He and I had an affair(both married at the time),resulted in me falling pregnant. We found out about my pregnancy & was happy. But i had a miscarriage, 1 week later, he told me that he misses his baby, who was 1 month old. We had a fight, as I filed for a divorce & my divorce was almost done, but his was not served to his wife. He then decided that he wanted to experience being a dad for a few months & that i might come in the way so he left. He came & saw me & still loved me but he was back home with his wife & child,under his wife. They agreed many months before our affair that they can't live together & after she found out about me, she held onto him using the baby to get to him. Eg. She wouldn't allow him access, if he did not cut ties with me!!!! he lied that he had, & stayed there for 4 months until she moved out, she then broke into my home and physically assualted. He then gave me most of his attention, but only now that the baby was not around. He is fighting for custody now.
2006-06-09 22:40:54 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
With him fighting for custody, puts our life on hold.. till things are sorted. I feel that i am being treated unfairly as he has been telling me all that he needed and wanted and i have been fulfilling those needs. I just want to continue a life with him as i know he wants to as well but he wants his baby to be apart of our live. Which i think i have a problem with. I love kids, & i have never been in contact with this child & she is now 9 months old. i am scared that she is going to reject me. And i guess i may feel threatened by her as it was because of her that he walked out on me intitially. His wife now allows him once in 2 weeks to see her and she has put a restraining order against me from seeing the baby, which our lawyers have discussed & somewhat removed but i am jealous to be around them. I don't stop him from seeing her but he insists on me being there but i can't bring myself to doing it, also cause his parents are also there i would like us to bond as a family, just us 3
2006-06-09 22:48:20 · update #1
after the assualt, i did get her arrested but it became this whole horrible thing. She then accused him of sexualy abusing his daughter as she wants to ruin his credibilty in court and asked him to pay her 100k to see his child. We laid all these chargers against but the courts here are so with mothers.
Besides me feeling unworthy of him, i feel that i hate him for leaving me in that situation after my mis. I had to go to all these doc appointments and check ups and he ran of to be a dad. Where was his responsibilty to me and our child????
he and i are currently in a real mess, he is insecure that i am going to leave him and i am confused cause there is so much of hate towards him ... but love as well.
2006-06-09 22:59:02 · update #2
Don't feel unworthy! You're not!!!! Your miscarriage wasn't your fault and there was probably a very good reason why it happened that was beyond your control. Nature will always do the best thing for you and your baby! Don't blame yourself for something you could never control, even if you knewit was going to happen. As for your partner's ex, she can't stop him from seeing his child and the courts will put that right. More importantly, she brioke into your house and assaulted you! I hope you had her arrested! You are the priority here and you need to deal with the loss of your baby, either with your partner or a professional councellor. Don't leave it go until it becomes a real problem for you!!! Good luck with it all!!
2006-06-09 22:52:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, you ain't getting no sympathy here, dearie. You are confusing drama and his wife as romantic obstacles. Get over it. You are in reality, not a soap opera. Time to turn off the t.v. and get real with yourself. You are not worthy you say? You are right. You have no self-respect for yourself. You don't feel you are worthy --- and that's why you are putting up with a pitiful excuse of a man who is vacillating between you and his wife. Why buy the cow if he can get the milk for free? He has a wife and a baby and you up and get pregnant by this loser?
Honey, grow a backbone and GIVE HIM UP. HE IS NOT WORTH IT. I would not have a child with a man who has a wife and a baby. How dare you get involved with someone like this? It's quite clear you have no self-worth and don't respect the marriage or the wife.
I would suggest you leave town and start a new life and lose any contact trail back to you. This man is BAD NEWS. Unless and until you learn to respect yourself, remember this: you reap what you sow. What you're doing will come back to you. And don't act all surprised and indignant when it does. Because it will. Payback is a b**tch.
2006-06-23 05:59:35 · answer #2 · answered by brilliantyetconfused 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What are you thinking? How are you unworthy? Because you didn't have a child with him? You were married and messing with a man who was married and had a child? What in the heck were you thinking? If the relationship was truly over, he would have been gone, paying child support and doing things the right way.
Why would you even want to have a child with all this drama going on? Stop now. Grow up. Get rid of him, her and all the rest of the bulls**t this man has brought into your world.
Sounds like you need to do a lot more thinking about this crazy relationship, and get over this guy. Unless of course you are into all the pain and suffering and drama for god's sake!
2006-06-23 20:53:04 · answer #3 · answered by kc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry about the miscarriage but you were messing with a married man. That can never be peaches and cream. Why is there bad feelings toward her? She is acting out because she was hurt and you caused that hurt. Carma is a bad thing. This is sad that this innocent little girl has to be in the middle of this. She didn't ask for this. You all need to be adults and come together for this child. You all were a part of creating this mess so don't make this little girl suffer.
2006-06-23 16:15:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't feel unworthy. But at the same time take your time before getting seriously involved or marrying him. He also needs to be divorced before you move on with him anymore as well! He is the father and that is why he spends alot of time with the baby when the baby is around him and i would worry if he did not want to do this. He must be a great dad and that is wonderful.
2006-06-10 08:10:51 · answer #5 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a dirty Wh0re for sleeping with a man who is not only married but HAS A CHILD! You are getting everything that you deserve. I wish the WIFE would have beat your stupid A** even more. You need it for being so ******* in the head to go and tear a family apart. THEY may have their problems but their is nothing that YOU can do to solve them. I hope that when the day comes that you find the man of your dreams and want to start a family that the same thing happens to you. Karma is a real b*tch and so are you!
2006-06-20 11:34:40 · answer #6 · answered by ^v^ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OH MY GOD! Sorry your story sounds WAY to much like mine 10 years ago. All that drama is hard on a person! When my now husband and I started dating his wife had had an affair and at first we were just friends.
We hung out we talked, then it became more and his ex wife didn't like that at all.She had already filed divorce papaers but couldn't handle that he was seeing someone else.
He had a new born daughter and she used the kid as a way of keeping him in close range. She would dictate when and where he could see his daughter, he did the going back and forth thing because he wanted to be a daddy, and yes I resented the kid, we had issues with that for a long time because of his ex wife "rules"
I couldn't hold the child, couldn't be around her, and certainly could not accompany him on trips to pick her up.She broke into my house, tore up my belongings, tried to have me run over, threatened our son.He was living with his ex wife when our first boy was born, and I took him to court for child support and they had visitations. She couldn't handle my son, I never did the you can't hold him thing as she did me, because I felt if thats where he wanted to be then she would be a part of my sons life also.You can't fight what you can not change.He left her after a few weeks after our son was born and even though we weren't together she still tried to tell him what to do.We got back together when our son was a year old.And have been together since,but it took the better part of 5 years to get everything worked out.
Before we got back together I was there for moral support for him, because we were friends at first. What ever decision he made I supported him, when he went back with his wife, I told him I just wanted him to be happy. Eventually when he realized she was controlling his whole life he broke away on his own and we have been married for 8 years. His daughter and I are closer now than he is with her, she is one of my own, and his ex wife has remarried let go of her rules, and we are a normal happy family.His ex wife has a normal happy family and her and I talk on a regular basis.
I knew I loved him and couldn't see myself being with anyone else, I knew he was having problems and yes adultry is wrong, but there was something about him that I couldn't let go.I dated other guys during the time he was back and forth but I couldn't stop thinking about him and I knew that one day he would find where he needed and wanted to be, I couldn't push him or force him., he would have to find his own way. More than anything I was his friend.And I think thats what eventually lead us to the relationship we now have.
Yes adultry is wrong, but it happens, it happens every day,and when I came into his life there marriage was already being disolved because of her infidelity. It was a head ache for me, but it was well worth it in the end.
2006-06-23 07:27:42 · answer #7 · answered by marriedtoanass 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you are not unworthy, just in a bad situation. You need to find someone that we treat you the way that you should be. This is too much baggage to handle. He needs to grow a set and stop letting his ex rule his life. You will be much better off if you end this yo-yo relationship now. Good Luck
2006-06-23 06:22:06 · answer #8 · answered by kelsey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Darlin, you need to run, not walk to a counselor immediately. This guy that you "love" sounds to me more like you have a very deep dependency on. Point one, you were both cheating on people you vowed to love and stay faithful to till death. Both of you broke your vows and started all this other chaos. Point two, he wanted to go back to his wife and used his child as the leverage to do so. People make choices for reasons, then lie to cover the real reason for the choices. You got involved with this man because of something inside you that was wrong, just as he cheated on his wife with you and lied about it. The bottom line, as painful as it is, is that BOTH of you are cheaters and to save yourself from a miserable life, I strongly urge you to go to a professional and find out why you are behaving so irresponsibly. I wish you the best, but karma is definitely going to get you both in this situation that the two of you created.
2006-06-22 04:27:01 · answer #9 · answered by nanawnuts 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is soooooo complicated. Your story shows why adultery is wrong. You should walk away from this and encourage him to reconcile with his wife. You should find happiness and self-esteem on your own without depending on a man's affections - must be something special about stealing the affections of a married man. Your life will only get more complicated and more screwed up if you continue to pursue this relationship. Stop being stupid.
2006-06-21 17:47:27 · answer #10 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋