why won't my mom love me?

Question

my mom is ...unique. She does love. So I know she can do it but I'm 30 years old and I've known she didn't want me from the time I was old enough to think. She has and is continously spreading lies that destroy my relationships, and quite successfully eradicated ANY family connections. It's been this way forever. To the people out there that have written and thought I may have somehow 'done' this...you don't know my mother. Nor have you been surrounded but alone. I have 2 siblings and I know she has an entirely different 'love' for them. It's painfully obvious. She simply, does not love me. So the question, why?

Answer 1

Some parents don't love there children pure and simple. To all those "a parent HAS TO love their child" people: It's not always so. Some parents suck in a big way. Some parents have favorites. Some moms just suck. Honestly after 30 years you can't change her. Give it up for a lose and walk away. I'm sorry it hurts.

Answer 2

The idea that anyone *must* love their children is patently stupid and false. Look at all the idiots who abuse their children, emotionally as well as pysically. That ain't love.

I would assume, based on this limited information, that you mother is simply incabable of showing love to you. Maybe she loves you, maybe she doesn't. If she doesn't, it would be a monumentally painful and horrible thing. Probably worse than knowing she loves you, but couldn't show it.

Assuming this has anything to do with you is equally stupid. Children do *not* make their parents hate them; children do *not* cause their parents to be incablable of showing affection and love. Either the parent can or s/he cannot. It is neither the child's fault, nor the child's responsibility to fix.

You have one simple choice: do you want to keep the relationship you currently have with your mother? (that is, leave everything just the way it is now.) If this is okay, don't do anything.

If you want something more, or something different, you will need to tell your mother a) how you feel about the status quo and b) exactly what you want. Be prepared for further rejection - but, if she doesn't realize this is how you feel, she might simply assume her actions are enough for you. And, if you don't tell her exactly what you want, she doesn't have any psychic ability to figure it out on her own.

Taking the later approach could be terrifying. Many would fear that taking some action, especially telling your mom exactly how you feel and asking her to change her actions, would result in her actually telling you she doesn't love you (which might be worse than clinging to the belief that she does).

Try for an initial conversation with the approach that her *actions* are what is causing you pain. Try to avoid telling her she needs to change who she is - people tend to react very poorly to this. Don't start off with an accusation that she doesn't love you: regardless of whether she does or not, she would probably deny this accusation. If you focus on her actions and your feelings, you might get a less defensive conversation.

Best wishes

Answer 3

The question should not be why, the question should be "why is she indifferent to me compared to my other siblings". One reason why you may feel this way is you could remind of some things she did in her past and she feels guilty about it. Your mom can only destroy your relationships if you and your partner allows it to happen. If you have a strong relationship with your partner and your partner is a strong willed person, your mother can not break the 2 of you up. The bottom line is you mother does love you but she is the one who needs to deal with the drama she harbors, not you. Stop trying to make your mother love you, stop trying to figure out why you think she does not love you. Find a mate who will make you happy, but, don't get involed with some one who reminds you of your mother. Mothers are sometime selfish and feel they control their children's lives. If sound as if your mother want to keep you under her control therefore giving you the impression that she does not love you.

Answer 4

Ultimately only your mother can answer this question. Have you tried asking her? Your letter is a bit light on details but I think it might be important to let your mom know how you feel. Maybe your siblings would have some insights too.

Also know that even if it is true that your mom doesn't love you that doesn't mean you are unloveable. It's good that you are asking these questions. Be careful about repeating the pattern with one of your own kids. Who knows? Maybe that is what your mother is doing.

Answer 5

Some details would be helpful. I have a hard time believing that she doesn't love you. Did she tell you that you weren't allowed to do something you wanted to? That's her right & job as a parent.
Now, if she beats you or is verbally abusive (you're stupid/ugly, will never amount to anything, etc) then u need 2 confide in an adult that you trust. A teacher, priest, maybe even an aunt would be able to advise you and protect you.

Answer 6

It's hard to believe but.. this kind of event.. happens. Only your mum knows why. I agree that you should ask her. :( You know... somehow I think she'll answer it easily if she really doesn't love you as much as she did to your other sibling. If she.. kinda sad looking while answering this.. it might be that you somehow remind her of someone or something. Other than that kind of reaction, I can only think that she has her own reason why she felt like that or why she do it or it's just because she don't know how to show you she love you.

^_^ Well, I use to think my mum don't really like me but in the end it's just that we(me and my lil sis) are different(very very different in character and thinking) so she handle us differently but she really love us both.

I hope it'll work out soon between your mum and you.

Additional details---

Um yeah, I agree. Maybe it has something to do with you. So you might wanna improve yourself too. You got nothing to lose if you do this anyway. ^_^ Besides, it is harder to not to love to be with someone who is very nice and has positive mind. ^_^

Answer 7

YOU have the answer! You will have to think to see it. What is your definition of love? I hear you saying that she treats others in your family differently than she treats you, but don't you all have different personalities?I see love as having 3 parts. It is an action (1) done in outflowing care (2) without expecting anything in return. Ask yourself, "What would a camera see if filming my mother's actions with me?".

Answer 8

Sorry you are experiencing this....ONLY your mother can answer this question...only she knows the why's and what's about it. It may be that you may never really find out...you have to consider this a possibility (as hard and painful as this may be).
My suggestion...seek therapy or counselling so that a sense of worth and healing can begin for you, you owe yourself that much...my best to you.

Answer 9

Hard to say without any further detail.
If the question was posed seriously I would suggest you need to write her a letter explaining how you feel and what you would like to see as an outcome.
If you were being silly when you posed this question then I would say
a) it is illegal...or
b) you won't let her

Answer 10

Your mom may be mentally ill. Unfortunately some moms do this. you will do all and everything for her approval and never get it. You my never get it either. Be YOU and always be true to you. When you can move out and get away. She wiil and is causing emotional damage. Please remember not all people are like her. Some of us love you and will be praying for you