Any other wives living in a sexless marriage, what to do??

Question

My husband says that job stress and tiredness keep him from having an active libido, given we have moved states 2x in the past year for him to start new jobs. I know that he isn't having an affiar, and I know that he's not gay. We've been married for 6 years and sex got less and less over the past 3.
Are there any other wives out there with the same prob??

We have been to the doctor for this and he is on antianxiety meds. We talk openely about this, and have a very affectionate marriage in other ways, but no sex, or else we'll start having it and he loses his erection, very strange for someone who's 34.

Answer 1

I have only been married for 7 months now, my husband is 33 and I'm 23. We have only had sex once since we've been married which was two weeks after our wedding day and it was terrible for my first time. Since then my husband cannot kept an erection and I feel the marriage is not going to last. He refuses to seek help about it and feels being in a sexless marriage is fine, but not for me. I was so excited to be able to be with him that way, but my dreams are crushed. Because of this we fight often, don't talk as much, and I don't even like sleeping in the bed with him. Its hard being in this situation...for anyone. You feel lonely, upset, unloved, and abused at times. Its funny because most of the time this happens later down the road into a marriage but for me and many other young couples, it happens quite often now and days. Yes, there are plenty of wives with this problem and it hurts, all you can do is pray and ask God for guidance. Talk to your spouse about it and tell him how you feel, get counseling if you can, and turn to your good friends and family for advice and comfort. I hope everything gets better for you and everyone else in this situation.

Take care

Answer 2

Have you tried talking to you husband about how much this is truly bothering you? Suggest to your husband if at all possible taking some time off so you and him can spend more time together. I'm only assuming your usually one the wanting sex more then him. (Well that's me in my marriage) My hubby said that we had sex so much in the beginning that he has backed off basically it builds up stamina. I don't know how often you had sex before or how active your sex was before. Have you ever though maybe suggesting more spice, hype to get things hot btwn you to? Have you ever considered writing erotic stories? I mean seriously put yourself in a fantasy and just bring it out through very, very hot details. There's also outfits (role playing some call it, it depends if you act the part). Talk to you hubby and find out if you spiced things up would this get him moving more then he is? If not then maybe you should suggest seeing a sex therapist. I wish you both the best of luck! I applaud you though for NOT giving up on your marriage. It could also be seriously stress related he might want to talk to a doc. about lowering his stress level and having hormones checked out as well. Since you stated his libido is won over by stress suggest talking to a doc. and see what you two can do, to get things hot and bothered once again!!

Answer 3

I am in a sexless marriage also, but I am the male with a huge sex drive and my wife has zero sex drive and shows zero affection. So I know you are in a bad situation. I have to agree with what others have said, the anti-depression meds are probably knocking down his drive. You also need to talk to each other. I have told my wife how important sex is to me and maybe a few weeks later we have sex (but no more than about 8 times a year). I have treatened divorce, but that didn't work. Actually the only thing I hav'nt tried is crying - maybe you should try that.

I have been married for 20 years, have two kids, and had an OK sexlife for the first ten years then the last ten years have been bad (sex wise). You need to think about how much time you want to invest in your marriage. I can tell you that I have gotten myself sick over the fact that my wife dosn't want me, but I have a friend that's a girl who tells me 1. I'm not alone with this problem, and 2. if my wife dosn't want me any woman would be happy to have me (we talk about my problem, and she knows me well as a person).

So I guess you should work through it if you can. Try all those things people say about romantic getaways, time to yourselves, candles, back rubs, etc. I have had limited success with them. Make your man know you are there for him, etc. Bottom line is he needs to want you and you need to have him want you. If you both are willing to try then you should get through it.

Hope this helps

Answer 4

First of all have him see a doctor about the stress and see if he can on some medication for it! You may also want to try and spice things up a bit too with new ideas and fun stuff like new posistions and toys for the bedroom! You also may want to see a sex therapist with him. Try giving him full body massages to try and relax and loosen him up too! Take bubble baths together in candlelight and soft music and just relax with him and talk! Romance may be the key and let him just be him! Do not pressure him! I have been there with my husband before and he is now on medication and much better! My husbands job is very stressful but i try to help him relax when he is home!

Answer 5

I was a wife in a sexless marriage.... I practically had to beg for it... once a month was a chore!!! He became a roomate and that isn't what I got married for.. to have a roommate?? No... I didn't get married just for the sex either, but it would help??? I could count on my fingers how many times we had sex in 2 years?? is that sad or what? Well needless to say we are seperated going into a divorce, but now he wants to give it up? Trust me, talk to him tell him!!! It can't do anything but better your situation, cuz if you don't talk to him it will put alot of stress on the situation and you don't want that.. unless you want to be divorced??? please find someone who can help you!!! Don't be another statistic

Answer 6

Girlfriend--I can count on one hand how many times we had sex in the past 3 years (married 13 years). I had tried talking to him, arguing with him, making him feel guilty, tried to reconcile myself to the fact that sex was over, even cried--you name it. I was at wits end. I love him but couldnt see myself throwing the best years of my life to stay with someone that was not as active as I am. Every time I tried to bring it up he would shut down and go to the garage. So, I wrote him a 3 page letter and explained to him in writing that I felt we had a serious problem. That I didn't want to cheat on him but I was getting so lonely and craving affection that I was to that point. I politely and calmly suggested to him that I think we needed to get a divorce. That woke him up. We started marriage counseling a few weeks ago and it has helped us really get to the issue. He was embarrassed to talk about it with me until that point. If you can't talk to him try a letter and see what happens. Good luck!

Answer 7

At least he gives you an excuse, mine doesn't even bother explaining. He just doesn't come home til late at night. And no, he isn't having an affair and isn't gay either. I think he is clinically depressed, doesn't help that he is an alcoholic, that kills libido as well. And of course he wouldn't dare go to a Dr. and mention that he might have depression. Too much ego to admit there is a problem.

Answer 8

Anti depressants are brutal on the sex drive.
That coupled with stress is probably the cause.
Try a date and some time withut meds. See what happens.
Good Luck.

Answer 9

He may very well not be aware that he has a medical problem like high blood pressure.
He needs to see a DR for a complete check up.
He may not be telling you that he can't get an erection because of embarrassment, and he may not know that High Blood pressure or BP meds can give him that problem.

Answer 10

try to spice it up some maybe when he goes to bed stay up for a little while, get in a little sexy number crawl into bed with him and start kissing on him go down and give him a BJ for a while Oh you'll know when he wakes up. Then climb on top of him and well you know...you'll have him so hot by then he won't be able to tell you too stop My husband loves when i wake him for a little midnight treat, no matter how tired he is!! Have Fun