After years I am back in touch with a childhood friend, but we feel we don't know each other. We've changed.

Question

There has also been a misunderstanding over email; she gave me the silent treatment for 6 months. I asked her to write to me; she sent me a forwarded story, which I attacked. I should have waited to respond, but I didn't. Her forwarded story felt perfunctory as if she were just throwing me a bone.

We have been knowing each other for over 20 years. But a lot has changed from childhood til now. She is a stay at home mom; I have worked all my life. She has had miscarriages and now has two boys; I have never wanted or had children. She's very traditional and conservative; I am unconventional, non-traditional, and very liberal.

We have started talking again, but the emails so far have been weird. She attacks everything I say and seems to feel a huge need to explain and defend her life. I'm just happy to be back in touch, and I just want her to be happy, but she sounds angry and defensive .

Can this friendship to survive? Thanks for all thoughtful, mature answers.

Answer 1

It sounds like your lives have definitely taken different paths. I think the friendship can survive if you can both accept each other for who you NOW are and not expect things to be like they used to be. You aren't kids any more. You really don't know each other any more. You have memories of the past. In order for this friendship to survive you need to find some sort of safe common ground and get reacquainted with each other. Good luck to you!