grandfather missing out?

Question

My father has been well anything but that. He and I have meet up just before my weeding 6 years ago and made peace with each other. He has off and on tried to be a bigger and better part of my life. Sense having my son he lacks greatly in the gpa area. He is great with all the other kids but hardly sees, or does anything for my son. Now because I know this man has hurt me, and I know who he is, I have talked to him over and over and told him he will not hurt my son, and if I see he is I will end the relationship. My dad seems to have no interest in my son what so ever, doesn’t even come on birthday anymore, is it wrong for me to pull my son completely away at his young age so he don’t remember? I fear letting this go one my son might feel less than because of the other grandkids.

When I say because of the other g-kids it is because his wife also compares my son to her other grandson who is close to my sons age. She always tells my son, well so and so can you should, or stuff like that and my dad lets her and never defends him. I don’t need a father anymore I am grown and moved on but my son needs a g-pa I just don’t know he needs him.

Note to person who thought hubby not in picture....My husband is a very strong force in my sons life, so it is not that he is lacking a male role modle and he is g-pa (hubby's dad)

Answer 1

Wow that's a tough one, you have to decide whats in your son's beat interest. But maybe you should try talking to your initial sperm Donner(dad) and tell him how you feel and if he can't be a loving grandfather to your son as well then he doesn't need to be a grandparent to him at all, he all ready lost his daughter, what should be the harm in just removing your family from his life entirely. And ask him if he cares and if he has ever loved you or thought of you.

Base your decision on his response

Good luck and I wish you enough, enough happiness, enough love, enough life to live and cherish in your family as the driving force I can tell you are

Answer 2

This reminds me quite a bit of my troubles with my mother, and I am very sorry things couldn't be better. It sounds to me like you're very consciously being a great mom who wants to protect her son.
There are two things that would make me support your decision to keep your dad at a distance from your son:
1) I worry about the example he is imprinting on your son as to how a father behaves toward his family. When he grows up, your son could break "the cycle," but having harmful examples around him could make it harder for him. It could also be disappointing to him when he tried to rely on g-pa, but then g-pa goes on another "off" phase for a while. Children need reliable adults.
2) Your dad's wife sounds very rude, selfish and harmful when she makes comparisons about your son. That is not a mature, loving adult.
Please continue to cherish and pass down values about family. Try not to pass down resentment or other hurts that are personal to you. When he is old enough, maybe in a few more years, let him make decisions to meet with g-pa and provide balanced support (not to take some things personally, adults have their own problems too, etc.).
I also sense that you and your son are not treated the same as other people in your family. Even though you've grown up, that's not something one can ever grow away from. If you think it's interferring with your life and parenting, talk to a counselor (preferrably with your father). I found out that a lot of my mother's distance from me is because I remind her of my father and her unhappy young adulthood. Few things have changed, but I no longer take it so personally and understand what sets me apart from my siblings. If only families could be easier...
Good luck and God bless.

Answer 3

Don't put your son through that. He will grow up thinking that he's no good enough. End the relationship until he's older and wants to make up his mind for himself. I've been there and done that with my 4 kids. My ex mother in law always compared and played favorites with her daughters kids. My kids have a negative view of their grandmother even today.

Answer 4

I think you know what is in the best interest of your child and if you do not want him growing up feeling second best becuase kids are smarter than people give them credit for then cut him off. He is the one who should make an effort to spend time with him not you. Since as you say he is young enough not to remember, save him the heartache and cut him off. Maybe after time he'll realize it and think Hey What About......., Then maybe he can gradually enter his life but save him and you the heartache of putting forth the effort without any results!

Answer 5

Boy...lots of stuff in your post...most having to do with your relationship with your father...NOT good. I wonder if you've really talked with him about how you're feeling...about your son and his needs...and you and your needs from your Dad. I'd give it another shot. Make sure you have privacy and the time to hash this out. It's important. If..things don't change you will know that you gave it your best shot and it will be easier to let go if you have to.

Answer 6

I don't see a husband in this picture. How can you expect to have any sort of normal life for your son in the absense of a father?

If you had done things correctly, you wouldn't be searching for good answers to weird situations, of which there are few.

So it doesn't get worse, read "10 stupid things women do to mess up their lives"

Answer 7

it sounds like you need to break ties with your father. whatever problems you had years ago are still there. maybe he see's you when he is around your son.

Answer 8

If your son doesn't have a grandpa he won't miss having one will he?

Answer 9

i dont know :(