Does anyone who had their childhood stolen from them still crave for a good father or mother?

Question

Peole who have horrible childhoods like me and probably the people who are responding do not get the care they need when they are kids. I believe that it sticks with you, the void. I am 21 years old and still wish I had a GOOD mom or dad around to help me and take care of me like a child would be taken care of. Is this bad? Please tell me your story

Answer 1

Yes! I am so glad I am not the only one. I was 15 when my father started doing drugs and beating me. My mother stood by and let him do it, and told me I was selfish for begging her to kick him out ( I did this several times, especially when I was wearing a black bruise courtesy of my Dad's latest drunken rage). My mom finally kicked him out after my friends mom called the cops, interrupting him beating me up again. Before that, my father was never a good father. Not the kind of father you could count on. He was an alcoholic and was always ruining holidays, special events, and anything else he could. So in a way I never had a father. It always gets me on Christmas. I never celebrate father's day either. It hurts especially when I look at my husbands perfect family. About a year ago, my Dad got re-married to a woman with 2 daughters (1 close to my age), and one of the daughters made it a point to tell me how wonderful my dad has become.
It hurt like hell to know I wasn't good enough for him to treat me the way he treated them but I cut him out of my life because he is purely toxic.
It definitely sticks with you. I have never been the same. It kills me that I can't have a dad. When I got married, I wished more than anything I would have had a Dad to walk me down the aisle,I wish I had my Dad every birthday and holiday. But it isn't as simple as calling him up. I emotionally can't deal with him. He insults me and cuts me down.
And my relationship with my mother isn't good either. I guess you could say I never forgave her for looking the other way as my Dad destroyed me. She re-married this year as well, and has moved on with her life. She blows me off to be with her new husband all the time, and so I guess I have no one. I really wish parents would see that divorce doesn't just affect them. When they marry someone crappy, their children end up paying for it. I dearly hope you find someone to lean on. No one will ever understand what you are going through. I wasted so much time trying to get people to understand what I have been through. They really never can. I sincerely hope you find someone to love you unconditionally. Nothing will ever fill that void, but eventually you will find a place to put that pain, and begin to heal. But I completely sympathize with your situation, because I have been there a few times over.

Answer 2

People who had horrible childhoods still cry over the lost years even as adults, for instance I still wish I had had a caring and loving father. However, the most important thing is the realisation that you cant turn back the hands of time, you have to move on with your life and make the most of it. Dont get tied up in the past, but focus on the future . Compensate by being the best mom or dad to your children.They should not miss out on life as you did.

Answer 3

I wish that my father was around more. And to be honest I would have been OK if he just stayed away. But no he was in and out of my life coming in every couple years and making promises and calling every day then just taking off again. Lucky for me that my mother is so strong but I would always fall for it and I could see that it hurt her that she could not protect me from this. But she never bad mouthed him to me but I did over hear her tell him that she would not stand around and watch him get my hopes up and turn his back again.
My dad has 9 kids and 3 of them are with my mother. My 17 year old brother has only seen my father 3 times and then told him that he had no need to make it 4 so he could drop the lies about things changing. My 22 year old sister could careless one way or the other because that is the type of person that she is. But it was it was hardest for me because me and my dad where close and he was in my life until I was 6 my sister was 4 and my mother was pregnant with my brother. I did not see him again until I was almost 15 when I was walking in a mall and happened to see with my 2 little half sisters that I did not know that i had. That is how it has been all my life with him.

Answer 4

My father was shot dead in front of my eyes as I was jumping a double dutch contest at age 5. I had lived with him up to that point. He fell down, I thought, and as a crowd began to gather around him, I ran thru the crowd and got on top of him and shook him to wake up to watch me jump. As my little tee shirt turned from yellow to the red of his blood, he promised me he
would see me after naptime. Well naptime never ended and I have spend my entire life searching for my father. I mourn his death some 36 years later and I will never be able to love any man until I have made peace with my father. He was my hero, my love and gave me six years that were the best I have ever known. The pain does not go, and I lived in a ghetto after his death with my mother. My childhood was not ideal but my father left me with one thing that no one could ever steal. He taught me how to read when I was four. I learned 3 languages by the time he died and the greatest give he gave me was storytelling. Today, i am a writer because of my father and I will write and bring him back to life in every book I write. There can be no healing for such pain. He will never see me as an adult, as a published writer or as his baby topcat. I hate that life killed me on the day he died.

Answer 5

Of course that's not "bad".
Even as adults, it's natural to want someone to lean on when you're down, and be proud of you when you're up.
And at 21, you're still young. You could seek out older adults whom you admire, as mentors.

What's "sticking" with you seems to be your past. You don't have to always feel this way. You can heal and move forward.

It also sounds like you've been a parent to yourself for years, and just need a break. You might benefit from just going someplace for a couple of weeks, where there's a warm bed, meals on the table and no responsibilities.

Answer 6

Just take it back !!!

I'm 12 years old again...I just got a dukes of hazzard DVD from the tooth fairy. eat chocolate chip cookies like whenever i want. i run through sprinklers & just bought a really cool fan which i put my head infront of it & talked, i bought an omnibot that my dad said that i could not have as a kid, bought an old panda bear bank that was like the one he broke when i was younger, i had the riding lawnmower that i rode as a kid sent from my grandfather's house after he passed away to my house & ride in in the driveway.

during the day i run my own business & lead over 50 associates. have taught classes for management & rolled out payroll systems for divisions, set up other accounts & am respected by my peers.

i get the feeling that they don't think that i'm at home right now just ran throught the sprinklers, just put my quater in my panda bear bank, watching bo & luke duke outwit rosco & boss, eating choclate chip cookies, with the cool breeze blowing from my new patton high velocity fan.

well life short complain or enjoy

hope this helps

ss

Answer 7

I do nearly everyday. The oldest of four, I took on the role of caretaker for my mother and my brothers at a young age. She was drunk almost all of the time. I'll be 40 in a few months and feel like I'm coming apart at the seams. My brothers have all turned out to be successful in their careers and all appear to be fairly well adjusted. I was always there for them while growing up, skinned knees, meals, bedtime stories, report cards, whatever they needed from a parent, I supplied it. They only remember our mother raising them. I don't remember a lot of my childhood but what I do was not anywhere close to pleasent. Whenever I needed the love and support of a parent, I was ignored or yelled at or beaten. I remember at the age of six, my finger was cut off in an accident and she screamed at me for getting blood on the floor. As far as a father, I never really had one. She married several times but to men worse than herself. I've never known my real dad and although I've searched, I still can't find him.

I am in therapy now trying to deal with all this garbage and I think I'm making progress but there are times that I wish I could feel my mother's hand on my head saying it's going to be alright or climbing into daddy's lap for a story but I know those things will never happen.

As far as my own personal life, I do what I know how to do best and that is caretaking. My children are happy and self-confident. The older ones are doing great and the younger ones are talented and gifted. All of them know that they can come to me with anything and I will do what I can to help them through and will love them just like always. The really cool part is that they do come to me and trust in my judgement.

I thank you for asking this question because in writing this answer out, it's helped to clarify a few things for me. I was never taken care of or cared for and it's up to me now to care for the little girl in pony tails that keeps coming to me in my dreams.

I wish you all the best in your life and hope that you may find serenity and strength within.

Answer 8

I don't know what it is like to have a good father. Sooooo... I don't know what I am missing. I don't know how I would have reacted if he were to have changed. He passed away a few years ago.

My void changed for me when I had kids. My husband is a great father. I take the time to enjoy the momments I have now with my kids, and my hub. I finally have a REAL family.

Answer 9

It happens to lots of people, and many wish for the kind of parents that others have. Some even go all their lives never knowing what they are missing! But many others turn to God as their loving heavenly Father, and learn to trust Him, and learn to appreciate the difference between the earthly parents they had and a good and kind Parent who needs nothing from them and only wants what is best for them and can't be fooled. He is worth trusting.

Answer 10

Wow,this is really a heavy question.And some of the answers are even heavier.I admire all the others who so openly and candidly displayed their interbeing on a format that is so open to the public.I havent reached that point,so I sometimes hide behind my answers pretending to be something Im not.The answer is yes I have and no it isnt.Everyone needs to be nurtured sometimes.Maybe someday I will be able to trust enough to share my story,but not today.Thanks everyone.