The Terrible Teenage Years?

Question

Okay, I know I'm getting ahead of myself as my daughter is only 7 but I've been hearing a lot about the terrible teenage years lately. Is it true? Does a sweet little girl who loves talking to her parents & spending time with them suddenly turn into an angry, distant teen/pre-teen? If so, does it last for a long period of time-what should I expect?

According to my brother-in-law my niece is now someone who will not listen to anyone but her friends, doesn't care to be near her parents in public, etc. BUT let me note that my brother-in-law is divorce & their parenting style is very different, even when they were married. The kid has spent summers on her own since 2nd grade! They bought her a summer pass to the nearby waterpark & let her take care of herself. Call me overprotective but that is WAY TOO YOUNG! She already has a cell phone & has guys sending her text messages. According to her, she is one her 2nd boyfriend and the 1st wants her back!

So what's the deal? Is it parenting or the age?

My niece is now 11 years old.

Answer 1

I'm 15 years old. I really love talking to my mom about everything for me (my friends, school even b/fs). Sometimes i feel weard when i'm with my parents around me but this is only when it is :me, my friends and my parents. But i don't hate this when it happens.
My sister, 14 years old can't stand our parents. She is always mad with them and she can't stand them when they tell her what to do, or even when they talk to her. As you understand she doesn't talk to them at all abut herself. She's shouting to them all the time for the smallest detail. She hardly even talks to me....

As you can see, every child has different teenage-affects. Even between 2 sisters, who has grown up with the same parenting, and in the same home/family have different teenager years. It's not depend on you.It's 50%-50% whether your kids will have tough teenage years -like my sister- or not -like me-. Yyou just have to be there for ur kids. As you said, u talk a lot with ur kids and this is very important. Continue doing this for as long as they seem to want it too. Never press them to talk to you. When they feel they need you, they'll come to you. What you can also do to protect them when they become teenagers is to try to know their friends and their friends' parents.... The teenager years' last, is different from child to child. That's all i know. Good luck!

Answer 2

I think this is something most parents worry about. At least, they do if they care about their relationship with their children. The teenage years are a turbulent time for many families, but you can do a number of things to maintain your good relationship with your daughter. It sounds like you are on the right track already. I agree with you...giving them too much responsibility too early is asking for trouble, so keep protecting your daughter. As she gets older, slowly increase her freedom and responsibilities, always discussions options with her and let her know how much you trust her. Listen to her without being judgemental when she talks to you, treat her with respect and take her opinions seriously, even ask for her opinion - these things will make her feel trusted and respected, and is great role modelling for her. You can always point out to her if she does become disrespectful or rebellious, that you have always treated her with respect and trust, and that you expect the same in return. Make sure the limits you set are reasonable, discuss them with her, and be prepared to compromise on the less important things. Explain that everyone in a family has a responsibility to each other for safety reasons. Tell her where you go and leave her with contact no.s so she understands that even adults need to be accountable for their whereabouts. This helps teenagers realise that you are not checking up on them, but simply being a loving family. My son is 19 now and I am a single parent (have been for years), and we have a close, loving relationship. He is a mature and responsible young adult and we've made it through the teenage years with very little problems. Good luck to you.

Answer 3

Both, keep tight enough reigns w/o smothering your daughter and expect some rebellion. Treat it as that and keep close tabs on her.... teenagers, no matter how good are going to try to get away with stuff.... knowing what her parents will put up with is a way she tests the waters of adulthood. Don't get her a cell phone or a computer in her room... those things are the easiest ways to sneak around. She should be able to have a land line in her bedroom that the family uses.... not her own line... and a computer in the family room/den etc... you should always know who your daughter is talking to online or on the phone. Good Luck and I am sure she'll be just fine.

Answer 4

The teenage years are really a challenge to parenting, but it's up to you to set down guidelines for your child. Will your child rebel, possibly, but then again, maybe not. Kids these days get far too much at too young of an age; very little earned, too much just given to them by their parents. Give your child a good set of moral standards, and they'll have a chance, as will you, to survive the teenage years. Also teach your child the real value of a dollar! Kids today act like money grows on trees!

Answer 5

As hard as it is for me, as a teen, I must confess.
It is the age. As much as - when I saw my older sister fighting all the time with my dad for the stupidest things, I promised myself I would never do that - I still do. All the time. And I realize the reasons are stupid, but that's just something all teenagers do. Especially the girls. So be ready for those crazy hormones because one day they'll kick in completely unexpectedly. And remember: half of what she says isn't true, so don't tell yourself you're a bad mom or anything because she says it, because I know I definitely say stuff to my mom that isn't true and I regret often. So good luck and God bless!

Answer 6

Yes I think that at least 90% of teen girls go through that stage...... and I don't think it matters how you parent the child. They go through some long time rebellion. I have two daughters that came out of the rebellious stage in their late twenties and my now twenty nine year old is still rebelling. So I think it has a lot to do with their own personality. But it is normal. I was told when I was very young that when you have small children you have small problems and as they grow so does your problems!!! It is true.

Answer 7

I'm actually 15 years old and I still have a really close relationship with my mom. I think it differs with every teen. But you could always tell your daughter to go join a sports team and tell her she is better than all the boys. That's what my parents did with me and it has worked so far. And on another note I think 11 is way too young to start dating.

Answer 8

Its always a possibility, and its nothing that can be overly avoided, you can try but it may not work the way you want...the positive side is that it does not happen in one day...your child will change gradually and you will be able to deal with it on an every day basis...in Spanish we have a saying "no hay mal que dure cien años ni cuerpo que lo aguante", that means "no evil can last a hundred years and no body can take it anyway" oddly enough this means that everything passes and so will this drama, I can assure you it will wear off in time, she will grow out of it.

Answer 9

I'm going through it right now with my 14 year old...she was a total banshee when she was 12 and 13, but I'm seeing a little light at the end of the tunnel, she seems more willing to talk rationally and the mood swings seem more under control....(until tomorrow that is..LOL) I read a book recently (and can't for the life of me remember the author), but it really helped me understand a little better...it was called "Get Out Of My Life, But Could You Drive Me and Tracy To The Mall First?"

Answer 10

All children become rebellious at age 13. it's called being a teenager. Heck I'm sure you were the same when you were 13. Hormones, Puberty, "coming of age" it is all part of life and living.

The only thing you can do, and if I were to be a parent of a teenager again I would do this, is to communicate, communicate, communicate.