i'm getting divorced and i moved out about a month ago, and now with my current room mate i just don't want to do anything. i don't feel socially acceptable because all i do is complain about the tortures and harrassment that my soon to be ex is putting me through. there is so much that he is doing to try and ruin my life.
Most days i just when i'm done with work, all i want to do is go home and sleep. i know that i'm depressed. but i try to do active things and hang out with friends but i think i'm annoying them cause all i ever do is complain about my divorce.
when does this stop? when will i feel like i can move on and not drive my friends away?
2006-06-09 05:40:55 · 14 answers · asked by UNeverKnow 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It takes time, don't beat yourself up for wanting to spend time with yourself...after putting up with the jerk (been there); you deserve to spend your time, how you want to. And there is nothing wrong with taking the time to lick your wounds.
We often let our lives be so ingrossed by a signicant other and when they're gone whether by choice or not we are left with not knowing who our true selves are anymore. Take time sweety, and find out who you are now and who you aspire to be with your new life with so many great possibilities.
As for how long it will take? We are all different, I've tried going out with friends and I've let it all go and had a great time. But it didn't instantly heal me. I've been away from the evil one, 9 months now, divorce has been final for two. Everyday I find something, no matter how small, to be Thankful for. Like going somewhere after work; grocery store, bank, etc. and knowing that I won't be accused of cheating as soon as I walk in the door, because I didn't get home at the exact same time I did on other days. Its a good thing.
Also, try learning something or doing something you've always wanted to do. Or volunteering with an organization that you have an interest for. Building new happy positive memories is the key. Its hard to do when your hurting, but try.
Best of wishes for your new exciting future!
2006-06-09 06:16:13 · answer #1 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to stop the complaining. You keep bringing up the hurt, the wounds. If you keep "picking the scab" they will never heal. having someone lend an ear to allow you to get some things off your chest is one thing. dwelling on it all too much isn't healthy for any of you. It's not a bad thing to want to spend time with yourself. Actually, you should. If therapy is an option, great, go for it. If not, get some self help books and start reading up on yourself and see where the relationship went bad. That way you learn from your mistakes. It does sound to me like you are placing blame on him for what he is putting you through. You must accept your responsibility too. It took two people's actions and interactions to bring the two of you to divorce. You see him as the bad guy and that is pretty natural. try to remember why you were with him in the first place. He must have some redeeming qualities. Take what you learned about yourself and others through that relationship and see where you stand. Once you get a better grip on who you are and where you are then you will move forward into the future more easily. I'm apart from my wife of ten years now for two years. There is seldom a day that I don't have some thought of her or things that we did together. She committed some heinous acts in the last year we were together. i try not to think of those things, but remember her for her talents. I chose to be with her and if i knew then the things that i know now, then we may not have parted company. I see what things i did wrong and accept responsibility for those things. For my own sanity, I forgive her for her trespasses against me and hope that she flourishes in whatever she chooses to do. I will not, likely, ever speak to her again, but can't choose to dwell on the negative feelings I've had for her. That would just bring me down. I hope that my sharing here is of help to you. I know it's a difficult time. I've been there. Accept the past and look for truth about where you are now so you can be more successful in the future.
2006-06-09 05:58:32 · answer #2 · answered by TN Seeker 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friends are probably trying to help you. This IS a tough part of your life - especially when it starts getting nasty - it's so stressful. You may not be driving them as crazy as you think. I have a good friend going through this and he tells me all the crap that is happening but he is my friend and it doesn't drive me crazy AT ALL cuz I care about him so much. You NEED people right now. Stay our there with your friends - things will calm down in time and you'll get back to normal. Hang in there - wishing you the best.
2006-06-09 05:45:44 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you get divorced, it's like a weight being lifted off your shoulders. Don't expect alot of yoruself right now, you are entitled to yours feelings and you are grieving, and this complrtly normal. Divorce is painful and it will take time to get back on the horse, right now you are too stressed out to think about socializing.
It's too soon to be all well, noone can be all bubly when you have to deal with lawyers and court dates, it's a mess and is a nightmare. This won't last forever though.
Good luck to you.
2006-06-09 05:56:54 · answer #4 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will take you time to heal and get past the pain and shock of the divorce and the break up you have just gone through. You may need counseling and help too to help you move on. I wish you the best. You need to talk to a doctor if you are truley depressed and get on some medication for it. I wish you the best!
2006-06-09 05:49:44 · answer #5 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
God- you sound just like me!!! I can't be much help cause I feel the same!! I dont think there's any set time limit but I know it's hard when the ex is already " living it up." ( Like in my case.) I think that I'll just know. I dont feel like going out but once in awhile I drag myself- if I still feel bad after I get there I go home and watch " Sex in The City.." Screw it- this CAN'T last forever and if I still feel like sitting at home then it's just not time yet. I keep hinking I'll just know - I'll just go home from work and , instead of going to bed, I'll take a shower and go out and pick up some random guy and that will be that. I hope anyways....
2006-06-09 05:46:09 · answer #6 · answered by Shell 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe that in some cases time heals. Maybe it is okay for you to take some down time..and do some thinking and preparing for your next step. It sounds like you've been though a lot lately. It's okay not to feel very social..etc. It might help for you to seek personal psychotherapy/ counseling for yourself during this period.
Best of luck, and much care to you.
2006-06-09 05:43:21 · answer #7 · answered by Toolooroo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-09-28 05:22:47 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your Friends, shouldn't mind, because I think that happens to everyone going through divorce, just ask your friends, "Do I talk about my divorce too much!?" and if they answer yes, then say, "Oh well If I start talking about it too much just tell me" and try to be cool with it, if they say no, then ask them if they are sure that they don't mind talking about it another time, because sometimes friends lie just to make you feel better about yourself, and also, just try to forget about the divorce, clear your mind. Go to therapy. That just might be the answer! Hope I helped :)!
2006-06-09 05:45:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
takes a while but it does end.
you need to do some good old fashioned ex bashing. find a divorced lady friend, have a few drinks and start letting off steam. it helps. (well, it helped me)
grudge (no emotional involvement) sex helps too. just be careful.
good luck
2006-06-09 05:45:59 · answer #10 · answered by oldsoftee2001 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋