I thought my love would grow for him because I wanted to do the right thing since we had become christians and were staying together. He's an ok person, but very hard to get along with. He will work but always end up not staying on a job long due to his attitude. I also have proof that he has been unfaithful, such as I've found phone# of females and have call one and she admitted that she could have had him in her bed the first day if she wanted to because he was willing. I'm kind of stuck here in a sense because I only work part-time and can't find a full-time job from 9-5 so I can have the evenings with my girls. We can't communicate because he's 50 and thinks he knows everything. If any one can give me some advice I would love it . I forgot to mention he stopped going to church also.
2006-06-09 18:41:09 · 43 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I left out that I have told my husband that I married him for all the wrong reasons; so he's not in the dark. We also don't have any communication between us because we see things differently. I've been abused but I've forgiven him because he asked. I do care about him but not enough to live the rest of my life with him. When we first got married I really wanted this to work out because I was ready to settle down and live a Christian life which is really imporant to me and I have a friend that wasn't head over hills in love with her husband but they have be married for twenty years and I only found this out after the fact. I work with this person and was talking to her about my relationship. Hopefully God will open some doors that I've been working on.
2006-06-10 18:48:28 · update #1
My honest opinion is that I would get a divorce. The reason being is that you only live once and you should live your life to the fullest. Also, if your not happy you we be miserable for the rest of your life (well as long as you stay in that marriage) and also your kids would not be happy because your not happy. Also, better to do it now then later and waste more time. Besides you are hurting your spouse by staying there if you know longer love him or have ever been in love with him. Never stay in a relationship for the kids:) Good Luck
2006-06-09 18:49:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is hard work. You don't keep the heady rush of firsts forever. You decided to become Christian and that means staying married and faithful to your husband. If your husband beats you or ends up not having jobs for long periods of time and you have to do the supporting, then go to your priest or minister and ask HIS advice. But to leave because you're bored or just don't feel the love is certainly not a good reason to leave. He didn't cheat on you, the woman just admitted to you that she could've had him if she wanted him, so really, she insulted you, my dear, and I can't help but think as I read your post you do come across a little dense.
If you are ten or twenty years his junior you must've had a passing thought that he was a bit older than you. When I was 17 I dated a 24 year old and broke it off in three months because he was getting too serious. I was mindful I was 17 and in no hurry to settle down. I was religious too and felt that marriage is too important to just settle with anybody or the first thing that came along. I suggest you sign up for school on-line and get a degree. you are going to need it.
2006-06-22 17:46:35 · answer #2 · answered by Persephone 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My guess is that you have stayed with him this long because of your children. I completely understand that you want to be home with your kids - I respect that - and in order to do that you have stayed with him. I would stay with him until the kids are at least out of high school. There are only a few reasons to leave before that. (he is abusive, drugs & alcohol, infedelity) You believe he may be cheating, I would find out for sure. That woman you spoke to only said he would have she did not say he did. If you can put away some money a little at a time because it is inevitable that you will leave him or he will leave you. If you want to stay with him so that you can continue to be there for your children then use a condom because you already know there is a great possibility that he is having sex with others. If the two of you can get along and not fight or cause friction then it is most likely best for the kids to have you there in the evenings. Also, what will happen if you divorce - you will have no control over who and what he exposes the kids to. At least now you have control over the childrens environment. It's a hard one good luck.
2006-06-23 06:59:31 · answer #3 · answered by B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As you said, you do not love him enough to stay with him the rest of your life. Well guess what? The rest of your life is happening right now! The court will award you child support. If you stay for the money, plan on being miserable. What kind of religion would encourage people to live this sort of lie?
I suggest you go and see a lawyer who will tell you what to expect financially. Based on that, set yourself a deadline of less than one year and use that time to plan and then get the hell out of there. You will need to give some thought as to how this is going to impact your daughters but don't think they aren't being impacted by the fact that their parents are in a marriage of convenience.
I wish you courage and happiness.
2006-06-22 15:20:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK from the sound of it you don't want to stay with him and there is nothing wrong with that. I have know my husband almost all of my life and we got married when we were still in high school and now have a son together. he's a pain in the As* and he's made a lot of mistakes, but all i can remember is how i prayed to god for someone to love me. and what i got was him and as much as he messes up i still thank god everyday for him. i guess what I'm trying to say is you deserve better you should have the kinda kiss that makes you week in the knees like i do with my husband even after all of these years. pray for god to send you someone. don't stay with him marriage is hard work but loving that other person is what makes it all worth it and if there is no love then you should be married
2006-06-23 10:59:28 · answer #5 · answered by mama bear 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's good you have God in life - I am sure you get your strength, from Him.
Am I right that you are struggling, with guilt about if. you should leave him, in spite of his attitude and being unfaithful?
Do you have family that will let you stay with them while you find a full-time job and save some money to get your own apartment?
Please don't think that you can "change him," you can't. At 50 years old, there isn't anything he wants to hear, except goodbye.
Take your time and ask friends and family to let you know if they hear of a full-time job that you can do.
Take care of yourself. You can't make a grown man go to church. When he is ready and has the calling, he will go back.
Don't wait for him, you must take care of your life.
2006-06-23 17:08:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have done your homework. You have managed to build an arsenal of information supporting and justifying your misery in your relationship, probably in hopes of gaining our support. But here is the thing, our support won't change the fact that you will do what you want anyhow. You are miserable. You don't need an army, just some guts.
I hope this answer just changed a life. Peace.
2006-06-21 20:02:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Life is way too short to be unhappy...You can start out by looking for a full-time job and collecting child support. Start living your life, do things that make you happy, it will benefit not only you but your girls too, kid's sense when their parents are not living in harmony, get out before they start thinking that it is normal to really not be in love with your spouse. You wouldn't want your daughters to marry for the wrong reasons. Kid's learn by example.
2006-06-22 06:15:44 · answer #8 · answered by D D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you said that you want to be the right thing and become good Christians, this is my suggest.....
Sometimes the right thing is not the best for us, means
God doesn't allow us to get divorce for any reasons!!! once you have commited in altar and said marriage promises to live together in bads and goods,,..to be loyal until death do you both a part........you have to prove it and take the consequence!!! this is the bad..do not run even you have to face unhappy marriage tomorrow, the day and day on...try to be faithfull. Try to fix your marriage. Go back to church both of you, forget about both mistakes. Everybody have mistakes as no one perfect.
2006-06-20 20:03:27 · answer #9 · answered by Fie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you know the answer. Second, are you waiting to be 50 yourself, and to start again?
Get a better job, get a guy with a job, and get on with your life. Life without love is not worth living, especially if that is what you need.
2006-06-23 18:36:03 · answer #10 · answered by sheba 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋