I've caught my 14 yr. old?

Question

Today I called the cable company to ask them about my bill. I was shocked to find out that my basic cable bill had x-rated movies billed. When I initially requested services I asked for basic cable. The Mgr., explained to me that pay per view services could be order through the remote control. Long story make it short, my boy order the movies and I just don't know how to deal with this. I am not talking to him at this minute as I am very upset, I feel I need to cool down before I ask him how he dared to do such a thing. I believe in having open talk with your daughter or son whatever the case would be, but I am very confused. I am 34 year old single mother and my boy is fourteen. I need some help on how I can deal with this very serious issue. I believe in healthy sex at the right time with the right person for the right reasons, I totally hate pornography.

Answer 1

well he is fourteen and has the healthy normal curiosity of a fourteen yr old boy. i know he is your baby and you must be shocked. the more major issue is he thoughtlessly ran up a bill that his single mom might not be able to pay. i would suggest cancelling the cable for a month or so then start back by putting romote locks on the tv(i think the cable company should be able to tell you how to do this) this allows your kids to only access certain channels and you are the one who picks those( let him have some choice) i deffinately feel a punishment is in order for the bill, but maybe sit and have a talk with him about respect and how you feel about those kinds of movies and how they exploit. let him know it is not something you are willing to put up with. he may just be curious and you do not want him to learn the wrong way. tell him if he has any questions to come to you or if you have mature male family member that can explain the ins and outs of sex(no pun intended there). do not make sex a bad thing, but explain he is too young and that you would prefer he wait. tell, him your beliefs and hopfully he will follow them at least while he is under your roof. cant your cable company block those kinds of channels? tell then no one from your household has permission to order those kinds of movies.

Answer 2

It's true what they say. He's at that age. He's curious. I don't condone the pay per view behind your back. I don't condone the porn but when them hormones start jumpin' around, The boy gets under pressure just like anybody else. I'm sure you understand that. He wants to learn about stuff. That's the only way he new how. Be thankful he didn't go out and jump some chick. From the sounds of what I hear on this site, it wouldn't be that hard to do. I don't think it would be good to come down too hard on him. Just talk to him, about the going behind your back, about the porn, about whatever he needs to talk about. I think you should probably figure a way for him to pay for the pay per view, even if it's working around the house. This is your perfect opportunity to show him that no matter what, the communication lines are open between you. He is old enough that you can not dictate to him any more. now is the time to direct with communication and a certain amount of compromise. However, it is your house and as long as he lives in your house he lives by your house rules. just remember, everybody in the house has to live by the same rules, even you.

Answer 3

1.) Punish him so he knows that he will be in serious trouble with you, if he does anything like this again. Be stern, and make the punishment serious. No sending him to his room, crap. I'm talking about some hard household labor. Mowing the lawn for a few weeks in the mid-day hot summer sun, for example.

2.) Call the Cable company and talk to them to see if your cable box comes with parental controls. If they do, set up password protection on your box, and never enter the password while your son is around.

If your cable box doesn't have parental controls, ask the cable company if they have another newer box that does have this feature, and ask how much it will cost to exchange the boxes (if anything).

3.) While your child is out of the house, search his room for dirty magazines. When I was his age, I had them, my brother had them, and nearly every other male that age that I knew of had them, and that was back in the early '80s. Check between the mattresses, under the bed, and in the closet up on a shelf in a box, perhaps.

Also, if he has a computer, do a search for .jpg and .gif files and see if they're are any dirty pictures.

But overall, remember that he's a teen, and all teens have a natural curiosity about the other sex. You're child isn't the only one to go through this. But just remember to be the parent and not ignore this. You must punish him, otherwise he will think that having porno at that age is ok, and he can have as much as he wants without fear of the parents. That's not the message you want to send.

That's my two cents worth. Good luck with your teen.

Answer 4

I agree.. call the cable company and find a way to take away his option for repeat access in the future.. but as for how to deal with the parental side of things? He's 14.. the time for "the talk" has passed, a couple years ago was the time. I am 29 now, lost my virginity at about the same age with the first opportunity I had. And I dont think anything would have kept that from happening... other than maybe enforcing strict religious beliefs at an early age, but that is a form of ritual abuse in my mind. so it is dependant on the upbringing you prefer to create for him. kids are kids.. they test the limits.. he's testing yours now. you have to make the decision of where to set the bar for future behavior. sit him down and tell him how hurt you are by his obvious betrayal of trust and the deceitfulness of his decisions.
Or go the other way and sweep it under the rug.. Pretend it didn't happen and pay the bill.. but dont be upset when history repeats. And it will.. again and again. Get him a paper route to settle the debt. Encourage him to work hard at regaining your trust and he will value and respect your authority in the future.

Answer 5

Well, first of all, he's 14 and he is in that age, when he is very curious (I guess). It is gross, but a lot of people actually watch that stuff.
What I would do - I would block those channels, using the remote, or whatever (call the company and take that stuff off your programming). And second - I would not talk about pornography, but I would talk about ordering stuff. He might be already very ashamed and embarrassed, do not make him feel even worse. Of course, this is my personal opinion, and I do not know your son. If he is a fully developed man at 14, then you should kick his butt:) If he is a little confused boy, who was interested in "how it works" - do not put guilt or more shame on him - he already feel that, especially since you caught him.

P.S. Also, I believe in talk about sex when time comes, but not about porno. That is just too freaking gross to talk to your kids/parents about.

Answer 6

Hi, well it's can be very scary for us mums and we don't really know how to deal to it. Well you taking a good step not to go and scream and just sit down and think how you going to take situation under control. The problem I can see here is not Porno moves but the bill on the end. As kids growing they have the sexual desires and you should read more on in from Wikipedia encyclopedia I give you sneak pick preview and that is talk a lot about that all issue. The thing is he left you with a big bill on the end so you have to make him to understand that you not going to put up with it!
Back to the sexual behave have a look at that and you can read more on the web site ....
Sexual activity in humans is an instinctive form of physical intimacy. It may be performed for the purposes of biological reproduction, spiritual transcendence, expressing affection, and/or having fun and enjoying oneself (known in this context as "sexual gratification"). The desire to have sex is one of the basic drives of human behavior. Every sexually-reproductive animal species, and every human culture, has a range of conduct used in courtship, intimacy, and sexual activity.

Human sexual behavior is therefore the behaviors that human beings use when seeking sexual or relational partners, gaining approval of possible partners, forming relationships, showing affection, and mating.

It covers at least two major areas: anthropology (common or accepted practices across different cultures), and informational (background which is useful to individuals who may be engaged in, or considering, sexual activity)

Answer 7

I'm sorry to hear your having problems with your teenage boy...But at this age boys what to find out all they can about sex...it doesn't matter what you think about this issue,or have a
talk to your son....He's a young man (he thinks he is)and wants to see whats going on in this nasty world....I feel for you about running your cable bill up...Have your talk, about the bill and ask him if he would never run the bill up again....just ask him,what kind of movies he was ordering and see what he tells you...This is a very touches problem....GOOD LUCK....
Clowmy

Answer 8

He's getting to a "curious" age. I'm sure he had no idea that you would find out. He may even have had friends over that encouraged him to order the movies.
He needs to know how you feel about porn in your house and that it's not okay to order ANY movie w/o permission. I suggest that he be made to pay his portion of the bill. If he has no money, then extra chores will do. Don't just ignore him tho'. He doesn't know what he has done yet, so that won't fix anything.

Answer 9

For a 14 year old guy it is normal and a stage they just go through..most guys eventually grow out of it. You are a female. Don't take me the wrong way and I don't want to bring you down, but maybe his lack for a father figure has made him explore things that normally a father would talk to his son about. Talk to your son as if he was a friend and tell him why you don't like pornos and how it makes you feel. If you are really an open mother talk to him and tell him everything, honestly. It is better for him to be comfortable to talk with you about it than afraid start doing the real thing.

Answer 10

Go easy on him Mom. It is a very normal stage for a hormonal teen boy. Let him know that you understand. Tell him it is normal to be aroused by women, and that pretty much all healthy sexually curious teens masturbate...but pornography is not healthy. It desensitizes people to sex and they forget that it is meant to be a beautiful thing that is meant to be shared by two people that love one another (or at least know eachother...not by a pool boy that first meets Debbie Does Dallas and then does her:) Pornography is unrealistic. Just be calm and up front about your feelings...but please know that it is very normal. But, he should have to pay the bill or a portion of it. Also, remember that hopefully if he is masturbating he might not be having sex too soon and getting stds or becoming a father...teach him "sex can wait...masturbate" I wish you and your son luck.

Answer 11

well ring the cable people back and ask if you can have it locked so that you can't order it thro that and tell that you want something done about because you 14 year old son is getting them and being that you have to be over 18 or over 21 where ever you are from they shouldn't even be able to purchase them so easly, and make him work or do chores for the bill and tell him that he is not to keep watching them because they are expensive. and i understand that you don't like the movies but he's a hormonal 14 year old boy and is going to do it weather u like it or not so u can't really stop him, does he still speak to his father? or is there another male model in his life maybe get him to talk to ur son about watching porn and the hole sex thing