I really just don't know what to do with my life right now. I am married (3 years) and we have 3 kids. I found out about 6 months ago that my husband had cheated on me. After some discussion i decided we could try to work things out (as long as we were both working on it). Since then he acts like he has just completely forgotten what happened, like it never happened. Anyway i find myself thinking that i might have made the wrong decision. I also find myself sometimes thinking what life would be like with a different person, and thinking that once i have my degree finished and can get a good job then maybe he will leave...i don't know what is going on in my mind. I don't know how to move on or what i should be doing. Is there something wrong with me or is this normal?
2006-06-09 07:27:16 · 11 answers · asked by sweetokiemomma 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think its normal. I'm in the same boat. I have no idea which way to turn. Way to much going through my mind right now to figure anything out. I think what we need to do is try to stop thinking about it for a while. Just be and the answers will come to you.
2006-06-09 07:33:13 · answer #1 · answered by JustMe 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Boy....this is a lot of info! "He acts like he has competely forgotten what happened." Well, you agreed to work it out, but what do you want to do! Punish him for the next 20 years because he is working it out? You either let it go and work it out, or get out...there is nothing in between here. Trust me, he is not going to be willing to pay, and pay, and pay, and pay, and..... That obviously is NOT going to stop you from wanting to punish him forever more. IF I were you, I would let it go, get rid of the energy and move forward. Trust me, there are many worse things in a marriage than one or the other having messed up!
Now, if you really "have lost that loving feeling," then move on without him..forget about those 3 kids and their love for their dad, forget about all this "for better or for worse," and make sure that your feelings are fulfilled...to hell with everyone else around you. You are acting as if you are single and talking about dumping a boy friend. What is going on here???? I strongly suggest you both get to a counselor and find out what is really going on. Perhaps in all your wondering what life would be like with someone else, you might consider wondering what life would be like for your children...novel thought, I know. I am not being harsh, just real. All marriages go through very nasty times. That is the way it goes. I just don't remember where the vows say, "for better or better, to hell with the rest. " Good luck.
2006-06-09 14:38:26 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Based on what happened to you I would say that what your feeling is completely normal! If you still feel that there are some unresolved issues between your husband and you then you need to get him to talk about things. If however you feel that you want to get out of this relationship and move on then you just need to put your feelings aside for him and prepare for the next phase of your life. I know that what ever choice you make won't be easy and it sounds like you could use someone to talk to about it.
Do you have any close relatives or a friend that could possibly just let you talk and or offer you some suggestions?
See if you can find a person to talk to.
I wish you luck and if there is anything I could do, I would.
2006-06-09 14:42:21 · answer #3 · answered by Ekimo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perfectly normal, everyone worries and wonders what if. Sorry to say sweetie but i think you did the wrong thing, no one deserves to be cheated on if they're being faithful. Your being a good wife and he goes and cheats, its not acceptable and you shouldnt have accepted it. I think its great that your thinking about being without him. Like you said, finish out school (as long as it wont take that long) and then leave. He cheated so you can get mostly everything in the divorce and you's have kids so you'll get child support. He did YOU wrong, dont let him continue to do that. ESPECIALLY in front of your children, kids are very impressionable, do you really want them seeing their mom get walked all over? Or would you rather them see you standing up for yourself and grow up to be just like you? Goodluck, be strong.
2006-06-09 14:35:44 · answer #4 · answered by ilovedorks 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think its normal. I'm in the same boat. I have no idea which way to turn. Way to much going through my mind right now to figure anything out. I think what we need to do is try to stop thinking about it for a while. Just be and the answers will come to you. I only have 1 child you have 3 think about it if you think you are capable to be alone do it you'll be more happy
2006-06-09 14:53:14 · answer #5 · answered by ojitos_098 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i did same ting i thought i could forget and forgive but i tried for a year to make it work but i was so disgusted with him and every day when i looked at him i saw what he did after a year i left and i am so much happier i also have 3 kids but u need to leave if u dont u will always feel down good luck by the way it is hard to leave but it was best move i ever made
2006-06-09 14:42:25 · answer #6 · answered by keli2829 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my husband cheated on me too when we were only married for a short time. so many people told me to leave. All i can say to you is to do what is in your heart. Yes it is perfectly normal to have the feelings your having. there is nothing wrong with you. it is very traumatic to go through what you have. if you should choose to stay together it will take a very long time for those feelings to fade. they never go away though. I have been married for 11yrs now and I still find myself wondering if he is cheating again. but i now know to tell my husband that i am feeling insecure so he can reassure me of his love for me. for now it will be very difficult around your house but as i said before if you do choose to stay it will get easier, it will just take some time.
2006-06-09 14:39:24 · answer #7 · answered by cosmic beauty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being cheated on is in fact the HARDEST thing to move on from. You wonder, will he do it again? Why it happened? Is the affair actually over?
Its attacks you internally and mentally. It will always be in the back of your mind. You need to talk it out, just the two of you or in counseling. Let your feelings out and lay them on the table. But be prepared to hear his thoughts as well. Your thoughts are common I think. You second guess yourself, your decisions. Talking them out will enforce your actions, good or bad. Good luck, its a hard place to be and to move from but it can happen.
2006-06-09 14:38:26 · answer #8 · answered by ♠♣♥Rogue♣♥♠ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is time for some soul searching. It may be painful, but you have to do what it right for you and your children. I have been there before, too. (although he did not cheat physically) They always seem to forget about their end of the bargain, but keep reminding him until you have made your decision.
2006-06-09 14:33:29 · answer #9 · answered by redsgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say he's acting like it never happened... how would you rather he acted? Would you rather he brought it up every day? I don't get it? How would he act like it happened? I agree he screwed up, but what's he going to do?
Try telling him that you haven't finished forgiving him yet. See what he does then.
2006-06-09 14:32:49 · answer #10 · answered by Sean J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋