My daughter has been liking this boy for a few months(she graduated from HS last night).He fooled around with her BF and she found out from a 3rd party, plus tried to "get with" a 14 yr old. The friend at first denied it, but the boy admited to it.Most of her friends don't like him.She and the BF are no longer speaking.But she says her and the boy are "just friends" now.My daughter is planning on going into the Air Force to be a pharmacist, and is a literacy genus.He has a 4th grade reading level and would not have passed English without her help.He plans to stay in town and be a mechanic.Not that there is anything wrong with that, he just is not going to persue anything else.He did graduate last night too, when he walked across the stage someone yelled out "It's about time!" I am a parent that wants the best for my daughter and I think that he has been around the block more than once.I don't disapprove of her dating, just not this guy.What do I do to get her to quit liking him. HELP
2006-06-10 02:42:04 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
This is a tough one, but not unusual. Many girls your daughter's age are attracted to the "bad" boy. She probably has no interest in a decent guy right now. One thing you need to be careful of is not to be so adamant in your distrust/dislike for this young man that it drives your daughter closer to him. You can't get her to stop liking him. In fact, girls your daughter's age often desire to find someone who "needs" them.... and if she senses that her bad boy needs someone to rally to his defense, she'll do it. I would calmly and clearly explain your concerns to your daughter. She's old enough where she has to make her own decisions, and her own mistakes. You just need to be there in case she makes a bad move with this guy. Good luck.
2006-06-10 02:50:09 · answer #1 · answered by Regularguy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't "get her to quit liking him." That will only drive her closer to him. If she has the capacity to have the intelligence of a career in pharmacology and a literary genius level, she probably has a hard time finding young men around her age who are on her level, and thus, is attracted to an opposite. Hopefully, she will tire of his inadequacies and will get bored with the guy before the relationship gets too serious. But as far as a mother being able to get her to stop liking him, well, that will definitely just make them cling together more. Loosen your grip and remember, your daughter is a smart young lady who may realize a lot more than you know about the guy.
2006-06-10 03:02:54 · answer #2 · answered by HisChamp1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your daughter how you feel using the "bun burger bun" method. Wrap the negative stuff that MUST be said with positive things that SHOULD be said. For example, tell your daughter how good it feels to see her suceed in graduating and how much you are looking forward to seeing her step up to a new challenge as a pharmacist. Tell her that you're very proud of her and that you love her. Then tell her that you are concerned about her relationship with this boy and phrase your concerns as YOUR HONEST FEELINGS, not as something YOU think she should do. Tell her how it makes you feel uncomfortable seeing her get hurt, how it makes you angry to think that this boy may be jerking her around and how you feel scared that this boy may cut into your daughters self confidence, self esteem, etc...
Finally, wrap it up by telling her that you trust her judgement and that, although you'll be keeping a close watch on this boy, that you know she'll make the right decision. Then...let her do what she must do. Don't interfere unless you absolutely must. Everyone gets hurt and that's life. Hopefully, your daughter will chose the correct path to happiness.
2006-06-10 04:18:56 · answer #3 · answered by Methuselah 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sit down and talk to your daughter tell her that she is way better than that and that you don't want her being around him or even talking to him tell her there are way more better guys out there and she deserves better i wouldn't want my kid dating someone like that either and if that don't work take it to the next step which would be going and getting a order or something put against him so that they can't be together she may be mad at you but eventually she will see why you done it that's the way all kids are they are mad at you then soon they will see why you done what you done and realize that you do love them and only want the best
i learned the hard way to my parents didn't like the guy i was engaged to because he was a player and i didn't listen and got my heart broke just do what you have to do if you really care about your daughter
GOOD LUCK and remember your her mom and she can't be mad at you forever
2006-06-10 02:51:57 · answer #4 · answered by rebelgurl_26241 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This happened about 30 years ago.
My sister who was about 20 at the time had a chinese boyfriend. My parents forbid her from seeing him. (dumb racist bullshit) they were married within three months.
Now my brother in law is a great guy and I like him just fine. They are still together 30 years later and happy.
If you tell her you don't like him you will just drive her into his arms.
Let her live her own life and she will figure it out for herself.
If she is joining the air force and he is staying in town they will separate anyway.
2006-06-10 03:04:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Spend your time becoming your daughter's best friend and let her know that you only have her best interests at heart.
She has to trust you, first.
Do not ever express your dislike for the guy. This will push her to him.
Invite the guy over and allow him to come to family functions and in the meantime, get your daughter some books on developing her self-esteem. She will see this guy for what he really is in due time.
2006-06-10 03:01:39 · answer #6 · answered by QuestOne 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sit down with her and talk to her about it in a calm voice. Or you can let it go and grin and bear it before she leaves to go into the air force. Would you want her to go away her being mad at you? Let her weigh her pros and cons about him and let her decide for herself that he is no good for her and he cheats. I dont think her BF should have been with him cuz BF dont take eachothers boyfriends. Good Luck
2006-06-10 05:07:11 · answer #7 · answered by ice 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
don't push her she will only rebel. she's 18 now and there is nothing you can do. she plans on going into the air force. if she does or when she does he will be just a thing of the past. don't worry to much it will all work out.
2006-06-10 05:48:47 · answer #8 · answered by karen d 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your daughter is 18 or older there is nothing you can do. The more you brow beat him the more she'll defend him. Remember love is blind. She'll wise up, if he is as bad as he appears to ,you won't have to do a thing. These yo yos always slip up. Hang tuff Mom
2006-06-10 03:22:00 · answer #9 · answered by Granny 1 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In all honesty, the more you express your disgust with him, the more she's going to "rebel" and keep hanging around him.
I'm sure she'll wise up. Maybe just (as hard as it is) back off a little, and let it be "her" decision to stop seeing him.
2006-06-10 02:46:18 · answer #10 · answered by paj 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋