We are having alot of trouble in our marriage. I have suggested counceling & he stated that he is not the one with the problem that I have the problem. It all started about 7 mths. ago when I started to lose weight then he started to get very jealous & overly possesive. About 1 mth ago I went to dinner with some of my girlfriends (they drove) & we ended up @ a local bar to have a drink. By the time we got to the bar he had started to call me every 15 min. & cursing at me telling me that I better get home, that I didn't need to be out with my friends-my place was @ home. By 11pm he had called over 20x's. By 1130pm he was calling me names (Fu**ing Wh*re, Fu**ing Bi*ch) & saying that I was wh*reing around on him. I never in 7 yrs gone out with my friends. Now he is coming home late from work trying to get me mad @ him, & it is working,but I don't let him know that I am mad. He ignores me all that time unless others are around & then comes to bed & tries to have sex, I dont give in. ?
2006-06-09 06:42:42 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What sould I do? I am so angre with him. I need answers, but he wont even talk to me. When I am not home he gets on the computer & looks up porn sites, he knows that I dont approve of that, but he still does it. Sould I try to work things out & live misurable or give up on our relationship & move on?
2006-06-09 06:45:55 · update #1
I generally agree with the other comments, but I wouldn't throw divorce in as an option so casually.
My question: Do you actually love the guy?
I'm not talking "mushy emotion/romance," I mean, are you willing to stick it out with him to help him improve, whether he ever changes or not? It's really up to you and what you are willing to commit to. You've invested seven years and have to decide whether it's time to cut and run.
I would not attach a stigma either way. If you decide to stay with him, your work is definitely cut out for you and you'll have to get lots of help on how to be a healthy person despite his obvious problems. (I won't lie: It sounds like a hard, almost impossible road.)
If you decide to leave, then you should still get some support from counselors or friends so that you still feel good about yourself.
Like people have said, he's on his fourth marriage, and it's clear why:
1. He blames the wife for his problems; he's innocent.
2. He's insecure, because he can't afford you to be pretty and be out in public without him. (Congrats on your weight loss, btw.)
3. He's verbally abusive when he doesn't get his way.
4. He's petty (coming home late to "get back" at you, like a little boy would -- congrats on not going for the bait on that one).
5. He doesn't spend time with you unless he has to impress other people or "keep an eye" on you.
6. He comes to bed and tries to have sex with you... obviously just to have sex, not because he respects/loves you in any real way.
7. He doesn't trust you an inch, despite your innocence, and tries to control you and your behavior, without any concern for you and your needs.
8. He surfs porn when you're not around, to gratify himself. (It's interesting that he can be so controlling, yet feels he has to hide his behavior from you -- and has to settle for porn rather than have an actual affair. It shows his confidence is mostly a bluff.)
Hmmm... Having laid all that out, I'm really not sure how you can make this work. He's not open to discussion and obviously didn't care enough to try the other three times either. That's a horrendous track record.
If you're still committed, I'd suggest you see a counselor in person, who can advise you better on what to do and to help you decide if this marriage can be saved. On this end, however, things look pretty bleak.
And, not to scare you, but I think you should also make arrangements for protection if you leave him. It's a positive sign in that he has not physically abused you so far; but he sounds like such an angry, petty, controlling man that I'm not sure what he'd do if he felt like he was being abandoned.
Chances are he will fold, like the little kid he sees himself as, but occassionally people do stupid things. Get some support and presence from the men in your family, if there are any.
I'm sorry you're going through this.
2006-06-09 10:09:20 · answer #1 · answered by Jennywocky 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sound like 7 good years of marriage to me. It sounds like a train wreck. Why did you not tell him the truth? You need to be open with him and talk to him. The best way for the two of you to get past all the lies is for you to get yourself back home where you belong and see if he will go to marital counseling with you. If he won't do it then go without him. You have a lot of the blame here too and maybe a counselor can give you some insight. If the marriage is truly over, do not leave the house. Stay in your home until you get separation papers or divorce papers drawn up so that you are sure to get the financial support you need from him so you can get your own place. He cannot make you leave your home and leave your children behind. Talk to an attorney about this. Do not let him bully you.
2016-03-26 23:17:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You married a guy with big problems. If you had any common sense it would have told you in a big red flashing light going off in your head that "This guy is big trouble!". Is there any wonder you are his fourth? Seriously not trying to be a beotch here but sometimes you just have to use the brain in your head. Better luck next time...and word to the wise...seek counseling and figure out why you are attracted to this type of a man in the first place. Usually if a mans been married more then once, there's big problems...and they're not willing to admit blame for anything. Best wishes.
2006-06-09 07:44:13 · answer #3 · answered by dixi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's mental and verbal abuse. I'd divorce him on those grounds alone. I wouldn't put up with it any longer. If he ever says he'll change, he won't. You don't want to be around an over jealous husband. If he's already mentally and verbally abusing you.. you know what MIGHT come next... physical abuse. And we don't want that to happen. Get help and get out.
Visit the link below!
2006-06-09 08:20:08 · answer #4 · answered by ♥ Jen ♥ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honey, why do you think he's been married so many times, you dont need to be his doormat anymore or take his verbal abuse, its grounds for divorce, it is time to move on girl, and get rid of the computer, take it with you. what good is he doing for you???? he wants control dont give to him. there is a difference between being a doormat and be a submissive wife. go hun, good luck, kick his *** to the curb, and don't let him see you are mad.
2006-06-09 06:52:36 · answer #5 · answered by toni h 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're his 4th marriage ????? Like you didn't see his track record and know what to expect ??? If I had to guess, and if you were smart, you would make yourself divorcee # 4.
2006-06-09 06:48:00 · answer #6 · answered by gozedown 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a reason you are his 4th marriage, duh. Come on already, do you need to be hit with a brick to wake up. Why do you girls just cling onto these azzholes like this. Makes me sick.
2006-06-09 06:49:33 · answer #7 · answered by javelin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if its his fourth marriage then its obviously him. if he's jealous of your accomplishments its messed up. he should be happy for you. good job not having sex with him. i would seriously leave if that was me
2006-06-09 07:07:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the guy is an insecure loser it's time for you to move on
2006-06-09 07:27:48 · answer #9 · answered by macster43 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IT IS PAST TIME TO MOVE ON AND DO NOT LOOK BACK
2006-06-09 06:47:26 · answer #10 · answered by JULIE 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋