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my wife wants kids and i dont. I want to keep having sex, but no pregnancy. If we cant have a kid my wife wants to stop having sex. I want kids, just not at this point in my life

2006-06-09 08:40:31 · 27 answers · asked by jordan.1984 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting Pregnancy

27 answers

They were working on a form of birth control for guys, I'm not sure how that's coming along. But it in the meantime, talk to her about it, tell her that you don't want kids yet, then work with her to keep using contraceptives. No one should have kids when they're not ready, and communication is the key!

PS: The spermicide lube works, but many women are very sensitive to it, so be careful, don't lie to her about it. She could have a very bad reaction to it, and she could also get a UTI (Urinary Tract Infection).

2006-06-09 08:45:27 · answer #1 · answered by chica_zarca 6 · 1 0

I think you're being sort of selfish. If you don't want kids, you're wife will stop having sex, right? Well, sure enough, if she wants kids bad enough, she'll find a way to have kids, with or without you.
It's a hard thing to accept, but it's true. Instead of finding drugs or whatever to kill your sperm just so you can still get your rocks off, just to keep your wife happy thinking that you are having sex to conceive a child, that's shelfish.
Before taking any drug to kill your sperm or before deciding whether to have sex or not, you should discuss the whole "having kids thing" and come up with an answer.

2006-06-09 15:45:41 · answer #2 · answered by Scott D 5 · 0 1

look if you don't want kids than you shouldn't not have got married in the first place. It's as simple as that. Sex was designed to bring children into the world and of course sex is for married couples...so... you shouldn't have got married. I think your being very selfish... both of you should have talked about this before you got married, because then she could have decided not to marry you if she knew that you didn't want kids and she really did want kids. Thats the problem these days...people rush into marriages without talking through these important issues. So now you know why your having this problem.

2006-06-09 19:20:56 · answer #3 · answered by mountaingirl88 3 · 0 1

well if your wife is resistant then it is up to you. use a condom and spermicide. remember though you are married and that state usually includes children. talk to your wife and be straight with her. give her a time frame and the reasons you would like to wait, make sure they are realistic and not silly put off excuses, and don't be cruel. "okay honey, i don't want to start a family now because of financial reason(give details to her), but how about we start trying in 12 months". how would you feel if you wanted something and your wife said no? sounds like you are finding that out with the no baby no sex clause. if you make a time frame though and she holds to her end of the bargain you must hold to yours too. you are in a partnership and it is compromise and give and take, not, this is how it's gonna be, like it or lump it. your wife sounds hurt to me. when you tell someone who is supposed to be your partner "NO" then don't be surprised if her back gets up and you have a, ''WELL I SAY YES" fight on your hands.
give her some hope and a realistic time frame. if you decide you do not want children at all then let your wife find someone who does. if you are considerate of her feelings and wants then she willl repay you in kind. don't forget men can father children far longer than women can birth them. so depending on yours and your wifes ages this is a factor too. remember your wife may still be sad if this is something she really wants now, so be kind, show her attention during the time you are asking her to wait so she feels secure in your love for her. if your reasons are sound and valid she wont be able to help agreeing with you. NO BS THOUGH, or you will eventually lose her trust and love.
my best friend married her high school sweetheart KNOWING full well he did not want children. well 6 years and many excuses later she got him to agree to their first baby. they now have 2 preteen boys and he recently came to her and thanked her for their sons and said he couldn't imagine life without them or her.

2006-06-09 16:12:27 · answer #4 · answered by kaylamay64 4 · 0 1

Then tell your wife your not ready for a baby. Tell her that you'll start trying in a year or 2. If it continues then go see a marriage counselor. Also how old are you and your wife. Maybe she feels she doesn't want to be any older to have kids.

2006-06-09 15:47:01 · answer #5 · answered by Maw730 3 · 0 0

There is a procedure that you can have done for like 2-3 hundred bucks. Heard it's painless, and you're awake. It's called Vas clip.
They just put a tiny clip where the sperm normally would come out. Suppose to be very effective. Pretty cheep too! Takes like 15 min. I heard. Check it out.

2006-06-09 15:46:12 · answer #6 · answered by quantum.field 2 · 0 0

You're asking to find an underhanded, secretive way to dupe your wife... sounds to me like you guys need to communicate in an open and caring way... your priorities are not matching up... perhaps some couples counseling...

The wife is actually going to withhold sex from you if you don't deliver a kid???? Sounds pretty manipulative to me...

Also, you trying to find a roundabout way of fooling her is also a bit dysfunctional.

TALK!!! If your priorities can't be resolved with compromises, then maybe you should re-think your relationship.

2006-06-09 15:45:51 · answer #7 · answered by Volupia 1 · 0 0

haha....well there is no drug and you don't want to preminently ruin yourself for the future. I assume your trying to trick your wife into thinking your trying but then somehow nothing happens. My advice is to talk with your wife. She's the one who has to take care of it all the time so i don't know what your hesitation is. Better to get them over with then you can live your life again in your 40's.

2006-06-09 16:06:27 · answer #8 · answered by cracker2423 3 · 0 0

There isn't anything a man can take orally (like birth control) to prevent pregnancy. It is the woman's responsibility.

My husband and I had this problem ( I wanted kids now and he wanted to wait). We sat down and talked it out. We came to a middle ground that worked for both of us.

If worst comes to worst, use spermicide and tell her its just lube, not that I advocate lying.

2006-06-09 15:44:56 · answer #9 · answered by rockchick13 4 · 0 0

UM...you're an idiot and you shouldn't breed.

Explain that to your wife...

You need to talk to your wife.
Not just sabotage your marriage.
TALK to her and explain that you aren't ready for kids.

Give her good reasons...
like we dont have enough money,
I don't feel responsible enough to care for another human life,
I'm so dumb I want to find a drug to make you think I'm actually trying to empregnant you...you know...honest stuff like that.

You can go and get a vasectomy...which I believe can be reversed...but I think that's incredible dumb.. you need to talk to your wife and have an adult relationship with her if you ever expect it to last and if you ever hope to be mature enough to have children.

2006-06-09 15:49:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

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