need people who will be honest...?

Question

My 5 year old son has asthma. The doctors tell me to keep him away from a smokey environement. My in-laws chain smoke. Plus there is another chain smoker in the house. Three chain smokers. When my son goes and visits they still smoke in front of him. My husband and I have asked them to go outside and smoke while my son their own grandchild is over because the smoke bothers him. They won't stop smoking while he's around.
My son's doctor had personally written a letter to them asking them not to smoke around him. I showed it to my husband and he got mad. Am I wrong in asking them to stop smoking while he's at their house? Isn't it my right, and job to protcet him? My son tells me the smoke makes him feel sick and when I tell him he's going over there he doesn't want to. It's causing problems for my husband and I he won't put his foot down. My husband said he wanted other opions about how bad smoke is for children that have asthma. Isn't it pretty clear? Thank you.

Answer 1

My dad died of cancer, small cell lung cancer, that only comes from cigarette smoke. You don't have to ask me my opinion!!!!
His bones disolved from the cancer before he died.

I have to ask, since we are honest, why is this even a question when a child is involved? Your husband needs to stand up like a man for his family!!!

Answer 2

I think you will find the problem in your presentation. Your dislike of smoking shows clearly in even this question. On the flip side I wish I had a nickel for every hypochondriac who claimed an allergy to smoking. So from their perspective they feel a might besieged over the issue. Thus a bit of reluctance to believe that it more than being ultra sensitive. Your son has asthma. If it is serious you have far more to worry about than just smoking. Strong colognes and perfumes are actually the number one trigger for asthma attacks. I believe cigerette smoke is around #3. So if you are only attacking smoking they will feel defensive about it and assume you are making a personal attack against them. If you are actually trying to protect your son by removing asthma triggers like strong colognes, perfumes, smoke, dust, etc they will see things differently I suspect. Otherwise you undermine your own credibility.

My advice to you would to first stop wearing perfume around your child. Cessation of smoking will not cure all problems in your inlaws house. Smoky residue will be there even if they do not smoke while you are over. You will want to identify strong asthma triggers like the ones mentioned above, others include animal dander and a whole list you can find at asthma sites. Demonstrate that an asthma attack can kill your son. Real asthma is a potentially fatal condition. Most asthma sufferers make at least one trip a decade to the hospital. Many people are diagnosed incorrectly in my opinion. So I'd suggest a second opinion as well. Your lives have changed if he really has asthma. You need to help them understand the real danger to your son. Forget the second hand smoke insanity. All you'll do is wipe your credibility with that. Your son if he has asthma needs to avoid certain conditions. You should also arrange with them to always keep asthma meds and a breather over at their place in case of emergancy. If your son is not taking meds and does not carry a breather with him 24/7 you are either risking his life or he doesn't really have asthma. Anyway the point is if they see you taking it serious then I think they will. If I didn't see those kinds of things I'd think it was just a rabid anti-smoker doing a mind job on a poor kid to be a new generation intolerant.

You wanted honest :)

Answer 3

I work for a law firm and we had a case where a child who had asthma was at a day care facility, the worker there smoked a cigarette while the children were in nap time and the smoke triggered an asthma attack and the child suffered permanent brain injury. YES, cigarette smoke can be extremely dangerous to children with asthma. The people in your family that smoke absolutely should make arrangements to smoke elsewhere when he is there. However, when people chain smoke in a house over a long period of time, sometimes smoking outside doesn't cut it because the smoke has permeated the drapes, carpet, furniture, etc... and so the particles are ingrained in everything. People that smoke don't realize how terrible the smell is because it is permanently inside them. Asking your family members to at least smoke outside when your son is there is certainly not too much to ask. They should still be able to build a relationship with him but they must consider his health. To not be willing to do this simple, important request it pure laziness and iresponsibility on their part. Good luck!

Answer 4

Well you can't just keep him away from his own grandparents, they are a part of his and your family no matter what you do. But some things that I've heard to work really well is to put a picture of your family (or simply your son's picture might be a good substitute) inside of a pack of cigarettes that they haven't smoked yet. Then they should realize what they're doing to him and that i is especially troublesome to him because of his asthma. But I think once he has some sort of trouble with his asthma while he's at his grandparents house they'll realize that it's a serious thing and that they shouldn't smoke around him. Also tell them that he doesn't like to go over there anymore now that they don't listen and that their smoking bothers him.

Answer 5

OK first all i think that it is important that you make sure that of course your child interacts with your husbands family but either they are going to quit smoking around your baby or just don't go over there or when you do just maybe not for very long and maybe stay outside if you do just make a comfortable environment outside buy some lawn chairs or something...But definitely your BABY does not need to be around that so just put a stop to it for your child cuz he cant help what he has to do so in my opinion well if it were me i would just not go over there but you could tell them to come see you at your house if you have a rule established that there is no smoking in the house or just buy a sign and put it on your front door or something to that effect hope that this bit of advice helps you very much in making the right health choices for you child.....I Love Kids and cant wait till i am old enough to have one lol I'm 14

Answer 6

I think it's terrible that they do smoke around their grandchild (who has asthma). However, if they are chain smokers then wouldn't that put them outside of their own house to smoke the whole time while he visits? Who would he be inside visiting then?I think it's unfortunate that they have such an addiction that they are chain smokers but to not slow down for their grandson to visit is sad, but, the real sad fact is you can't control what other people do in their own home. If you try to control people in their own environment you will only be responded to with resentment. In my opinion, if they want to visit they should come to visit him at your house where the rules should be that smokers smoke outside. I don't know how bad second hand smoke is but I would steer clear of it if I was his mother too... so still a catch 22.

Answer 7

I smoke. My son's girlfriend is going to have a baby in October. I have already agreed to take my smoking outside when the baby is around. If I were you, I wouldn't go over there - let them come visit you and it is your decision in your home whether you allow someone to smoke. I don't understand -- your husband KNOWS the child has asthma, the doctor wrote a letter asking them not to smoke - what is he waiting for? He's wimping out is what he's doing. He doesn't want any controversy no matter what. My husband is like that. Sorry.

Answer 8

If your in-laws won't quit smoking around your son then they are forfeiting their right to spend time with him. Obviously the cigarettes are more important to them than your sons health. I also am a smoker and make sure to smoke outside when I visit my nieces and nephew, and if they come outside then I put the cigarette out. My sisters have asked me to not smoke in front of them, therefore I do not. Which is the only respectful thing to do. I do not want to be responsible for jeopardizing their health. It is called RESPONSIBILITY as an adult. Like you said it is your job to make sure your son is protected. Your husband needs to see the big picture. Your son could get cancer from second hand smoke as well as problems concerning his asthma. As a parent, I really don't understand why he does not want to protect his son. It is possible that he is just to afraid to confront his parents. He needs to grow up and put his foot down with them for the sake of your son. Good luck.
Show your husband this website:
http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/managing_asthma/triggers/smoking_asthma.html

Answer 9

I am an asthmatic and so is my daughter. We feel for your son. I would stop taking him to visit.. if your husband gets mad at you fro trying to protect your son then there is something dreadfully wrong. If he is going to allow himself and his family to endanger your son's health then I would seriously consider a huge change. I almost died from being around smokers.. had a very bad asthma attack was placed into the hospital and needed help breathing. I was told a few minutes longer in that situation I definatly would have either died or had brain damage from lack of air. Any child should be around chain smokers anyway.. cancer from second hand smoke is in the rise.. you need to put your foot down and then stick with it.. if your husband is not man and father enough to do it then you need to.

Answer 10

First of all, make sure that your son's asthma is not just an excuse for something else, like...not liking your in-laws. One of my sons, 12 now, also has asthma. Asthma is triggered by different things in different individuals. My husband, though not a chain smoker, when he did smoke, would ALWAYS go outside because of our son. If your in-laws are not going to avoid smoking wherever your child is present, then the only solution is not to visit them. But don't force the issue about them having to make changes to accomodate your child...simply don't go over, because yes, it is your responsibility to protect him. I wish you luck!

Answer 11

Well you are doing the right thing telling them not to smoke around him, and if I were you, I wouldn't take him back over there until they say they will stop smoking around him, or when he is over there and the 1st person that lights 1 up say if you don't go outside with that or put it out I will take my son and we will leave.

Smoke could cause him to have an asthma attack and could possibly even cause death. Good Luck:-)