, remember the happy times, you had with Mum ,

My Dads warm smile is something nobody and nothing can take away . He is with me in my heart .

I hope you will experience the same peace, I feel now ,after my Dear Dad died. .

Answer 7

What things did she enjoy, or did the two of you enjoy doing together? Spend a day focusing on her & your memories of her & do some of those things she enjoyed. Then do something in honor of her. For example, my brother died 2 years ago. He was vegetarian. When he died, I became a vegetarian as a way of keeping his memory alive.
Maybe you could play a song she liked, or write a poem in memory of her.

Answer 8

You and me both.. My mum died on me the night i was pushed into going home for some sleep---2 hours i had been gone and got the phone call to come back. I'm still reeling with madness. because i wasnt there. I know how your feeling.

Answer 9

Try a medium/psychic. There are reliable ones if you search properly and check out credentials beforehand. You may or may not believe but no harm trying. It was a big help to me. I lost my father in February.

Answer 10

Dear, whatever you are feeling, alot of us understand. But please bear it in mind, your mother is now in the hands of LORD Jesus, you should just let this thought be in your mind and you will feel peaceful. Never, never go to the 'medium' as this is spiritual harrassment, if you want your mother to know how much you love her, let me tell you, she also has the same feeling as both of you are bonded with the thickness of blood flowing in your body which also belongs to her.
Here I would pray for you:-
Father, in the name of Jesus, we approach Your throne of grace, bringing Trebs before You. We recongnize that grieving is a human emotional process, and we give her the space that she needs to enter into the rest that You have for her.
Lord, Jesus bore Trebs' griefs (sickness, weakness and distresses) and carried her sorrows and pains; we know that Your Spirit is upon Jesus to bind up and heal Treb's broken heart. May she be gentle with herself, knowing that she is not alone in her grief. You are with her, and You will never leave her without support.
Give us, Treb's friends and prayers partners, discernment, sympathy and understanding so that we may bear (endure, carry) her burden of loss. We trust You to guide her and we respect her decisions awaitin the manifestation of Your healing.
Father, we desire to be doers of Your Word, and not hearers only. Therefore, we make a commitment to rejoice with those who rejoice, and to weep with those who weep (sharing Treps' grief) We pray that our love will give Trebs great joy and comfort and encouragement, because she has cheered and refreshed the hearts of Your people.
Thank you, Father, for sending the Holy Sprirt to confort, cousel, help, intercede, defend, strengthen and stand by Trebs in this time of grief and sorrow.
In Jesus' name, amen.