I work and he goes to college. He even says he still is working on trusting me. I am hurt and cunfused when we are walking he is making sure I am not looking at other men...that frys my brain. How should I handle him?
2006-06-09 06:14:29 · 14 answers · asked by Misha G 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
With a person who is that mis-trusting, it sonds as if he has commitment issue's. maybe his own perents had trust issue's and he learned it from them. or the other side of the coin is that he suspects you of doing the same thing he is already doing. I would confront him on it out in public not alone. that way he can't try anything that might be held back inside him from a learned pattern from his male role-model(father). hope it works out for you, but it does sound as if he's using you as a money bag as he finishes school. What about your schooling, where does that fit into this equation?
2006-06-09 06:22:51 · answer #1 · answered by jtracer48 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He may have been hurt from a previous relationship. It happen to me. I have been married for 12 years and still some times loose the trust. It does not cause a problem though. In his eyes you must be quite spectacular, if you have been together for 8 years he obviously loves you, actually maybe too much. He may also see thing going on in college that makes him think that you may be the same way. Trust is a hard thing to earn, but it is much harder to give for a guy. Don't be hurt, be flattered that he cares so much about you, you don't have to like it, but he does care, and there is never too much of that. Good luck, stay with him, he will trust one day.
2006-06-09 06:26:29 · answer #2 · answered by Andy S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is about him and really has nothing to do with you. its his issue and his insecurity that drives him to be this way and if its hurting you then definitely tell him its hurting you. if he doesn't have it conquered in 8 years then he obviously needs some help to do it, tell him to get some counselling because you shouldn't be made to feel bad because of his issues, thats just wrong and if he really does love you he won't tolerate the fact that his behavior hurts you. he knows darn well its about him and not you. for your part, quit babying him, this is basically a situation where the more you buy into his problem the bigger it gets, its feeding an insatiable monster to keep trying to be what will make him feel better because the truth is that nothing will until he gets some help. at some point you are going to have to say look i've put up with this crap for 8 years already and i'm done, i never have and never would do anything to hurt our relationship but i'm done living my life based on your insecurities. often times people need a kick in the butt to get it under control, right now he doesn't have any reason to get better because you put up with it and as long as you do he never will.
2006-06-09 06:34:20 · answer #3 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've been together 8 years and there's no ring on your finger? ****MOVE ON, GIRL!!!!**** He doesn't trust you? Puh-leeze. He's making sure you're not looking at other men? Let me make this easy for you, and I'm sorry for the brutal honesty, but I would bet dollars to donuts that he's been cheating on you.
I've been married for almost 17 years. My wife and I BOTH LOOK at attractive members of the opposite sex. We're married, we're not dead. We trust each other. We have given each other no reason not to.
Your boyfriend doesn't trust you. You haven't done anything. Like I said, I'd be willing to bet that he has.
And, by the way, any relationship that goes more than about 2 years without some sort of committment----never will.
2006-06-09 06:29:28 · answer #4 · answered by Allen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he's too much trouble. He also needs therapy. After several years of you doing nothing wrong, his issues turn from mistrust to paranoia that damages your relationship instead of helps it. If its been 8 years, maybe its time for you to face the harsh reality that he'll never trust you. I would honestly say to break up and move on. You've given 8 years to a guy that still cannot figure out how to trust you. He sounds like bad marriage material to me! Sit down and tell him how its driving you away. And that he either has to start trusting you now, or get out of the picture. 8 years is crazy for him to still be so insecure.
2006-06-09 06:22:15 · answer #5 · answered by Velken 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Without trust there is no relationship. Try talking to him on why he doesn't trust you. Tell him you done nothing for him not to. After 8 years he should. It sounds like he is the one with the problem (no offense). Good luck.
2006-06-09 06:31:53 · answer #6 · answered by chellebeth75 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There must be a reason why he doesn't trust you. Maybe he experienced infidelity in his household because one of his parents cheated. Or maybe he is insecure for other reasons. Or maybe he misunderstands your behavior. The bottom line that there is nothing you can do: he has to "man-up" and realize that the only person he can trust is himself and he needs to stop stressing until he has a reason to stress.
2006-06-09 06:23:38 · answer #7 · answered by Aurora Lover 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The man has jealously issues. They will never go away, only get worse. Why are you still with him? He may not have any confidence in himself. If he thinks something is going on after 8 years he really doesn't care about how you feel.
2006-06-09 06:23:09 · answer #8 · answered by Snuffy Smith 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Break up with him. Believe me, his behavior will only get worse as time goes on, especially if you marry him. HE has a trust problem, don't make it your problem. You will be happier in the end for it.
2006-06-09 11:16:24 · answer #9 · answered by older&wiserforit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
turn the tables, ask him if hes done something he feels guilty for. Guilty concience says: if I did it why can't she? At least that's been the experience with my husband.
2006-06-09 06:29:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋