How do we earn the trust and get our parents to believe us and let us see more of each other and understand?

Question

I'm 17, shes 16.
we have been goin out for 6months
we only talk for about a halfhour a day
we only hang out about twice a week at most
we dont do anything bad ever!, which they think we do all time
parents say they like her, hers say they like me, they say everythings goin to fast and we see to much of each other.
sometimes we come home late from movies and we both get yelled at alot for no reason because they "think" we were doin something bad, which we NEVER are.
I love her to death and dont wanna loose her because of our parents, i dont know what to do.
I just want the trust and wish both of our parents would understand that we dont do what they think we do, i wish they would understand.
They just think we lie about everything.
I juss want some advice on how to get the understanding and trust.

Answer 1

From my experience, coming home late or breaking curfew was a major way of testing my parents trust. Considering your ages, I am surpised that your parents are so restrictive. Ask yourself, what is this 'bad' that they think you're doing? Did your parents come from deeply religious families? Were your parents also restricted by their parents? What about her parents? It may not be fair, or make a whole lot of sense these days, but that could explain some of their methods. Do you or your girlfriend have troubled pasts, maybe trouble with the law? Did you ever have a truancy problem with school? Don't think that I am blaming their behavior on you, I just want you to think of all possibile reasons. It almost sounds like you two live a bit far away from eachother, and that might explain why you're only allowed to see eachother twice a week, and talk on the phone for only half an hour a day. Have I nailed it yet? No? Okay, parents may not seem to make any sense some of the time, but they are your parents. Like it or not they have say into your relationships. The more you show respect for them and their wishes, usually the more trust they'll have for you. So if you're considering sneaking around after dark or anything like that, don't try it. Chances are you'll get caught, and just imagine how often you'd get to see her then? Probably not at all. I know this is a hard time for you both, you're almost legal adults, but until you turn the magic age of 18, you just have to bite down and endure this. You will get through this, just be patient with her and your parents. I am going to assume that talking with your parents wont make much of a difference, but there is nothing wrong with trying. Ask them what it is that they fear so much, and do your best to put that fear to rest. Assure them that you intend to follow their wishes, and do so when you're out with her. If they see that you're true to your word, the less likely they are to shorten the leash. I get the feeling that their fear is your sexual activity. It is my personal opinion that you two are at the ages when your sexuality is your business, however a parent will feel like your business is always their business. You can be 50 years old, and they'll still consider you their baby. Being that your sexuality is your business, I hope you wont mind if I give you a piece of advice: protect you and your girlfriend and use a condom every time. Anyway, you will get through this, I promise. Good luck.

Answer 2

All I can say is keep working at it. Whatever you do be responsible about it. If you feel you are in an adult like relationship then behave like adults. Respect that your parents are just looking out for you and that you would do the same for someone you loved. If you love her and she loved you then things will get stronger and closer between the two of you. I am not that old I am in my 20's and I can remember what it was like to be in love as a teenager. One thing to remember is you are living the best years of your life right now. Try not to make them hard by fighting with your parents. Maybe set a date with her parents your parents and you two and just hang out together. If they can see you two together and behaving with true feelings and not just hormones then they may give you a little lead way. I know as a teenager you don't want to hang out with your parents but they love you and only want what is best for you. It took me a long time to understand that and my parents were basically gone before I could ever tell them sorry for being such a pain. If this relationship is going to last there has to be a little give and take. One thing is for certain your parents will be there no matter if the sky falls on you. You are a 17 years old investment that takes a lot of hard work. Enjoy being a teenager there is plenty of time for adult stuff later. I would do anything to have my teenage years back. Good luck to you and everything will be ok. Just make sure you don’t make your parents feel like they are being abandoned by you.

Answer 3

Awww!! Thats a toughie!! :-?

Well, first try getting her home before the curfew. I understand that it might be hard because of time but try. Do simple chores around the house when your parents are around. Nothing big- sweep the floor or do the dishes. Trust me, its the littlest things that matter most. Talk to your parents together about how you feel about your gf and tell they how meaningful their trust is to you. Ask your gf to do the same if possible. the best way to earn trust is to be open and honest. Also remember that her parents dont want they "little girl"'s innocence taken away. so, if you have already done it, well do tell they unless they ask. if not, dont. dont drink around her or smoke. I hope i dont sound like my mom. i am under 17. i would like to elaborate on this but as old as this sounds, you wrote a long paragraph with little info.

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answer me this and i'll try helping further:

1) what is the "bad"?
2) how is your gf like? is she spontaneous or innocent-like?
3) what EXACTLY are your parents afraid of?
4)how often do you speak w/your folks?
5) how is your relationship w/ you parents and how is her relationship w/ her parents?
6) have they ever caught you guys doing something bad or had bad evidence?

best wishes

Answer 4

If you want them to trust you then you have to earn it. You need to be back by your curfews and don't be late - when you are late it works against you. Follow the rules they have laid out for you.
You can also try talking to them - either seperatley or together and explaining to them that you would like to spend more time together. Tell them you don't mind if it's just hanging out at eachother's houses - where there is supervision. Just be honest with both sets of parents that you don't understand why they distrust you both and you want to know what you can both do to make them trust you.

Answer 5

sounds like your parents are worried that you'll get too involved and end up making a mistake that could ruin your lives, in their view, ie getting pregnant. the only way to get your parents to trust you is to always show that you are trustworthy. eventually they will see this, but it does take time. in the meanwhile, don't give them any reason to doubt you. don't be late home from movies. try to be early if you can. go out with her and your family so they can see you together more often and will see how much you care about each other. things will work out but you will need to be patient. good luck :)

Answer 6

First of all, what your parents say is law and you have to obey them. That is the first and most important way to earn their trust.

Second, discuss your frustrations with them. Just let them know that you haven't done anything bad and you're smarter than that. Let them know you intend to follow the rules they've set for you and lay out the boundaries you will have with your girlfriend. If they know what your limits and boundaries are, it will put them at ease.

Third, try and not come home late if it freaks them out. Try and see it there way. They were teenagers and they may have made mistakes in their pasts that they don't want you to make. Try and learn from their experience.

Answer 7

I think you both need to sit with your parents and explain to them how much you both like each other.
Tell them you will respect all thier wishes but you want to spend more time together.
If sex is an issue then make sure they know that you both are responsible enough to have safe sex.
Make sure you tell them your not looking at marriage, just having a girlfriend.

Answer 8

Tell you rparents exactly what your saying right now. You are allmost 18, allmost ready to go out in the world and be an individaul that can make decisions for yourself. You have prooven to sound responcible enough right now. Tell them that you would never do something they didn't like, because you respect their authority as parents.

Good luck

Answer 9

Hang around the her house or your house with her for a while to prove ya'll don't do nothing bad. With ya'll always going out and not stayin in makes parents think ya'll are doing somethin bad. After a while they will see.

Answer 10

Talk to both of yalls parents. Be sure they know that yall are not doing anything wrong. They should understand if you just talk to them. Tell her that she needs to talk to her parents too. Maybe if all goes well they will trust yall a little more