want the ex to keep away?

Question

my boyfriends ex wife is a nightmare and is always phoning or coming round with problems she's created about their kids (14 and 18) who are both fine stable beautiful girls. this is really getting to us now as i'm pregnant and she making it impossible to live our lives. the girls are obviously important to bth of us and i have a great relationship with both of them but we just dont need this level of contact with his ex as the girls come to us about things themselves. what do we do

Answer 1

Regardless of your condition you and your boyfriend have to have contact with his ex because of the children - if there are problems or something she is concerned about he needs to know.

Her coming round the house is obviously an issue - I would ask her to not do that but to phone. Get the answering machine because if there really was a serious problem with one of the children and you weren't there you would feel guilty.

Although you said that the girls come to both you and your boyfriend with their problems - they may not tell you if there is something going on that an adult would consider a problem so you do need to communicate with the ex for this reason.

I know it isn't ideal but god forbid you and your partner split up wouldn't you want to be able to talk to him about YOUR child? Put yourself in her position, she did not create these children on her own and his willingness to talk to her still is a very mature thing to do and shows his level of commitment to his children.

Good luck. I hope it works out.

Answer 2

The "problems she has created" comment suggests you think she is inventing reasons to make constant contact with your man. Deep down you believe she is after him.

Perhaps she is. Perhaps the next woman your husband crosses on the street will fall madly in love with him and stalk him for the rest of his life.

It does not matter what either of these women feel for your husband. What matters is how he feels about them and how he feels about you.

Possibly because you are pregnant you feel less attractive and are less secure in your relationship. Why not say this to your husband. Say that you worry he might want to go back to his ex because you have a humped back tummy.

Most likely your husband will laugh and tell you he loves you so much that Angelina Jolie couldn't pull him away from you.

Then stop thinking about this woman. They got divorced. She may want your man, but ironically the more time you spend worrying about it, the more tension you will create in your marriage and the more likely it is to happen.

Don't play into her hands. Have your own beautiful baby and shine

Answer 3

i can see both sides - as my kids are from a previous relationship but my partner also has kids from a previous relationship -and we are expecting our first together.

the girls have a right to see their father - but i don't think that the ex wife does really. he obviously has obligations and demands from his first family and i understand how this must make you feel.

you also have a right to be a family yourselves though - they have broken up now.

i would talk with your partner and tell him how you feel. seeing his children is obvously not an issue but ask him if he can ask his ex wife ro understand that you need time to yourselves. his ex wife looks as if she needs to move on - and raising two girls at that age can be scary - but she needs to move on and understand where you are coming from.

it is hard for new families when they need to mix the two sets of children, and i don't envy any one that goes thorugh this, there are no guidelines and noone to tell you how to do it right.

if it gets to the worst though - you are pregnant and this much stress is not good foir you. if she persits in coming round then don't stop her all the time - she maybe thinks that you get on well and finds the support comforting.

however, you don't need to be in all the time. lock the door and refuse to answer the telephone. take some time out for you and your boyfriend and if she questions any of ou then tell her you needed some time for the two of you.

i hope that you are able to come through this and congrats on the forthcoming child

Answer 4

Designate special once a week meetings or phone calls and keep to the rules explain to the girls things are going to be hectic with the baby and its better to try to sort a routine out now so you can all get used to it .....Get an answer machine and tell her if its important to leave a message explaining the situation and you will get in touch.Sort it out now before it escalates,someone needs to take charge before it all gets out of hand.Or the girls are going to end up more confused........and hurt.

Answer 5

She doesnt need to come round to your place at all. I really think its your boyfriends responsibitly to have a quiet word with her and try to make her see sense about this. My ex husband has a girlfriend and I would never dream of interfering in their lives, as long as she is good to my kids that all that matters. And tell him to talk to her AWAY from your home. Good luck :o)

Answer 6

Well they have kids together and they need to make decisions about the kids together. Just because they are stable doesn't mean there aren't issues to deal with.

When you got together with your boyfriend his girls and his ex-wife came with the package

Answer 7

Firstly let her know how ytou feel and how her behaviour is affecting you, try to come to some agreement over contact, if that doesnt work as a last resort you could try getting a restraining order on her. I believe a solicitor can do that for you.

Answer 8

initially ur neighbor can not say s hit cuz u are not completely relationship. 2d, u could desire to eliminate the neighbor neway....it is been over a year thats a lot of time for him to return to a decision what he needs. understand that u broke up with ur ex for a reason, yet while u think of u can artwork it out pursue that relationship and forget approximately ur variety of present day one.

Answer 9

file a complaint keep him in adistant corner make him feel like he is in danger with the cops and dont cry when you are infront of him make like he dos not exist as your ex I know easier said that one but its wort a try

Answer 10

Why hasn't your boyfriend dealt with this? He should make it difficult for his ex to contact and he should protect you from her.