need advice on how to raise a 15 yr old daughter?......?

Question

what do i do if every time she does not get her way she callls her granmother to come get her, then i and up fighting with the ex- inlaws....

Answer 1

For one thing, I'd talk to the ex-in laws. They need to refuse to give in to her everytime she's not getting her way with you.

Answer 2

The bad news is she's 15 and still throwing tantrums like that. It's too late to shape her into a child that can reasonably talk about what she wants. But the good news is: YOU are her mother. Not the ex-inlaws. Sit down with your daughter and talk, really talk to her. If she doesn't want to listen, write her a note or do something to explain how you feel when she undermines you authority. Try to get her to see WHY you don't let her have her way, and that you are not just being an evil, dumb parent. If you show her love while disciplining her maybe it will work.
I don't think talking to the ex-inlaws will help because they are on her side. But if you can get them to listen without arguing, tell them to stop undermining you authority for your daughter. She lives with YOU. You see and know everything she does. They only see what she shows them. I hope this helps.

Answer 3

Bummer is that you are asking this question about 16 years too late. You plan on the basics of how you are going to raise children before you conceive them. Each year of growth is predicated on the year before. (For that matter, each DAY of growth is predicated on the day before....and hour.....and minute.) The fact that you now have an out-of-control 15 year old tells me that you pretty much sailed through her formative years without imposing much discipline so now she has learned she has free rein.

That's a hard row to hoe.

My suggestion: first off, you need to tell you EX in-laws that they are NOT to come running at her beck and call. Technically, they do not have legal standing and if you don't want them there, then they should not be there. You need to tell them to back off and let you bring the daughter back in hand. The fact that daughter thinks she can run off to grandma when mom comes unglued or imposes discipline or does something daughter just doesn't like (and this does seem to be true) completely undermines your ability to handle your daughter. Next, you are the parent - you control the purse strings, you control the hours, you control the girl. If it takes using your vacation to go with her to school and sitting in each of her classes, and then walking with her home to put you back in the driver's seat, then that is what you are going to have to do. You control the wardrobe - you go in and take out what she is not to wear and put it under lock and key. She is 15! It is a dictatorship and not a democracy - not at least until she is prepared to be a good and participatory citizen.

It's kinda like ol' Dr. Phil - whatever you are doing now, how's that working for you ? Not well ? Then change it all.

Answer 4

You need to calmly and reasonably attempt to talk to the grandmother. Try to explain to her that even if the two of you are not on the same page in regards to raising your daughter, you need her to respect your wishes and to back you up. By her constantly "rescuing" your daughter, she's teaching her that she can get her way no matter what. Eventually, your daughter will get tot he point where she has zero respect for any authority figure in her life and you could end up bailing her out of jail or even identifying her in a morgue. (Sorry, but in 15 years in emergency medicine, I've seen it more times that I want to even think about!) If the grandmother cannot respect your wishes, then perhaps you should suggest that your daughter live with her since she's making it impossible for you to raise a responsible citizen. That may wake your daughter up to the fact that all households have a set of rules. When she calls you because Grandma set her foot down, you can tell her she made her choice and needs to abide by Grandma's rules. I bet it doesn't last long on either side.

Good luck!

Answer 5

She uses whoever she can to get her way. Goiing to her grandma is her way of punishing you. The next time she tries this go out and have some fun without her. It needs to be something that she would've enjoyed doing with you. Then, when she comes home from the inlaws tell about how much fun you had and too bad she wasn't there to enjoy it eith you. 2 people can play that game. Next time she thinks about using grandma against you, she might just think twice. It worked on my kids.

Answer 6

You need to have a sit down with your ex in laws and set some rules. They cant come get her every time you two have an argument. She is playing you against each other to get her way. You may need a family counseling session or two. But you and the ex in laws are gonna have to get on the same page. If they are doing this with her to upset you or make them look better to her then your gonna have to start limiting her time with them or tell them you will move away with her if they don't start helping with the disciplinary problems.

Answer 7

talk to the ex inlaws about it and let them know they can't come get her when they call her call in the ex on this to help you with and if she trys this take away privligas if you say be back a 9 and she say 10 say ok 8 it is and don't go back she will learn not to agrue quick and just do what she is told but the main opstical is the ex inlaws so call the ex and get them to stay away when she calls to get picked up

Answer 8

Do not allow her grandmother to get her anymore until it's all resolved. If you have to tell granny that if she takes your daughter anywhere you will call the police. Tell her she is interfering with the way you choose to parent your child and that if she interferes anymore she'll be limited with visits to her grand kids PERIOD. Put your foot down. I know it sounds mean, but you have to do something to maintain control of your household. You daughter sounds smart! You have to think of ways to head her off. Sounds like she really has you on your toes. I hope it works out. I do think this is something you need to talk with Grandma about though. If your daughter keeps calling your in-laws then they need to be the adults about it and tell your daughter that punishment means punishment and they will not be coming to pick her up until she has served her time.

Answer 9

A child is like an assignment from God you have to deal with your child ans show god that you are capable of doing that assignment you have to let your ex-in-laws know that she is your assignment and let the child know that too. you deal with her the best way possible.P.S remember that this is a teen and this is also a phase that she is going through.HAVE CONSIDERATION GOOD LUCK

Answer 10

Why is she running the show??????? Do not let her leave with her grandmother let alone call her. You are the parent and need to set down hard and fast rules. I am so sick of people letting the kids run the family, get a back bone and show her who is BOSS!!!!!!!!! Why are you fighting with your ex-in-laws? It is none of their bees wax, PERIOD!!!!!!!!!!!